Title: Uncommon Distractions Author: Kay Email: kaygrr@hotmail.com Feedback: Please? Because watching a grown girl cry is just pathetic. Website: ssfdu.tripod.com/kay/journal.htm (love for Sandy) Archive: Just let me know, eh? Fandom: Buffy Pairing: (Xander/Graham) + (Xander/Spike) = Xander/Graham/Spike Rating: NC-17 Disclaimer: Mine? What? *These*? No, they're Mutant Enemy's. They just followed me home and wouldn't leave until I played with them. Summery: Graham and Riley are called back to Sunnydale when the area destabilizes. When they return, they discover there are new factors in lives of the Scooby Gang, especially in Xander and Spike's. K, Melissa, here it is. After reading so much yummy Xander/Graham fic, I had to give it a try for myself. Spike, being Spike, refused to stay on the sidelines. This one promises to be a long one, folks - I hope y'all enjoy. A special thank you to Karen, who never fails to cheer me on, and to Sandy, who in addition to listening to me babble also acts as my patron saint of titles when my brain has gone numb. Thank you, ladies ****** Graham had expected to feel more nostalgic about being back on the college campus. He'd spent quite a bit of time there, taking classes and pretending to be an ordinary student. At the moment however, he really didn't feel any bursts of fondness or longing for the old days. Of course, the fact that he was hiding behind a tree and watching Willow trudge her way to her class might have something to do with it. Being on a mission tended to take away from the nostalgia-potential of situations. He was concentrating on not being seen instead of reliving the past. He frowned as he watched Willow stumble a little. She was moving as though she were half-asleep. From what he could remember of his own observations and Riley's stories, she was a fairly bubbly person, ready with a smile and a line of babble a mile long. Watching her yawn for the third time in as many minutes, he doubted she'd be able to stay awake through her next class, let alone hold a conversation with anyone. He made sure she entered her classroom, then leaned up a convenient section of wall and called Riley. "Ri, how are things on your end?" //Sleepy. I think Tara pulled an all-nighter or something. She's yawning all the time and since I'm watching her, I keep yawning too.// Graham stood up straight. "Willow looks exhausted, too." A dirty chuckle drifted into his ears. //Maybe they just had a *really* good time last night.// Graham groaned. He didn't want to think about them having sex. Not that the mental images weren't nice, but they reminded him that he wasn't having sex. "She looks way too worn out for that." //You're right. Thinking what I'm thinking?// "Probably. They're exhausted because of something they've done that's helping to keep this place quiet." He relaxed back against the wall. "Do you want me to call in a preliminary report?" //I'll do it. I've got to do something or I'm going to fall asleep here.// Graham didn't argue. It was good to see Riley taking an active interest in the missions. Their briefing had included orders for them to stay away from Buffy and her mentor Giles. Attempts to keep tabs on the older man had failed miserably: surveillance cameras died as soon as they were brought on line and bugs transmitted nothing but static, if they transmitted anything at all. Their superiors believed that he had access to black market technology that protected him. Graham was more inclined to listen to Riley's explanation: Giles probably had some sort of magical barrier set up to protect himself. He knew he was in the wrong line of work when belief in magic came easy. Because they were unable to maintain any reliable surveillance over Giles, all attempts to monitor him had been canceled for fear that his `superior technology' would alert him to any watcher's presence. Buffy had been spending the majority of her time in recent weeks with him, so all surveillance over her had been cancelled as well. He and Riley had been given strict orders to stay away from her for the time being. That order had worried Graham; bad enough that Riley was worried about his ex, but then he was forbidden to see her. Fortunately, he seemed to be taking the orders in stride, saying something about having time to get his head on straight. The sound of a bell brought Graham back to himself. He ducked around a corner and watched students file out of the packed classroom. Willow was one of the last ones out, her eyes half-closed and her feet hardly rising from the ground. According to her schedule, she was done with classes. For her sake, he hoped she was going straight home. He shadowed her all the way to the dorm, at which point he broke off the tail and joined the surveillance team set up in a van outside the dorm. Squeezing into the tight quarters, he nodded to Riley, who'd beaten him there. "Do we have visual and audio?" One of the techs nodded. "Whatever technology that Giles character has, he hasn't been sharing it. We've got them both on line just fine." He fiddled with a few knobs and the van was filled with sound. All the men inside the van listened intently as they watched the color monitors that revealed what took place inside the dorm room. Willow lay on the bed, her head pillowed on Tara's lap. "I'm so sleepy," she said quietly. "I didn't expect to feel this tired." Tara gently stroked her fingers through her girlfriend's hair. "Me, too. It does make sense, though. Erecting a ward large enough to cover all of Sunnydale was a really good idea, but I'm still not sure we were ready for it." "It had to be done. There were too many new demons in town. We couldn't deal with all of them-" Tara quieted her with soft touches. "I know, I know. Without Buffy, there wasn't anything else that we could have done. I'm just glad it worked." Willow sighed as Tara cuddled her closer. "I should call her." "You know she and Giles are probably busy." "I'm worried about them. I'm worried about Dawn. She was so sick the last time we saw her." "Giles will figure it out. You know he will. Dawn's going to get better and then we'll have Buffy back." Graham looked at Riley, who looked baffled. "Dawn?" Riley's frown disappeared abruptly. "Buffy's little sister." That was right. How could he have forgotten Dawn? So Dawn was sick and Buffy and Giles were concentrating on her. Her friends had coped by putting up some kind of magical shield around Sunnydale to keep the HSTs out. Graham nodded to himself. That felt right. He quietly ran his interpretation past Riley, ignoring the disdainful look the tech gave him for believing in anything except technology. Riley nodded. "That's what I'm thinking. Xander's probably doing research or something like that, maybe running the magic shop with Anya to help out." He climbed out of the van, waiting for Graham to follow. "We should report back in." He told the tech to call them if the girls gave indication of moving and then led the way to their vehicle. Graham thought them going anywhere a remote possibility. He was half-tempted to order Willow and Tara a pizza anonymously to make sure they ate before they gave into sleep. He hesitated for a moment, then gave in to the impulse and pulled out his cell phone. He ordered the pizza and paid for it with a personal credit card. He caught Riley smiling at him. "What?" "Nothing." Riley looked back through the windshield, concentrating on the road once more. "Even though we've got this thing figured out, we should probably cover all the bases." Graham shot him a narrow-eyed looked. The smile hadn't disappeared. "How?" "You know, check up on the rest of the group. Keep an eye on whoever's left tomorrow. Let's see...we followed Willow and Tara today, so that leaves-" Graham balled up a convenient piece of paper and tossed it at him. He knew confessing his crush was a mistake. Riley hadn't been fazed by Graham coming out to him; instead, he took childish glee in teasing him about the various men he found attractive. He never should have told him why he was always asking about Xander. He never would have heard half the stories Riley made a special point to tell him, but...he sighed. Any amount of teasing was worth hearing Xander stories, especially since Riley was a good enough friend to edit Anya out of them so Xander always seemed available. A man could dream, couldn't he? "Tyndal might not agree with you," he said, stifling the hope rising within him. "He seems like a methodical man," Riley said. "And Xander's always been in the thick of things before." Graham glared at him for as long as he could before giving up and laughing. "Government approved stalking. I get paid for it this time!" "It's got to be better for you than when you were doing it on your own. How much extra time did you have to spend in the gym after scarfing junk just to talk to him?" Graham flipped Riley off and relaxed in his seat. It had been worth it. And he might just be fooling himself, but most times he bought something from Xander, he ended up with extra fries or a drink he hadn't ordered. It was no undying declaration of love, and it had played havoc with his cholesterol, but it was enough to give him some hope. Xander didn't just give free onion rings to anyone. Graham would know - he'd spent enough time watching him, after all. Their meeting with Tyndal was brief. He listened to their reports, nodding thoughtfully. "I concur with your observations, men. The actions of the two women seem to be the most likely explanation for the quick turn around in the situation here." He flipped through some papers on his desk and for a moment Graham was sure they were going to be dismissed. Tyndal looked up. "Still, I prefer to be thorough. I want you to shadow the Harris boy tomorrow, just to be sure all our bases are covered." "Yes, sir." Wonder of wonders, both of them managed to keep a straight face. As they left the office, Graham knew he was in for a long night of teasing. That was fine by him. If it helped distract Riley from his own problems, then Graham would take the cute remarks and jokes at his expense in stride. Besides, he was going to see Xander tomorrow. What else mattered compared to that? ***** "You know what I hate most about this job?" Graham didn't bother to answer. He knew he wasn't expected to. He just concentrated on putting one foot in front of the other. A few more minutes and they'd be back at base, back where there were showers and clean clothes and aspirin. Riley wasn't fazed by his lack of response. "It's not the hours. I can handle being out all night, I've been doing it for years. It's not the slime and mucus and ick that we run into, either. That stuff washes. It's the lack of bragging rights." Graham nodded, continuing his methodical pace. "Next time we're in a bar and everyone starts bragging about the ops they've been a part of-" "We're going to be stuck with our mouths glued shut by top secret clearances," Riley finished. "We won't be able to say anything so everyone else is going to feel all big and bad because they beat up on some po- dunk terrorist death squad. Meanwhile, we have just taken out an entire nest of Dimoir demons-" "Way tougher than any pansy-ass bunch of terrorists!" "And we won't be able to tell anyone and make them shut their damn mouths." Riley shifted his pack with a muffled curse. "First stop, medics tent." Graham grunted his agreement. The Dimoirs had been a bitch to route out, but they'd finally won. He wanted a shower more than anything else, but he wouldn't turn down pain relievers. He was feeling mildly pulped and Riley was in worse shape. Lately his tall friend had been throwing himself into skirmishes with near-mindless intensity, risking his life and his health without hesitation. Graham was worried about him. The silent fury that filled him had only appeared once he left Sunnydale. Graham suspected it had to do with his break up with Buffy, but Riley refused to discuss it. All Graham could do was try to keep him alive until he worked things out for himself. It wasn't an easy task. They were based in the middle of the South American jungle working to contain a recent outbreak of demon attacks on humans there. The government considered it good training for further encounters inside US borders. Their excursions into the jungle were filled with gunfire and blood and death. Graham was beginning to look forward to returning state side and having some downtime. He just had to make sure Riley made it back with him. The medics bandaged them up quickly, used to having them come in with assorted scrapes and bruises. Graham was halfway into shower mode when they were stopped by a soldier ordering them to report to their commanding officer immediately. Graham cast a worried glance at Riley. They couldn't be sent back out into the field. He was exhausted and Riley was in no shape for any sort of combat. While they were waiting to be admitted into the office, Graham tried to come up with reasons that would excuse them from going back out. When they were finally admitted into the office, their CO was flipping through a folder. He didn't look up as they entered. "At ease. I know you've just come in from the field. You're due for some downtime, but I'm afraid I'm gong to have to ask you to prepare to ship out immediately." "Where to, sir?" Riley asked. "Back to Sunnydale." Graham didn't miss the way that Riley tensed up. "The situation there has destabilized drastically in the past few days. It is too important a strategic area to allow this to continue. We need people to go in and assess the problem and if need be take steps to restore order. You two are the most qualified men we have. There's a plane leaving in an hour. Pack up and be on it." "Sir." They acknowledged and saluted as one. "Dismissed." As they packed, Graham waited for Riley to say something. There really wasn't a way for him to broach the subject - "So, Ri, looking forward to seeing the ex?" "Gee, it'll be great to get back to the scene of so much death and destruction and humiliating defeats, won't it?" But Riley didn't say a word; he just packed his gear with robotic efficiency. They were on the plane in plenty of time and still Riley stayed silent. Graham fought the urge to fidget. He was worried about Riley and worried about the situation in Sunnydale. What could've happened to Buffy that she let things get out of hand? What if something had happened to her? What if something had happened to one of her friends? A chill rippled through him and he pushed the thought away. Xander was fine. He had to be. Graham wasn't going to have spent so much time thinking about him and dreaming over him only to find out something had happened to him while he was gone. As it so often did in quiet moments, his mind turned to Xander. He'd never really spoken to the dark-haired man, but his dreams had been full of him ever since he'd first seen him. He'd slowly grown to recognize him as a part of the Slayer's team. Whenever Riley spoke about time spent with Buffy, Graham listened most intently when he talked about things Xander had done or said. He had been fascinated by the smile in Xander's eyes, the way he laughed his way through life in a town filled with creatures spawned from hell. Graham wanted to know what it was like to be able to do that. He wanted to know what it was like to hear Xander laugh, to maybe even be the one to make him do it. That fascination had been influenced by a healthy dose of attraction: he hadn't missed Xander's broad shoulders or long eyelashes. Soon, chance encounters hadn't been enough contact for him and he had begun to deliberately seek the other man out. He'd risked food poisoning and worse going to the various jobs that Xander had held. He would order his burger or buy his Icee and linger in the store, watching the way Xander moved with covetous eyes. Every so often he'd be rewarded by having Xander smile at him as he wished him a nice day. It wasn't much, but the warmth he felt inside each time it happened was more than enough to keep him coming back for more. Dividing his time between worrying about Xander and worrying about Riley, Graham gave in to the pain medication coursing through his system and fell asleep. He awoke as the plane touched down. Looking at his friend, he couldn't tell if Riley had slept or not. The dark smudges beneath the blond man's eyes didn't give him much hope. The silence between them continued as they were led to the office of the major in charge of maintain surveillance over the Sunnydale area. Major Tyndal shuffled the papers on his desk. "Take a seat, gentlemen. I know you're just in from the field." As they did so, he pushed two folders across the desk toward them. "The situation in Sunnydale has changed since the time you went airborne. At first, there was a total breakdown in the Slayer's control; HSTs were running unchecked through the town and chaos levels had noticeably risen. This continued for several days until the situation reached a critical level, at which point you were called in. Eighteen hours ago, the situation changed. The influx of HSTs into Sunnydale has slowed nearly to a stop and those already there have ceased all overtly hostile activities. There is still more disorder than usual, but it has returned to manageable levels. Our surveillance on the Slayer reveals that she is still out of the field, so something else must causing the stability. For this reason, your mission has changed. You are no longer to restore order, but instead determine exactly what changed last night and how order is being maintained." As Tyndal spoke, Graham perused the file in his hands. He nodded to himself as he found that Buffy was alive. For reasons not known, she had stopped patrolling the town as Slayer. He snuck a glance at Riley and was pleased to see him relax for the first time since they'd been told they were returning. Graham was relieved as well; he hadn't wanted to think that something serious might have happened to Buffy. Experience told him that it took a Slayer to control the Hellmouth and he didn't want to imagine the sort of chaos that could result if she was taken out of the picture permanently. Even more importantly, he didn't want to think about how Riley would react to losing Buffy forever. "Any thoughts, gentlemen?" Riley inhaled slowly. "Buffy didn't always work on her own." Graham knew Riley was reluctant to bring her friends into this, but it was his duty as a soldier. Besides, it wasn't as though they hadn't already come to the attention of the military. "That is our current hypothesis as well. We believe that her friends have brought the situation under control. We want to know how they are doing so and if their efforts are going to last or if this is merely a temporary measure. We've moved surveillance teams into position to monitor them. You two have had the most experience working in this area: I'm relying on you to join the surveillance and assess the situation. Is that understood?" Graham rose to his feet, as did Riley. "Yes, sir." "If it is indeed the work of the Slayer's friends, then you are to also determine if they will benefit from our aid. Remembering the catastrophe that occurred the last time we became involved in Sunnydale, I am reluctant to send any men in unless certain that they will be able to effectively deal with the situation." "Yes, sir." "Quarters have been assigned to you. You have twelve hours downtime to rest and finish reviewing your briefing materials before joining the surveillance teams. Dismissed." Graham saluted and followed Riley out the door. Out in the hall, Riley sighed hugely. "She's alive." Graham grasped his shoulder in a strong grip. "Come on. You need to sleep." He was pleased to see Riley nod. He had a feeling that they had better take what rest they could get. Missions on the Hellmouth had a tendency to get ugly fast and with no warning. Forget the distractions presented by Buffy for Riley and Xander for himself; they were going to have their hands full just staying alive. ***** Graham sighed blissfully and opened the passenger door to the vehicle. Humming to himself, he climbed inside. "Are you sure you don't want to drive?" Riley asked. Graham just grinned and shook his head. "Right. Distracted. I should've known." Riley got behind the wheel with a rueful smile. "You should've," Graham agreed. Riley knew he was in no shape for concentrating on the road. Oh, he could have done it if it had been necessary, but he really didn't want to. They'd just finished staking out Xander at his current job. God bless construction work. Riley had seemed bored most of the time they had spent watching the construction site of a new set of tract of housing, but Graham had been enthralled. Xander had walked around in faded jeans and a button down shirt, carrying lumbar and tools. He had been quiet, but had laughed and joked around with the other workers when they spoke to him. He seemed popular, always ready to lend a hand if it was needed before anyone could even ask. Graham hadn't been able to hear anything that was said, but the smiles on the faces of the men around Xander made him wish he could. As the day had grown warmer, Xander shed his shirt and just wore a white undershirt. Riley had made a show of waving his hand in front of Graham's face to break his concentration. Graham smacked the offending hand away; it was blocking his view of Xander. The dark-haired man's face had been set in lines of concentration as he had focused on sawing boards down to size and plotting out angles and distances for walls and foundations. The afternoon sun had summoned up a sheen of moisture that covered Xander's skin and his body had gleamed as he worked the day away. Graham closed his eyes, picturing Xander once more. The image that rose in his mind wasn't perfect: Xander had only really spoken when spoken to, and his eyes had been dark with weariness. It wasn't the same exhaustion as they had seen in the girls, but Graham still didn't like it. He asked Riley, "Did you notice how tired he looked?" "What, you did?" Riley asked with exaggerated surprise. "I would've thought you were too busy staring at his ass." Graham glared at him. "I didn't *just* look at his ass." "True. The rest of the time, you were making sheep's eyes at the rest of him." "Only you would make a comment about sheep's eyes. I guess that unhealthy obsession you developed with them back on the farm never really - hey!" They were going to have to clean up the car. There were too many pieces of paper lying about that Riley could ball up and throw at him. "He should head straight home," Riley said, mind back on the mission. "We'll connect with the surveillance team there and see if we can find out what's got him so worn out." They couldn't risk following him too closely themselves for fear of being spotted, so another team would handle that until he reached his house. Graham and Riley crammed themselves inside a different surveillance van just as the sun started to go down. Graham watched the video screens with interest, wanting to see what Xander's apartment looked like. It didn't have much in the way of furniture in the living room or two bedrooms and it was cluttered as though Xander hadn't had time to do any real cleaning. It wasn't dirty; it just wasn't neat. It looked as though Xander hadn't been spending much time there...Graham resolutely ignored that line of thought. No thinking about Xander spending all his time with Anya for him. He'd just think about Xander in a tank top some more instead. The sound of the van's radio crackling to life startled him out of his reverie. //Harris has been joined by an unknown individual. They're both enroute to his apartment.// "Copy that," Riley acknowledged. "It's probably Anya," he said quietly, glancing at Graham. "Probably," Graham agreed, keeping his tone neutral. No need to broadcast his crush to the techies, now was there? He watched the monitor more closely and was rewarded after several minutes by seeing Xander enter the apartment closely followed by...Hostile 17? Graham heard Riley swear and instantly sympathized. He'd heard Riley complain about Spike and the way the vampire was sniffing around Buffy more times than he could count. He remembered Spike from his incarceration within the Initiative compound, when he was just Hostile 17 awaiting chip-insertion. He'd noticed the vampire because of his amazing eyes and lean body, feeling the insistent pull of lust even as he'd reminded himself that the man was evil. What the hell was he doing with Xander? Neither man said anything. Xander dropped his tools on the floor and headed for the bathroom, the only room without a camera in it, while Spike walked into the kitchen. While Xander showered and changed his clothes, Spike pulled a bag of liquid out of the refrigerator and poured it into a saucepan, as well as stuck a frozen dinner in the microwave. By the time Xander returned, hair damp and wearing clean clothes, Spike had the dinner waiting for him on the counter. Xander took it with a quiet thank you and wolfed it down. Spike watched him, sipping the heated liquid that he'd poured into a mug. Blood, Graham realized. Spike kept blood in Xander's refrigerator. And made Xander dinner! What the hell was this? Riley was no help; he looked even more confused then Graham felt. They both stared at the screen, trying to understand what was happening. Spike watched Xander over the rim of his mug. "Maybe you should stay in tonight. You look tired." Xander licked his fork clean and shook his head. "We've got work to do. No rest for the weary." He threw out his dinner box and opened one of the drawers in the kitchen and pulled out a pair of stakes and a handgun. "No rest for the wicked, either," he said, shrugging on a jacket. "Let's go." Spike tossed back the rest of his blood. Wiping the back of his hand across his mouth, he followed Xander out the door. "Where the hell are they going?" Graham asked. "Xander just spent the last ten hours at work!" He grasped the door handle to the van's side door, waiting for the all clear signal. As soon as the tech nodded, he and Riley hit the street. They kept their distance, not wanting either man ahead to notice them. Neither of them spoke; focused on the mission, Graham pushed his concern to the side to deal with later. Xander and Spike moved with purpose; they weren't out on the random wandering patrols that Riley had described as being the usual for Buffy's friends. The two men walked quickly toward their goal: one of Sunnydale's many cemeteries. Once inside, they slowed down, speaking in quiet tones to each other. Graham shook his head. They were an open invitation to attack. He should have remembered what thinking thoughts like that in Sunnydale could do. Five figures appeared from the shadows, circling Xander and Spike. Graham eyed Riley, waiting for a signal that they should intervene. Riley shook his head so Graham went back to watching, muscles tense. If Xander looked like he was in trouble, he was going in. He was sure Riley would be right beside him. Xander and Spike separated, turning to keep the beings surrounding them in sight. The five strangers vamped out as they closed in. Xander immediately pulled out the stakes he had stashed away, Spike vamped out, and the fight was on. Xander staked one of the vampires immediately and fended off another with his stake, while Spike dusted two others before they could react. Spike barely paused before leaping upon a third, knocking it to the ground and snapping its neck before thrusting a stake into its heart. The blond man was on his feet immediately and moved in on the remaining vampire. Obviously frightened, the final attacker hesitated, giving Xander the opportunity to stake it cleanly. Graham watched as Spike spoke intently to Xander. It didn't make any real sense, but it looked as though Spike was protecting Xander. Not just making sure that he didn't die, which would have made sense from the situation Riley had explained: Spike had to keep him alive or else Buffy would kill him. Spike had gone beyond that, though. He had hurried the killing of the vampires he'd faced, not taking any time to toy with them or enjoy the carnage. Not only that, but now he was checking Xander over carefully, damn near fussing over him to make sure that he hadn't been hurt. It was impossible, but it looked like Spike cared about Xander, that he was actually worried about whether Xander was injured or not. Graham consciously relaxed his hands, loosening the fists he hadn't realized he'd made. He didn't like seeing Xander in danger; he liked seeing Spike practically fawn over him even less. Spike had to have some sort of plan, one that would ultimately end up hurting Xander. It might relate back to the vampire's obsession with Buffy, the one that made Riley crazy every time he talked about it. Whatever it was, Graham wasn't just going to stand by and let the blond bastard use Xander. He'd find a way to work it into mission parameters: he wasn't going to let Xander be hurt. Riley's hand on his shoulder forced Graham out of his brooding reverie. Graham nodded sharply to indicate that his head was back in the game. He watched as Spike argued with Xander, their voices too low for him to know over what. Whatever it was, Xander refused to go along with Spike. The vampire lit a cigarette, his jerky movements telegraphing his irritation clearly. He wasn't angry enough to leave Xander, though; the two men continued walking deeper into the cemetery together. Graham and Riley drifted along behind them, waiting to see what happened next. The demon that arose slavering from behind a tomb came as a complete surprise to Graham. He immediately pulled out his side arm, as did Riley beside. Of course, that was after he took a few steps back and successfully managed not to soil himself. He clamped down on his panic, smoothly shifting into battle mode. His emotions faded away and he became the soldier he'd trained so long to be: calculating and cool and efficient. It was this calm that allowed him to notice a few things, even as the demon rose to its true height and loomed large in the moonlight. First, Spike and Xander didn't really seem surprised by the demon's appearance. Neither man wasted anytime with surprised exclamations or panic; instead, Xander retreated a few paces and pulled out the handgun he'd retrieved at his apartment. At the same time, Spike launched himself at the demon, not hesitating for a moment as he tore at the creature with clawed hands. Second, Spike was definitely protecting Xander. The vampire was pitting himself against a demon, a creature that he could injure and torment as much as he liked without any repercussions from the chip inside his head. Riley had spent hours talking about the reasons why he loathed Spike, so Graham knew quite a bit about him. He knew that Spike should have been inflicting as much damage on the demon as possible, drawing out its pain as he concentrated on enjoying the torture. Instead, he was working as quickly as he could to kill the demon, glancing back at Xander whenever he could, checking on the dark-haired man to be sure that he was all right. Graham and Riley held their positions. So long as Spike and Xander were in no real danger, they had no reason to break cover and compromise the mission. That didn't mean that Graham wasn't burning to interfere, to pull Xander away from both the demon and the vampire, but he stayed true to his training and didn't reveal himself. Spike kicked the demon once more in the head then leapt away from it, giving Xander a clear shot at it. Holding his weapon with surprising professionalism, Xander fired two shots. With a wailing sigh, the demon collapsed, its skull shattered by the two bullets. Spike nodded approvingly toward Xander. The two men spoke quietly, then walked quickly out of the cemetery, heading back to Xander's apartment. Graham and Riley continued to follow them at a distance. After watching the two men enter the apartment building, Graham led the way to the surveillance van. He sat down and scooted closer to the wall of television screens, needing to see what was coming next. Xander put away the stakes, then reloaded and stored the gun. He then disappeared into the bathroom again and once more emerged with damp hair, wearing a pair of blue flannel pants and nothing else. He yawned hugely. "Night, Spike." "Night, Whelp." Spike was sprawled across the couch flipping through a magazine. Xander walked into his bedroom and flopped down onto the bed, sighing as he wriggled around on the sheets. After finding a comfortable position, he fell asleep almost immediately. As soon as Xander disappeared, the vampire tossed the magazine onto the table and rose to his feet. He began to move about the apartment, quietly putting used dishes in the dishwasher, shifting Xander's tools off to the side so they were no longer a hazard, and just in general neatening the apartment. "I wonder if he does windows," the tech commented. Graham exchanged a confused glance with Riley. What the hell was going on? Spike was now Xander's houseboy? He didn't like this at all. Spike wasn't acting at all like the vampire Graham remembered from his confinement within the Initiative base. There, he'd been coiled energy personified, muttering scorching curses and always looking for a chance to escape. Riley had told him tales of Spike gleefully reveling in violence, and yet the blond man was picking up the apartment of a supposed foe. And since when was Xander comfortable about having Spike in his apartment? They were wishing each other good night like they were Waltens instead of enemies. Graham impatiently motioned for the tech to turn up the volume. Spike finished with his cleaning. For a moment he stood in the middle of the apartment, shifting his weight as if in indecision. The moment passed and he walked silently across the room to Xander's bedroom door. He paused outside, head cocked to the side as though listening. After a few moments he slowly pushed the door open and went inside. Graham's muscles tensed as he readied himself to move. He knew Spike was chipped, knew that he couldn't hurt Xander, but he couldn't relax. The moment it looked as though Spike was going to do anything to harm Xander, Graham was going to be out of the van and up the stairs to stop him. Spike stood in the doorway, staring down at Xander. His gaze roamed over the sleeping man's body, tracing the lines of his back, the way one of his legs hung off the bed. He stood like that for long minutes, then walked toward Xander. He reached out and lifted Xander's leg, gently maneuvering it back onto the bed before pulling the blanket up to cover him. He brushed his fingertips over the exposed skin of Xander's shoulder, then silently left the room. He walked over to the other bedroom, shed his clothes and fell into bed himself. After neither man moved for a half-hour, the tech leaned back in his chair. "Show's over. Harris will sleep for another five hours and then get up for work, and this Spike guy will sleep for most of the day. Then he'll either leave wearing a protective layer for the sun or wait for Harris to come home." Graham nodded and he and Riley exited the van. As they drove back toward base, Riley looked over at him. "Weird." "Weird is putting it mildly. Since when is Spike Xander's guardian angel?" "I think Tyndal needs to hear about this." Graham agreed. As soon as the returned to base, they reported to the major. Tyndal received them in his office, listening to their observations without comment. He nodded slowly as they fell silent. "I think you men are right. Harris and this Spike's actions are out of character, based on all the intelligence we've gathered on them. It needs to be looked into." "I have a theory, sir," Graham volunteered. After Tyndal nodded his encouragement, he continued. "I believe that Willow and Tara's spell is keeping any more HSTs from entering the Sunnydale area, but that doesn't explain why the ones already present are more under control. I think that Harris and Spike are responsible for the restoration of order." "Or at least play a large part in it," Riley added. Tyndal considered their words. "I agree. Tomorrow, I want you to initiate contact with Harris. If he's part of the reason the situation here hasn't completely gone to hell, then I want you to help him. We need the Hellmouth stable for the sake of national security and I'm not willing to rely on the efforts of one civilian and an HST." He shuffled some of the papers on his desk. "For the time being, avoid contact with Summers. Until we understand why she's abandoned her work as the Slayer I don't want her involved." Graham and Riley snapped salutes at the major and were dismissed. As they walked toward their quarters, Graham watched Riley carefully. He'd just been ordered to stay away from his ex. Graham had no idea what to say, so he settled for sneaking glances at his friend at every opportunity. Finally, Riley couldn't take it anymore. "I'm fine, Graham. I'm not happy, but I'm fine." Graham nodded slowly. Riley had never been able to lie to him, not about anything that really mattered. "Just checking." "I know." A sudden grin lit the light-haired man's face. "Actually, I should be worried about you. After all, tomorrow you're going to be meeting Xander." Graham froze, his shirt half-pulled over his head. He glared at Riley. "You fuck." Riley's grin was unrepentant. "We've been ordered to contact him. To work closely with him." Graham threw his shirt at Riley. "Now I'm never going to get to sleep." Riley pulled the shirt off his head and tossed it back at him. "Just don't be too loud, all right? I need my beauty rest." "No amount of rest is going to help that mug of yours." Graham fell easily into the pattern of bickering, but his heat wasn't in it. He was going to see Xander tomorrow. He was going to talk to him and be near him and not have to stalk him... He was never going to get to sleep. ***** Xander fiddled with the radio in his car, searching for a station to help keep him awake on his drive home. Spike hadn't shown up at the site, so he didn't have anyone to talk to. Settling on Linkin Park, he sang along quietly as he drove. Work was going to slow down for the next few weeks as inspectors moved through the area, doubling checking that everything was up to code, so he was looking forward to the coming half-days. He was going to get some much needed sleep. Just not while he was driving. He turned up the volume. He had to stay awake; there was more work to do tonight. He and Spike needed to finish cleaning out the nest of fledges infesting the Quiet Rest Cemetery. They'd gotten some of them the night before, but Xander knew there were more, and he knew where they were hiding. They needed to get rid of them before they had a chance to multiply. He parked his car and walked up the stairs, hoping that Spike would be home. He liked coming home and having someone be there. He liked coming home and having *Spike* be there. He recognized that thought as dangerous, but he couldn't help it. Spike had become a friend, a good friend that Xander looked forward to seeing. The animosity between them had disappeared, its only lingering trace remaining in the bickering they engaged in as a matter of habit. The heat was gone from their words, though; the battle of words was now just a game. Over time, Xander had come to appreciate Spike's biting humor, his eagerness to join in a fight, his clear, blunt way of looking at situations, the way his black jeans hugged his ass... Xander shook his head. That thought went beyond dangerous. It was an unauthorized thought, one he didn't want to have, and it kept coming back again and again. He paused outside the door, taking a moment to gather himself before unlocking it and walking inside. He opened his mouth to speak, but didn't get the chance. "Save me the Ricky Ricardo bit," Spike called from the couch. "I hate that damn show." Xander closed his mouth and grinned. "But that's why it's so much fun to do." The blond man raised two fingers in an obscene gesture. Xander ignored him and dropped his tools by the door. He grabbed a clean pair of jeans and a t-shirt and headed for the bathroom, needing to take a shower and wash away the sweat and dirt from the day at work. He washed quickly, hoping that if they got out on the streets early, he'd be able to come back and get a little more sleep. Exiting the bathroom, he looked around the apartment for Spike. The vampire was in the kitchen, watching two pans he had on the stove. Xander wandered over. "Double helpings tonight?" "One of them's for you." Spike stirred one of them with a spoon. Xander watched in horrified fascination as the thick red liquid swirled around in the pan. "Please tell me you're using two spoons." The look Spike shot him was gleefully evil, and sexy as hell. Another unauthorized thought! Xander backed away from Spike and busied himself by rooting around in the fridge, searching for something to drink. This situation was bad and it was getting worse. Xander could get around lust. Lust, he was used to. He could still vividly remember being subject to the whims of his hormones when he was a teenager, when the sight of a girl's bare leg or a boy's muscled arm would send heat and embarrassment coursing through him in equal measure. He was a little more in control now, and had learned to live with the sudden rush of desire that he felt when he looked at Spike. He used to be able to control it by reminding himself what Spike was; it was hard to check out a guy when you were concentrating on not letting him kill you. Now that he had become a friend and the next best thing to a roommate, Xander found that it was more and more difficult to ignore the lust he felt toward the vampire. It was more and more difficult to ignore that lust growing into something deeper and even more frightening. Familiarity was supposed to breed contempt, but in Xander's case the exact opposite was happening. He couldn't do this. It was stupid and futile and dangerous. There was no way Spike could ever feel the same way. Xander was only going to get himself hurt and he'd probably end up destroying the friendship they'd begun to build between them. He had to figure out a way to stop this. He settled on a bottle of juice and straightened, turning in time to see Spike pour the contents of each pan into separate mugs: cream of something soup and blood. "You'd better have used separate spoons," Xander muttered, twisting the cap off his juice. Spike smirked as he handed him his mug. "Drink up." As Xander sipped at his soup he realized how much his life had changed. A month ago he never would have allowed Spike anywhere near his apartment, and certainly wouldn't have invited him to enter. Now he looked forward to having the vampire in the house; the other man's presence was warming him even more than the soup. Xander sipped at the soup, hiding his smile behind the rim of the mug. Spike wasn't an enemy any longer. Now he was a friend, practically living with Xander, and every day Xander feared him a little less and fell in love with him a little more. Xander choked on his soup. Bad brain! That thought was so unauthorized that his brain was now committing crimes as far as he was concerned. There was no way he was falling in love with Spike. He was had too much going on in his life to be making that colossal of a mistake. His head began to ache as his thoughts swirled in tightening circles of denial and confusion. He was grateful when the doorbell rang, eager for a distraction from his thoughts. He swallowed the rest of his soup and headed for the door. He had no idea who it could be. Willow and Tara should still be too worn out to even think about moving beyond the campus. It wouldn't be Buffy or Giles - they were still communicating solely by telephone, so focused on their task that nothing else could catch their attention. He peered through the peep hole, not willing to just open his door. He might be suicidally foolish when it came to his love life, but no way was he going to just open the door and wait for something to take his head off. Although that would certainly teach his brain a lesson. He swore as soon as he realized what he was seeing. "Spike, maybe you'd better head out the back way." "What is it?" "Riley. Riley Finn and he's got someone with him." Xander turned around and glared at Spike. "Why are you still here? I think the guy with him was a part of the Initiative." The vampire shook his head. "Why don't you open the door?" "Spike, what the hell is Riley doing back in town with the Initiative? They could be here for you." Xander fought down the panic he felt at the thought. "You need to get out of here." "I'm not going anywhere, pet." Spike's posture was one of complete nonchalance, but his fingers moved restlessly, telegraphing his readiness for action. He noticed Xander's hesitation and smiled. "It'll be all right." Xander knew it was crazy, but he believed him. He nodded and opened up the door. Riley's smile was definitely nervous. "Hey, Xander." "Riley." He didn't open the door all the way and blocked the view to his apartment with his body. He couldn't help it; as long as he was able, he was going to try to protect Spike. "Is there something I can help you with?" Riley nodded. "I think there's a way we can help each other. Can we come in?" "Sure." Xander stepped back to allow Riley and the man with him to enter. He hadn't known the other man well, but he'd come to like him. He wanted to think that he could trust Riley but he couldn't be sure. Riley had gone back to the Initiative, leaving Buffy and the rest of them behind. He watched Riley and the other man enter. Neither of them seemed especially surprised to see Spike. The vampire bared his teeth in a parody of smile and Riley nodded toward him. Xander used the opportunity presented by the two men looking around his apartment to study Riley's companion. He recognized the other man as a member of the Initiative and a friend of Riley, but he knew him from other places, too. The blue-eyed man had shown up at quite a few of the jobs Xander had held in the past year, ordering burgers and ice cream and nachos from him. Xander had noticed him because of his strong handsome features and intense blue eyes. He'd nursed a secret fantasy that the other man had come to all those places just to see him. It had been a nice dream to fall into and help pass the time during different mind-numbingly boring jobs, but he knew in reality that the guy was probably just addicted to junk food. He had to work out quite a bit in order to compensate...Xander felt the old rush of attraction, just as strong as ever, wash over him all over again. If he didn't gain control of his libido soon, he was going to have to call on Willow to do some sort of temporary neutering spell. "What are you doing back in town?" Xander asked as Riley and Graham finally settled down into the two chairs. He sat down on the arm of the couch and was conscious of Spike coming to stand beside and slightly behind him. To his credit, Riley answered immediately with no hint of deception. "We were told that the situation here had destabilized and that we were needed to restore order. By the time we got here, things were almost back to being under control and the mission changed to trying to figure out what had been done and how we could help to maintain order." Xander nodded. "Things were getting bad, but Willow and Tara cast a spell that helped a lot. Spike and I have been doing clean up ever since." "If you'll let us, we want to help with that." Riley hesitated. "What made the situation go bad?" Spike's hand pressed lightly against the center of Xander's back, a wordless gesture of support. Xander drew in a shuddering breath. "I don't know how much you've heard. A few months ago Joyce got sick. Buffy's mom," he added for the sake of Riley's friend. "She'd seem to get better for a little while and then things would get bad again. Just when we thought she was getting better, she died." His throat closed up and he couldn't speak for a moment. He could still feel the loss of Joyce ripping through him. To him, she'd represented home and family and love and stability; she was home, the kind of home he someday hoped to make for himself. When she died, a lot of that hope died as well. Spike's hand moved in soothing circles, a point of contact that helped Xander to focus on finishing the story. He cleared his throat, but his voice still came out rough. "After Joyce died, Buffy took over caring for Dawn. Her sister. It looked like we might be able to find a way to juggle everything so that things would come out right. Then Dawn got sick." "What's wrong with her?" Riley asked. "We don't know. Buffy and Giles are concentrating on trying to find out." "That's why she hasn't been patrolling." "The rest of us have been trying to take up the slack." "What's he doing here?" Riley asked, nodding toward Spike. Xander didn't have to look at Spike to know the gesture he was making was obscene. "Spike's helping. Without him, Sunnydale might have been a smoking crater by the time you got here instead of its lovely demon-infested self." He jerked his chin toward Riley's friend. "What's he doing here?" "He's here to help, too. Xander, this is Graham Miller. I worked with him in the Initiative. He's a good friend." Graham. Xander now had a name to go with his fantasies. He stood up at the same time as Graham and reached out to shake his hand. The other man's hand was warm, his grip firm. Xander wanted to pretend that it lingered, but he knew that was a combination of his own doing and wishful thinking instead of reality. "So now what?" Xander asked. "We want to help, if you'll let us," Graham said. Xander hesitated. He and Spike could used some help. Even with reduced hours coming up he wasn't going to be able to keep up the pace of patrolling and work for much longer. It was risky; he wasn't certain that he could trust them completely. He looked at Spike and read concern in the other man's blue eyes. If he and Spike were careful, they could keep the secret of Dawn's nature hidden. With a little more effort, they could probably hide the arrangement Xander had made as well. "I'd be glad of help. Can we all agree to bury the hatchet and work together?" Graham and Riley nodded. Spike shifted restlessly. "Just so long as it's understood that the first time you two make a wrong step, I'll find a way to bury that hatchet in your heads." Riley flushed and rose to his feet. Xander held up a hand to forestall his reply. "We can take the bickering on the road. We've got a nest of fledges to clear out tonight, so I don't want to waste any more time." Xander waited for everyone's acknowledgement and geared up before leading the way out of the apartment. As they walked toward the cemetery, Spike stayed closed to him. "The fledges are going to be in the same place we found them last night," the vampire said. Xander shot him a grateful look. Spike was making it seem as though he were the one that knew where to find the demons they hunted night after night. He was protecting Xander's secret. Xander gave in to the warmth that filled him and smiled his thanks at the vampire. He received a smile back in return, and Spike moved even closer to him. The vampire's presence made it difficult to talk to Riley or Graham; Spike was always right there, between him and the other men, blocking his view of them. It was a little awkward, but Xander liked having him close. If nothing else, it was stopping him from looking like an idiot in front Graham by babbling at him. Once in the cemetery, Xander and Spike led the way to the place where they'd encountered the new-made vampires the night before. Predictable creatures, those that remained were in the same area. The temptation of three humans proved to be too much for them and the remaining members of the nest soon converged on the four of them. Xander concentrated on keeping fangs out of his neck as he fended off the vampires that had chosen to focus on him. He knew Riley could take care of himself and he figured Graham could do the same. He trusted that Spike would be watching his back; the vampire had kept him alive over the past weeks, never once abandoning Xander to the demons they'd faced. He staked an overconfident fledge first thing, and then nailed its indignant buddy. He ducked quickly as a third ran at him snarling, bringing one of his stakes up sharply and spearing it squarely through the chest. As ash showered down upon him, he looked around quickly. Riley and Graham were each finishing up their last opponents and Spike was watching him with worried eyes. "Are you all right?" The vampire reached out as thought to touch him, then aborted the movement and lit a cigarette. Xander shook his head. What was he thinking? Why would Spike want to touch him? "I'm fine." He watched Graham kick his fledge in the face and follow through with a smooth thrust with his stake. His eyes caught every ripple of muscle, every graceful, deadly twist. He jerked his gaze away as soon as he realized he was staring. The last thing he needed to do was alienate Graham. As Graham and Riley checked on each other, Spike leaned in and asked, "Where to next, pet?" His lips almost brushed Xander's ear as he spoke. Repressing a delighted shudder, Xander shook his head. "Nowhere." He tapped his head. "I'm empty. We're going to have to go visit him again." Spike scowled, his jaw tight with tension. "Tomorrow," he said firmly. Xander acquiesced easily. He wasn't all that eager to pay the visit, but it had to be done. "You'll come with me?" Spike blinked. "Of course." He sounded surprised that Xander had even asked. Xander resisted the urge to smack himself upside the head. He really needed to talk to Willow about that hormone-suppressant spell. He was really beginning to imagine things. He watched Riley and Graham walk over to join them. Now he just needed to get home without looking like a complete idiot in front of Spike or Graham. Watching Graham's confident walk and small half-smile and feeling Spike's leather-clad shoulder brush against his, he knew he was in trouble. ***** Graham watched in concern as Xander yawned again while walking back to his apartment. The dark-haired man wasn't just tired from the fight; he was utterly exhausted. Some of it could be expected: Xander had acquitted himself well during the confrontation with the vampires. He'd fought with determination, relying on experience instead of fancy maneuvers. Coming down from an adrenaline high usually sapped one's strength, but Xander looked ready to curl up and sleep in a convenient alley. He shifted impatiently. He wanted to make sure Xander was all right, but he was having a difficult time even getting a clear view of the other man. Spike was constantly beside Xander, blocking Graham's access to him. It was making the soldier a little crazy. Finally meeting Xander hadn't helped him get over his crush; instead, it only made things worse. He'd gotten to see Xander up close, look into his dark eyes and hear him say his name. He'd *touched* him. He reached out and taken Xander's hand. He'd cheated a little during the handshake and held on for a few extra seconds, memorizing the feeling of Xander's callused palm, the strength in his fingers and the heat of his skin. That little touch had sealed Graham's fate. His crush was rapidly becoming something stronger with every moment he spent with Xander. Even if there was a vampire with some kind of peroxide fetish standing between them. Refusing to look at Spike any more than he had to, Graham put his secret ops training to use and managed to maneuver around the blond man so he could walk next to Xander. "Are you sure you're all right?" Xander's smile lit his eyes. "Yeah. I'm fine." "You just seem awfully tired." Graham hoped he was coming across as concerned rather than nosy. Spike laughed derisively. "Can't imagine why he'd be tired. He just worked a full day at a construction site and then went running about a bloody cemetery." Graham glared at him. He didn't care how touchable Spike's cheekbones were, he wasn't going to just sit there and let the vampire snipe away at him and interrupt his Xander time. Besides, he didn't like how close Spike was staying to Xander. The blond man was practically hovering over him. He was distracted from making a snide comment in return by their return to Xander's apartment building. Xander smiled a little hesitantly. "You guys want to come up?" Graham nodded quickly. "There are still a few things we should discuss." He refused to turn around and look at Riley. He was technically stepping into Riley's position and usurping his place, but he knew his friend was going to be amused rather than upset. He didn't want to turn around and see Riley laughing at him. On the upside, his quick agreement seemed to have irritated Spike, which made up for the vampire laughing at him, just a bit. Once inside the apartment, he settled down in the chair he'd occupied before. He watched Spike follow Xander around the apartment like he was his shadow, only stopping once Xander sat down on the couch. Spike flopped down beside him, sprawling across the rest of the available space. Riley cleared his throat. "I'm kind of surprised that Anya isn't here waiting for you." Xander's gaze dropped to his hands. "Anya left," he said quietly. "She sort of freaked out after Joyce died. It was like she all of a sudden realized that being human meant dying. She said she couldn't stay in Sunnydale. Not even..." His voice trailed away into silence. "I couldn't leave. She did." Graham hated the pain he could hear in Xander's voice. He hated Anya for not being willing to stay with him. He hadn't like thinking about his crush being with someone else, but he liked knowing that Xander had been hurt even less. He noticed that Spike was glaring at Riley. Because his question upset Xander? Spike stood up abruptly. "I think it's time for you two to go." Graham wanted to object, but Xander's yawn made him reconsider. Xander did need to sleep. He rose to his feet. "Do you want our help tomorrow night?" Xander smiled gratefully at him. "It would make things a lot easier. Could you meet us back here around ten?" "Why not right after sunset?" Riley asked. "I've got something to take care of." Xander's voice sounded extremely casual, but the shadows that appeared in his eyes and Spike's sudden restlessness sent off warning bells in Graham's head. Whatever this something was, it couldn't be good. Riley stood up. "Then I guess we'll see you at ten." He moved toward the door, eliminating any chance Graham had for asking questions. He had no choice but to wish Xander good night and follow Riley to the door. He and Riley paused, waiting for Spike to join them. When the vampire gave no sign of leaving, Riley stopped Xander from closing the door behind them. "Isn't Spike leaving?" Xander shook his head. "Spike lives here, most of the time. He doesn't pay rent, but he's my roommate. A lot has changed since you left." Behind him, Spike stared directly at Graham, one eyebrow arched. Xander hesitated. "Have you seen Buffy yet?" "No. I can't." Riley shrugged helplessly. "I just can't." Xander reached out and touched Riley's shoulder briefly, his eyes full of commiseration and understanding. "I'll see you tomorrow." His gaze slid over to meet Graham's and then he disappeared behind the closing door. Graham fumed quietly as they headed back for the vehicle. He wasn't imagining things: the look that Spike had shot him had been a challenge. What was Xander thinking, letting a vampire stay with him? Sure, Spike was chipped, but he was clearly still up to something. "I don't like this at all," he said, climbing into the driver's seat. "What, that you don't get to stay with him?" "Besides that." Graham drove back toward base. "Did you notice that Spike was the one leading us to the vampires?" "While last night it was Xander who was doing the leading?" Riley nodded. "I caught that. I want to know how they know where to go. If it's through Spike's contacts, then why was Xander leading last night? I also caught on that whatever Xander's doing tomorrow, he doesn't want us to know about it. It's a good thing we'll be following him." "What about Spike?" Graham knew that it couldn't just be his imagination. "He's acting weird, isn't he?" "He's always rude, but you're right. He's staying too close to Xander." Riley stared blindly through the windshield. "If he can't get close to Buffy right now, he might be doing this as a way to stay on her good side. You know, protect her friend and win points with her that way." Graham didn't reply, but he didn't agree. He could understand that Riley was focused on Buffy but he believed that it was twisting his friend's perspective. Whatever Spike was up to, it was centered around Xander. The vampire had been Xander's deadly little guardian devil, always at his side, warding him from every threat. That sort of dedication went beyond trying to get on someone's good side: Spike had a vested interest in keeping Xander safe and keeping him close and Graham wanted to know what it was. Back at base, he and Riley reported immediately to Tyndal's office. Riley briefly laid out the events of the evening. He concluded his report by saying, "I believe that both Harris and Spike bear further scrutiny and they definitely deserve our continued cooperation. They are the only ones taking an active role against the descent of chaos." After Graham nodded his agreement, Tyndal considered Riley's words. "I'm going to keep the surveillance on both of them. I want you two to work with the surveillance teams, but your chief concern is to work with Harris and Spike and make sure the HSTs don't take over this town. I'll be expecting reports from you every evening." "Yes, sir." Graham saluted and followed Riley out of the office toward their quarters. He watched Riley strip down for bed. He couldn't do the same: he had too much restless energy inside him. He knew that he'd just end up staring at the ceiling and shifting continuously until Riley threatened to kill him. "I'm hitting the gym." Riley grunted his acknowledgement. Graham made his way to the gym and started doing laps around the empty track, setting a fast pace to burn off the nervousness that filled him. As he ran, he pictured Xander smiling a greeting at him, Xander reaching out to take his hand, Xander focused and determined in a fight, Xander working in a white undershirt and gleaming in the sun... There was no denying it; he had it bad. He knew it was only going to get worse, now that he was under orders to spend time with Xander. Maybe he'd be able to figure out what Spike was up to. No matter what Riley thought, Graham knew that the vampire's real focus was Xander. It didn't matter how much help Spike was being, or how sexy he looked in black: Graham wasn't going to sit there and let him get away with whatever he was planning for Xander. Not when Graham was there to stop him. Not when Graham had some plans for Xander himself. ***** "You know, maybe we should look into getting you involved in an anger management program." Spike glared up at Xander. "I can manage my anger just fine." He focused his attention back on the fledge lying helpless beneath him. He slammed its head down against the ground a few more times. "We do have somewhere to be." Xander leaned back against a tall headstone with his arms crossed over his chest. The reminder just made Spike growl and increase the force of his attack. When the fledge was unconscious and no longer begging for release, Spike staked it and stood up, brushing ash off his duster. "Feel better?" Xander's manner was joking, but the concern in his eyes was real. Spike ignored the question. "I thought you were in a hurry." Xander shook his head and started walking. "You don't sound like you feel better. Maybe you should try something else. Maybe you could join an encounter group or something so you can talk about your feelings with someone." Spike raised his hand in an obscene gesture behind Xander's back. Talk about his feelings? The only person he needed to talk to about his feelings was the person who was responsible for them. The person who made him feel so protective that he turned into a bodyguard, the person for whom he wished he could bleed and hurt, the person who made him want to go on existing even though he was neutered by the chip. The person who was taunting him with bleeding 'anger management therapy' and trying to distract him out of his bad mood. He didn't know how it happened, but then, he didn't expect to. It didn't do any good to sit around and try to understand love, and he knew better than to try to fight it: all he knew to do was accept it and give in to it and try to enjoy the ride as much as possible. He knew that he found Xander attractive: with his dark eyes and mobile mouth and delicious scent of fear and determination, he was hard to resist. It was getting to know Xander that had doomed him, though. Before, he could sit back and laugh at the other man's clumsiness in a fight or anxious nattering when with his friends. Now he'd seen Xander's stubborn refusal to ever give in or give up, heard him laugh for true and not for show, watched him half-kill himself to protect his friends and include Spike in that category. It hadn't taken long for Spike to realize that he was in trouble, that lust had deepened and transformed into love while he wasn't paying attention. Now he no longer imagined just tumbling Xander down to the ground and taking him; he wanted to make Xander laugh and gasp and beg him for more, to hold him before and after and know that Xander was his. Caught up in his thoughts, he was surprised by how quickly they reached the crypt they were seeking. He reached out and caught Xander's arm. "There are other ways we can do this." Xander shook his head. "No way is going to work better than this. I have to do this." Spike released him reluctantly. He hated this, but one of the things that drew him most to Xander was the dark-eyed man's refusal to stop just because something was difficult. He knew that he couldn't stop Xander from doing it, so he would do his best to not make it any harder than it had to be. "I'll be waiting, pet." Xander smiled at him and touched his shoulder comfortingly. "It won't take long," he said reassuringly before entering the crypt. Spike growled and kicked over a headstone. Xander was trying to comfort *him*. Him, when Xander was the one the Cynon had fixated on. Spike hated Cynons on general principles and hated this one even more for hurting Xander. Unrelated to vampires, Cynons fed off the emotional energy of their victims; the darker and more painful the emotion, the better the damn things liked it. He and Xander had encountered this one when they had just started to patrol in Buffy's place. Spike had wanted to kill it for its interest in Xander, but before he could, it had offered Xander a compromise: if Xander would allow the Cynon to feed from him, the Cynon would use its psychic abilities to keep him informed about demonic activity on the Hellmouth. Xander, being Xander, said yes. Spike moved closer to the crypt so he could see through the door. He hated watching this but he didn't want to leave Xander alone with the Cynon. He compromised by watching from outside. The minute the bastard made one move to go beyond its bargain, Spike would take its head off. The Cynon was circling Xander, skimming over the ground in that smooth gait peculiar to its species. In appearance, it was closer to human than most demons, with skin of palest blue and small horns in a darker shade ringing the top of its head. Its over-large eyes were fixed on the dark-haired man and its tongue skated over full lips. "What shall we do today?" it mused in a low voice. "Something that won't take too much time?" Xander suggested. Spike ground his fist into the stone of the crypt, focusing on the pain as a way to stop himself from walking in there and dragging Xander out. Xander knew what was coming and dreaded it, but he still found the will to mouth off a bit. It made Spike proud as hell, and made watching that much more difficult. "I think...loneliness. Yes. I think that will do nicely for tonight." The Cynon reached out its hand so that it hovered bare inches away from Xander's face. "Loneliness." It hummed quietly as it began to summon forth that emotion from Xander. Fine tremors ran through Xander's frame, growing stronger as each second passed. Face twisted in lines of pain, he stubbornly kept his eyes open, refusing to look away from the demon. As his shaking grew worse, tears began to stream down his face and still his eyes remained open and his gaze locked upon that of his tormentor. Not even the pain was enough distraction for Spike now. He stopped grinding his fist bloody and watched helplessly. Cynons worked by getting inside the minds of their victims and summoning up emotions on which to feed. Right now, Xander was reliving every moment of loneliness he'd ever experienced all at once, the pain of it magnified a thousendfold for the demon's pleasure. Spike knew loneliness, knew what a killing sensation it was and he hated that Xander had to go through this. He'd stand in for Xander if he could, but the Cynon had no interest in him. Only Xander. A noise distracted him from the interior of the crypt and he turned quickly, ready to take out his rage and frustration on whatever was foolish enough to sneak up behind him. He froze when he saw who it was: Riley and Graham. "What the hell are you doing here?" "I could ask you the same thing," Riley said. "Where's Xander?" demanded Graham. Spike fought to keep himself from slipping into gameface. Did Graham think Spike didn't know? Did Graham think Spike couldn't smell the attraction and interest on him whenever he looked at Xander? Spike knew what was going on: Graham wanted *his* Xander. "Xander's busy," he snarled. Graham moved as though to look in the crypt and Spike instantly countered him, blocking his view. What was going on inside was none of their business. He knew that Xander didn't want people to be looking in on him and watching him while he suffered. Even more, he knew that Xander didn't want the Initiative to find out about the Cynon. Not only was he nervous about what they could do to him, but he feared that they would take some action against the demon and destroy his valuable source of information. Spike might not be able to take Xander's place before the Cynon, but he could help make sure that nothing else happened to upset him. The soldier boys were staying outside the crypt. And Graham especially was staying away from *his* Xander. "He doesn't want your help in this," Spike said, standing firm. "He doesn't need it. It's none of your business." Graham shook his head. "Whatever you're hiding, it ends now. Move or be moved. I'm checking on Xander." Spike stepped forward, getting into the soldier's face. "No. It's not your concern." When Graham moved to side step him, Spike grabbed his arm. He knew it was foolish, knew that he couldn't do anything to stop Graham, not with the chip in his head. He still had to try, had to protect Xander in any way that he could. Graham countered by grabbing Spike's arm and trying to throw him off. Spike refused to be moved. Ignoring the first warning twinges from the chip, he shoved Graham backwards. He shook his head to clear it and set himself stubbornly in front of the blue-eyed man. "No." He watched Graham clench his jaw and prepared himself for a fight. It was going to hurt, but he was going to buy Xander as much time as possible. "Spike?" The shaky voice behind him drew his attention away from the confrontation. He turned and watched Xander exit the crypt, face pale and drawn in lines of pain. ***** Xander hurt. The inside of his head throbbed, protesting the Cynon's invasion of his mind. His eyes burned from the tears he had shed and his arms and legs were weak with reaction. He felt battered inside and out. When he stumbled outside, he just wanted to get away from the Cynon and reach the comfort of Spike's company. He called for the vampire as soon as he left the crypt. Spike was at his side in an instant. "Are you all right? How are you feeling?" He gently touched Xander's arm and guided him over to a low gravestone so he could sit. Xander raised his hands to his temples. "It hurts," he admitted quietly. "But it always hurts." His headache was intensified by the new information pressing in on his awareness: the locations of various demons, the plans they'd made, how long he had to find and kill them before they could hurt any innocents. He looked up at Spike, wanting to tell him what he'd learned and what they should do next. Before he could say anything, he caught sight of Riley and Graham staring at him. "What the hell are they doing here?" Spike pressed a few aspirin into his hand. "They just showed up. They wanted to interrupt, but didn't get the chance." "Are you all right?" Spike could've been hurt trying to stop them. Spike laughed. "You're asking me that when you're the...take your aspirin." Xander obediently dry-swallowed the pills, grimacing at the foul taste. "I don't know why I bother with these. They don't help." He knew he was going to have to deal with Graham and Riley's presence but he wasn't up to it. He needed a little while longer to recover first. "No?" Spike's fingers were cool against his forehead. "Not any more. I'm almost at the point where I'm willing to try...your alternative." At the last moment he remembered they had company and he censored himself. Spike seemed to dislike the pain and exhaustion that shook him every time he went to the Cynon. After a few encounters, Spike went so far as to offer Xander his blood. Not to turn him, though; apparently a vampire's blood held certainly healing qualities. Xander had refuse the offer when it was first made but he was almost willing to try it now. Spike's hand moved down to grip his shoulder hard. "Anything you want, pet. Anything." Xander thought the blue eyes staring down at him darkened and that Spike's voice sounded eager and almost...husky. He stared up at Spike for a moment before he realized how ridiculous his thoughts were. Spike was just offering to help him as a friend. Imagining that there was anything else behind the offer was foolish and dangerous and Xander already had enough of both going on in his life at the moment. He contented himself with smiling up at Spike. "Thank you." Spike squeezed his shoulder again, then shifted to stand beside him rather than in front. He still kept his hand on Xander's shoulder, though. Xander had an unobstructed view of Graham and Riley. "What are you doing here?" "That's what I want to ask you," Riley said. "What the hell happened to you? What's inside of there?" Xander stared at him steadily. How had they found him and Spike? They weren't supposed to meet them for another hour. "You were following me. You, or a surveillance team you've got targeting me." It was the only thing that made sense. It also explained why the soldiers hadn't been all that surprised to see Spike. "How long have I been under surveillance?" Riley hesitated, then sighed and gave in. "Under a week, I promise you. There's surveillance in your apartment and you've been followed to work. Beyond that, no one's been able to stick with you when you've gone out on patrol." Spike snarled. "You've been following us?" Xander laid his hand on Spike's stomach in a light restraining touch. "Standard procedure. What else would they do if the situation in dear old Sunnyhell went to shit?" He turned his attention to Riley and Graham. "I want it called off." "On one condition," Graham said. "What was going on in there? What hurt you?" "I've got one more condition, then," Xander countered. "I'll tell you, but I need your word that you won't interfere." "Fine!" Graham said. "What happened?" Xander chose his words carefully. He really didn't want to explain the whole thing to them. "I've got an arrangement with a demon. He gives me information about the other demons in town in exchange for the privilege of scaring the hell out of me. It's not a big deal." "You look like you've been through hell," Graham objected. "We've got trained surveillance teams at our disposal. You don't have to do this." "Did your surveillance teams know that a pair of Fritandor demons are planning on making their home beneath the Second Street nursery school? Easy access to snacks for the young ones that are on the way." Xander shook his head. "Your surveillance isn't going to cut it. I need him. We need him if we're going to have a chance." "I don't like it." "Neither do I. Neither does Spike. That doesn't change the fact that it's our best bet for keeping people alive. Are you going to stay out of this?" "Yes," Graham agreed. "And pull the surveillance from us," Spike insisted. "All of it." "So long as you don't resist us patrolling with you, that shouldn't be a problem," Riley said. "We need to keep open communication." "Fine." Xander didn't like the creepy feeling of knowing that he'd been monitored for the past few days without his knowledge. He understood why it had been done, but he was glad to know that it was over. "Now that we've got that settled, I guess we should get moving." "Are you sure you're all right?" Spike asked. "I'm as good as I'm going to get tonight. I think we should tackle the Fritandors tonight. I don't want them to establish themselves and then have to dig them out later." He rose carefully to his feet, aware of Spike hovering over him, ready to offer him aid if he needed it. He smiled briefly at the blond man and stretched painfully. "Let's go." As they walked, Spike stayed close to him, watching him carefully. Xander knew the first time that he showed an overt amount of pain or weariness the vampire would insist on taking him home. Xander figured it was a leftover from Spike's time spent with Drusilla: the blond man had definite tendencies to be a mother hen. It messed with Xander's head, making him think that Spike cared more than he really did, making him think that he was special to Spike instead of realizing that it was just the way Spike was. Thanks to the information in his head, finding the Fritandors was easy. Getting a chance to fight them wasn't. He was willing to take his chances and try to take them down, but he never even got close. Spike charged into the fray immediately and took out the male of the pair before the demons even knew they were in trouble. Xander moved to take on the female but Graham got there first. Between the blue-eyed solder and Spike, Xander and Riley never had an opportunity to try to land a blow. The other two men dispatched the enraged demon in a matter of minutes. Xander and Riley exchanged irritated glances, although Xander thought he saw amusement in Riley's gaze as well. When Spike and Graham fell back to join them, Xander asked, "There's a few fledges who are aspiring to try to rise above the level of minions not far from here. We could go take care of them." His last words were distorted by a yawn. Spike shook his head. "No more tonight. You need to rest." Before Xander could object, Graham agreed with Spike. "If you've got to work tomorrow, you're going to need to sleep." Finding no support when he looked at Riley, Xander gave in. "Fine. You two can use the extra time tonight removing all the bugs from my apartment." He frowned. "Are you watching anyone else?" Riley answered quickly. "Not any more. All teams will be called off tonight." Xander nodded. "Good." Walking back to his apartment was an interesting experience. Spike and Graham both walked close to him. Xander knew what was going on, of course. Spike might not say anything, but he had to be nervous being so close to members of the Initiative. He was staying close to Xander because they were less likely to make a move on him in front of a witness. No doubt Graham was worried about a vampire being so close to a human, so he was staying close to Xander to make sure that Spike didn't try anything. Not that Xander had to accept reality. As they walked, he allowed himself to build a little fantasy: Spike and Graham were both attracted to him - better yet, they were in love with him. They were walking close to him because they couldn't bear to be too far from him. It was silly and impossible, but it helped to pass the time as they walked home. Smiling quietly to himself, he allowed himself to pretend for a little while that he had someone to love and, best of all, that he was loved in return. ***** Graham caught Riley's eye and nodded quickly. Riley winked to signal that he understood and Graham tensed his muscles, ready to put their plan into action. The past few days had been killing him. Spending a few hours every night in Xander's company had sealed his fate: he was now in love with the other man. The way Xander smiled at him, the way he never complained even though he was obviously tired or hurting, the way he listened to everyone speak and was guided by them in making decisions, the way his pants clung in all the right places when he hunkered down to watch their prey...it all combined to cause him to fall helplessly for Xander. He was incredibly grateful to have been ordered to work with Xander because there was no other way that he would have been able to get to know the other man. He was finally able to see beyond the always-cheerful surface and see the dedicated, determined man hidden beneath. He was in love with Xander. Now if only Spike would get the hell out of the way so Graham could *do* something about it. The damn vampire was always there, always standing between Graham and Xander so that Graham couldn't say anything to the dark-haired man without Spike being a part of the conversation. If he hadn't been so hung up on Xander, Graham might have decided to make a play for Spike and turn the vampire's presence to his own advantage. Spike was handsome, no denying it; and the way he moved and talked pretty much screamed sex. Graham hadn't been immune to the attraction when Spike had been captured months ago and he wasn't immune now. This time around, though, his heart was involved and that changed everything. He could still feel the pull of Spike, but it was Xander that captivated him. That was the reason he had convinced Riley to help him. Not only could he count on Riley's help because he was a good friend, but also because it was sure to irritate Spike. Riley still hadn't forgiven Spike for giving him hell about his relationship with Buffy. Graham was inclined to think it was a head game Spike had played with Buffy and Riley both; if he really wanted her, wouldn't he be hanging around her now? He wasn't going to argue with his friend, though, not when Riley was about to run interference for him. Acting on Graham's signal, Riley picked an argument with Spike. "Are you sure you know how to handle these demons? I ran into something like them with the Initiative and we did something different." "Pissed yourselves and ran screaming for mommy?" Spike suggested snidely. The argument was off and running. Riley held Spike's attention by first challenging his knowledge and then just by bickering with him. Not wasting the chance given to him, Graham quickly moved to take Spike's place at Xander's side. He smiled at the dark-haired man. "Hey." Xander smiled at him. "Hey." Graham felt like an idiot. Here was his one chance and he had no idea what to say without coming off as an idiot or overly creepy. 'Hey, I'm in love with you'? 'I know we've just met but would you like to stay with me tonight, stay with me every night'? He'd just send Xander fleeing in justified terror. He glanced over at Riley and Spike. "They sound like an old married couple." Xander rewarded him with a grin. "God, you're right. Just don't tell them that." Graham felt better. At least he'd made him laugh. "So are these Glidernts the usual demon? Slavering for human blood and all that?" "All that and ugly. Ugly by even Hellmouth standards." Xander shuddered. "I noticed that," Graham said. "I never got to see anything attractive when I was stationed here." Now or never. "Not until the past few days, that is." He held Xander's gaze. Xander stared at him for a moment as the meaning of Graham's comment sank in. Color rose up in his cheeks, but he didn't look away. "I've, uh, noticed that the quality of the nightlife has gone up myself." His voice was a little shaky, but a hesitant smile that played at the corners of his mouth. Xander was flirting back! Graham managed to resist the urge to do a victory dance. He smiled and scooted closer Xander. "Would you like to try exploring some of the new nightlife?" He winced. He always ended up sounding cheesy when he tried to be coy. The color deepened on Xander's face, but he held Graham's gaze. "I haven't gotten a chance to do much exploring lately," he said. His expression became a little naughty. "And most of my interaction with the local nightlife involves pointy objects." Graham laughed. "Ain't nothing wrong with pointy objects." He sobered a little as he said earnestly, "We could start exploring with something small. A movie theater maybe? Or a restaurant." Xander grinned at him. "I think that could be a lot of fun." "What could be a lot of fun?" Spike's voice was loud in Graham's ear. Graham swore and took a few steps back, thoroughly startled by the abrupt interruption. Spike took advantage of his startlement and eeled his way back to stand beside Xander. Graham glared mutinously at Spike and refused to answer. "Hurrying up and taking care of these demons so I can sleep. If we finish quickly I'll be able to sleep for six hours! That sounds like fun to me." As he spoke, Xander glanced over at Graham and the blush stayed on his cheeks. Graham grinned at him. Xander was willing to keep their date a secret and he was looking forward to it. He caught Riley's gaze and shot him a surreptitious thumbs up. Riley grinned, sharing in his triumph. As they neared the place that Xander had identified as the demons' location, Graham calmed down and focused on the fight that was coming up. All of them readied themselves, pulling out weapons they'd brought with them. The building the Glidernts were hiding in was little more than a one room shack and Graham didn't like the idea of being hemmed in so closely with the demons. "Maybe we could lure them out?" "With what?" Riley asked. "Tell them that we're the take-out they ordered?" "No way," Spike muttered. "Glidernts have taste." Graham and Riley both turned on the vampire, but Xander was there in between them. "Let's focus on getting the bad guys before we turn on each other, all right?" He looked at Spike. "Do you speak their language?" "Not much," Spike admitted. "Enough to say something about their mothers?" "I could imply that they have mothers. That should be enough to bring them out here." Spike looked toward the shack and yelled in a language that was mostly gargling. The response was immediate. Two demons came crawling out of the shack, shrieking at them in the same gargling language. They scuttled forward on four legs, waving another pair in the air as they charged the men facing them. Graham hoped his face wasn't twisted up as much as he thought it was. Ick-face wasn't especially an attractive look for him, but those things were *nasty*. He blasted away with his zap gun without hesitation, not wanting the damn things to get to close. After a few rounds, he noticed something. "Shooting them only pisses them off!" Spike sneered at him. "Guess I'll have to take care of things the old-fashioned way, then." He pulled a long knife out of his boot and gargled out a few more insults. Graham pulled out his own knife and moved to help Spike. He knew Riley could take care of himself; his friend was slicing away at the second demon with a definite look of disgust on his face. Ignoring Spike's snarls, he helped the vampire stab the Glidernt, learning its weak spot by trial and error. Just as it fell lifeless to the ground, Graham heard Riley's shout for help. He turned and watched as the second Glidernt caught Riley with its front legs and heaved him into the air. Xander abandoned his own efforts at slicing and dicing and tried to help Riley, only to be knocked down hard to the ground when Riley fell against him. Graham wasn't quite sure how he crossed the distance to reach the second demon; one moment he was standing over the dead body of its pal and the next he was stabbing it vengefully, one thrust for Riley and the next few for Xander because no one hurt Xander while he was around. He was vaguely aware of Spike at his side, spewing curses and tearing the creature apart with his own blade. The Glidernt soon collapsed in a lifeless heap. Graham took a few steps back, panting a little from the exertion. "Damn." Riley stared at the ruined pile of flesh. "Damn." Maybe he went a little overboard with the killing. Then he looked at Xander, who was rubbing the back of his head with an expression of pain and changed his mind. He wanted to kill the demon all over again. He moved toward Xander, but Spike beat him to his side. Graham managed to ask his question first, though. "Are you all right? Are you hurt anywhere?" "Riley's no light-weight," Xander admitted, letting Spike help him to his feet. "But I think I'm OK. I bumped my head a little." He stared in horrified fascination at the dead Glidernt. "Wow. Did it yell something back about your mothers?" Graham kept quiet and ignored Riley's too-mild expression. He was going to hear about this later, he knew it. All his protective instincts were over-active where Xander was concerned and Riley wasn't going to pass up the chance to tease him over it. Spike seemed to want to ignore the question as well. "Let's get you home, eh?" "You'll be able to sleep," Graham added. The way Xander looked at him with a hidden smile told him that Xander hadn't forgotten their earlier flirtation. The flicker of warmth inside him grew. He fell into step behind Xander, keeping Riley quiet through judicious use of death glares. The teasing was going to have to wait until they were alone. He didn't want to take any chances. Xander invited him and Riley up to the apartment to wind down and have something to drink. Graham accepted immediately, but Riley came along willingly. Graham knew Riley was getting to like Xander more; by spending time with him without Buffy being a factor, Riley was becoming Xander's friend, instead of just being his friend's boyfriend. Plus, it pissed Spike off every time they came up. When they were all sitting down and supplied with something to drink, Xander looked over at Riley. "Um, have you seen Buffy at all yet?" The smile faded from Riley's face. "No." "You should, man. You two need to talk. There was too much going on when you left, too many distractions that you couldn't get past then but I think now you might have a chance." Riley stared down into his glass. "I want to think that, Xander. I do. I just can't talk to her. I'm not ready yet and I'm...I'm under orders." Xander nodded in immediate understanding. "That sucks. Just think about it, ok?" Riley nodded. When Spike stood abruptly, Graham braced himself for a scathing comment that would compel him to help Riley kick the vampire's ass. Spike surprised him, though. Instead of attacking Riley's relationship with Buffy, he looked at Xander. "I've got to make a blood run. I'll be back in a few." He walked out without any further explanation. Graham couldn't believe it. Not only had Spike ignored a chance to make Riley crazy, he was also leaving Xander alone with them! He watched as Spike left, then shared a confused look with Riley. What the hell was going on? Never one to waste an opportunity, Graham got up and moved to sit beside Xander on the couch. He noticed that Xander looked a little confused as he stared at the door. "Are you all right?" Xander looked at him. "I'm fine," he said quickly. He blinked again and seemed to realize that Graham was sitting beside him for the first time. A small smile touched his lips. "I'm fine," he said in a more normal tone. "And how's your head?" "Hurts," Xander admitted. "And having all two hundred pounds of Riley land on top of me didn't help matters." "Hey!" Riley objected. "That remark is going to cost you a beer." He got up and headed for the kitchen. Graham vowed to put up with Riley's teasing later without complaint. His friend was trying to give him some privacy. He shifted so he facing Xander. "Have you given any more thought to joining me on an expedition?" Hey, it might be cheesy but it seemed to work with Xander. Xander nodded. "I think that I'd like that a lot. Of course, to cut down on Hellmouthy interference, it might be a good idea to try doing something in the daytime first." Graham's mind immediately flashed to Xander working on the construction site, arms flexing as he positioned each piece of wood before cutting it down to the right size. "Daylight can be good," he agreed quickly. "Anything in particular you'd like to do?" "Hey, this is your expedition," Xander said, laughing. "Just so long as it's not a fun-filled tour of Sunnydale's purveyors of junk food, anything will be good." "What?" Xander blushed a little. "I used to see you at my jobs a lot," he explained. "I figure you must be a fan of the fried variety of cuisine." It was Graham's turn to flush. Now or never; holding back wasn't going to gain him anything. "It wasn't the junk food," he admitted. "It was the cute guy behind the counter serving the junk food." Xander stared at him, shaking his head a little. "It's true," Graham said. "I'm really not that big a fan of the hot dog. I'm just a fan of you." He held his breath, hoping that Xander wouldn't decide he was a stalker and make a run for it. Lips parted, Xander laughed quietly. "I used to pretend that," he said quietly. "You know, that you'd come to see me." The blush was back on his cheeks. Graham couldn't resist, not with Xander blushing and looking at him with honesty and nervousness and the flickering beginnings of heat. He leaned forward, moving slowly so Xander would have every chance to stop him. Meeting with no resistance, he gently pressed his lips to Xander's. The barest brush of mouth on mouth and he leaned back, checking Xander's reaction. Brown eyes slowly drifted open and Xander licked his lips before moving to repeat the kiss. Soft lips on his own and Graham was lost, leaning against Xander and reveling in the warmth of his skin and the scent of him, so close and finally there to be touched. He sat back after a few more moments, not wanting to push Xander. Xander smiled up at him. "Wow." Wow? He rated a wow? Not that he disagreed. The kiss had seriously short-circuited his vocabulary, but he thought wow pretty much summed it up. "Wow is good. I can take wow. Does wow mean that you'll be going out with me?" "I've got a few weeks of half-days coming up soon. I think I could fit you into my busy social calendar." Xander sat back a little as Riley came back into the room. Graham decided to let up as well. There was no telling when Spike was going to return, either, and he wasn't looking forward to a fight. He knew there would be; the vampire was too protective of Xander to ever let anything like this go. Maybe once Graham got a little closer to Xander he'd be able to figure out what kind of hold Spike was trying to gain over Xander and then he could protect Xander from him. He reached out and touched Xander's arm. "Do you want anything more to drink?" "Another Coke would be good. It might help with my head." Xander moved to get up. Graham beat him to it. "Let me." He had to get out of the room for a moment before Xander or Riley caught sight of the lunatic grin he could feel stretching across his features. He couldn't help it. He'd kissed Xander. Xander had kissed *him*! It was grin like an idiot or do a touchdown shuffle, and the grin was easier to hide. As he pulled another can out of the fridge for Xander, he steadfastly ignored the bags of blood. He could pretend that he'd never seen them just fine, thank you. He turned around to head back for the living room just as the door to the apartment opened and Spike walked in carrying a cooler. Spike set the cooler down on the counter. "You still here?" He spoke generally, but his eyes were on Graham. "Past your bedtimes, isn't it?" Graham wanted to argue with him, but he knew Xander was tired and hurting. He didn't want to start a fight that would ruin the happy little buzz he was feeling, either. He glared at Spike. "I guess we'll be seeing you tomorrow, then." "Guess you will." Ignoring Spike's matching glare, he walked past the vampire into the living room. He handed the Coke to the dark-haired man. "See you tomorrow," he said, his smile under control but still huge. Xander grinned back up at him with hidden warmth in his gaze. "Definitely. And thank you." He took the soda, fingers lingering as they brushed over Graham's. "Good night." Yes, it certainly had been. "Good night." He didn't bother to look at Spike as he and Riley left. He did keep an eye on Riley, though, timing how long his friend would be able to keep his peace. Riley managed to hold it in down the stairs, out onto the street, and even into the vehicle. Graham made sure to take the driver's seat; he didn't want Riley be distracted while driving. Riley made it until they were about a mile down the road before erupting into laughter. Graham waited for him to get it all out, not wanting to interrupt and make it last any longer than it had too. Finally, Riley got a hold of himself, although laughter still rumbled up out of him every so often. "I thought dating Buffy was bad. I never had to use tactical maneuvers just to talk to her!" Graham grinned. "But they worked! Thanks, man. I owe you." "You owe me big time, if what I heard from the kitchen is any indication." "What did you hear?" Graham demanded. "Nothing." Riley winked at him. "That's what makes me think it went well." Graham stared resolutely out the windshield for a few moments before he couldn't hold it in anymore. "I kissed him," he said. "I kissed him and he said he'd go out with me." He had to say it out loud and make it real. Riley laughed. When Graham glared, he held his hands up defensively. "Hey, I'm glad it's working out for you. Congratulations on finally being able to do more than just stalk your crush." Reminding himself that without Riley's help he never would have been able to talk to Xander at all, Graham decided to forgive Riley for laughing. "It's not a crush anymore," he admitted. Riley sobered immediately. "It's serious?" "Yeah. I didn't know him before." Now he did, and it was all over. He knew Riley would understand - the same thing had happened to Riley when he finally gotten to know Buffy. He went from liking her to loving her powerfully. Graham had fallen into the same trap; now that he knew Xander, he wasn't going to be able to walk away from him. "But now I do, and I'm going to get to know him better." Riley just sat there and smiled at him. "You do have it bad." "It's only going to get worse," Graham warned. He was going to take Xander out and give him the chance to fall as hard as he himself had. He was going to earn Xander's trust and his love. He was also going to figure out what Spike wanted with Xander. He knew that look Spike had given him was a challenge. He wasn't going to let Xander be hurt in one of the vampire's schemes. He winced a little as his thoughts wandered as he considered the vampire. He couldn't think about Spike without picturing him in his mind, and he couldn't do that without feeling the lingering traces of lust. He'd noticed Spike when he was imprisoned within the Initiative and had stared at his image on video monitors and through the shatter-resistant plastic shield that sealed his cell. Even exhausted and desperate, Spike had moved with an innately sexual grace that had drawn Graham in despite knowing what Spike was. Graham couldn't quite trust himself when it came to Spike, not with lust clouding his judgement about the other man. The best he could do was focus on his love for Xander and trust in that to help him keep to the right course. His thoughts back on Xander, Graham settled himself down for the ride back to base. He'd have to endure Riley's teasing and a quick debriefing, but then he'd have the rest of the night to remember what it felt like to hold Xander and finally know his kiss. ***** Spike stared resolutely down at the stove top, concentrating on the blood he was warming. He was hungry and he needed to eat. As long he stayed focussed on those two facts he wouldn't lose control. He just needed to get something to eat. He didn't need to think about what he'd smelled when he'd walked into the apartment. He'd needed blood, yes, but he'd also wanted to check and make sure that the bugs had been removed from the apartment. He had checked with the demons he'd intimidated into watching the apartment and received confirmation that no strange men or cars had been seen hanging about. He hadn't wanted to leave Xander alone, but he hadn't thought anything could happen in the short time he was gone. No. He wasn't thinking about that. Not until he'd had something to eat. He heated the blood just long enough for it to be lukewarm and then bolted it. As the blood filled him with borrowed life, he washed his dishes and put them away, giving himself time to calm down and move past the hunger that had been distracting him. It was more difficult to keep the urges toward blood and violence under control when he hadn't eaten. The kitchen clean, he couldn't put it off any longer. He walked into the living room, eyes fixed on Xander. The dark-haired man sat on the couch, drinking the soda that Graham had given him before leaving. The scents surrounding him had faded, but Spike could still catch their echoes: arousal and nervousness, excitement and pleasure. Something had happened while he was gone, something between Xander and Graham. It wasn't just Graham, either; for the first time since Anya had left, Spike could smell Xander's desire. Graham had made some kind of move on Xander, one that Xander had liked. Graham had touched Spike's Xander. Spike made a mental note to have the soldier killed as soon as possible. He wasn't looking forward to this conversation. He knew Xander wasn't going to want to talk about it, but he wasn't just going to let him go without a fight. He loved Xander and he needed to let him know that. He sat down on the couch beside Xander, wonder what the hell he was going to say. With Dru he hadn't really needed words, and Harmony would fall for any quick line of bullshit he threw at her. Playing with the Slayer had taken planning, but he hadn't meant anything by it. It was a game, one he didn't want to lose, but a game all the same. This was no game. Love was many things, but it definitely wasn't a game. He looked into Xander's eyes, hoping the words would come. What he saw distracted him completely. Xander's face was marked with lines of pain, his eyes half-shut as he slowly turned his head to look at Spike. "Are you still hurting?" Spike asked, worry for Xander sweeping away everything else. Xander nodded carefully. "It never really went away, but knocking my head on the ground didn't help any." Spike added Riley to his kill list. "Do you want me to fetch you some more aspirin?" "I'm already over the limit for today," Xander admitted. "I don't want to push my luck by taking any more." Knowing that he'd probably be refused, Spike still had to make the offer. "Any time you want to try something better than aspirin, you let me know." Xander was quiet for several moments. He drew in a long breath. "I think I'm going to have to take you up on that," he said quietly. Spike licked his lips. "Are you sure?" "Yeah. Nothing else is going to help and if I don't get rid of this pain I'm not going to be able to concentrate on anything else. I've still got a list of bad guys in my head and I can't just sit this out." Well, actually he could and Spike would prefer it if he did. He didn't like seeing Xander risk his life, but he knew better than to try to keep him out of things. "All right." He moved closer to Xander, sitting half-turned so he could face him. He waited until Xander turned to face him, then tried out a reassuring smile. "Where do you want to do this?" Xander blinked, looking a little bemused. "Right here on the couch." Spike grinned. "I didn't mean that. Of course on the couch. Where do you want me to cut myself so you can drink?" Licking his lips, Xander shook his head. "I don't know. Wherever is easiest for you, I guess. Somewhere that it won't hurt you." Resisting the urge to turn to mush, Spike shrugged out of his duster and rolled up one of his sleeves. "I think the wrist will work best," he murmured, pulling out one of his knives. He'd prefer giving Xander his blood in several different ways, but this way was the least likely to frighten him off. Knowing the other man's gaze was pinned on him, he carefully cut a short line across his wrist, slicing deep to guarantee blood flow. He raised his wrist, extending his hand toward Xander. Xander's hand shook a little as he reached out to support Spike's wrist. He glanced up to meet Spike's gaze. At Spike's encouraging nod, he bent his head and pressed his mouth to the bleeding wound. Spike pressed his lips tightly together to stifle the pleased moan that threaten to break free. Soft lips feathered gently over his skin, parting to draw in the crimson rivulets. A pause as Xander grew accustomed to what he was doing, and then his lips were pressed tighter against Spike's skin as he sucked at the wound. Spike shifted minutely, desire rising in him at the sensation. He knew that Xander wouldn't be able to take enough blood to hurt himself; he'd crafted the wound carefully, knowing that it would close before Xander drank too much. He felt his skin begin to knit and got ready to withdraw his wrist. Xander evidently realized that the cut was healing because he stopped sucking at it. A warm tongue swept across Spike's skin in soothing, cleansing strokes, then Xander sat back, letting go of Spike's arm. Spike controlled his reactions carefully, making sure to nonchalantly roll his sleeve back down. He didn't want to make a big deal out of this and freak Xander out. He didn't want this to be the last time Xander let him offer this. It only took one look at Xander to send all that control went out the window. Xander's eyes were wide and wondering and his cheeks were flushed. He stared at Spike with parted lips, a small smear of blood at the corner of his mouth. Before Spike realized that he wanted to, he was already doing it: he leaned forward and licked away the smear, erasing it with a few delicate laps of his tongue. He leaned back a little and searched Xander's face. The other man still looked wondering, but there was no scent of fear on him. Not wanting to push Xander too hard but unable to resist, he moved even closer to Xander, sliding his arm around Xander's waist to pull the dark-eyed man to him. Construction-nurtured hardness filled Spike's arms, wonderfully solid to touch. He pressed his lips to Xander's in a gentle kiss, once, twice, and then again in a longer caress. He swept his tongue out across Xander's lower lip, begging for entrance. He could taste Xander and blood and he wanted more. With a muffled sound of need Xander acquiesced, parting his lips and inviting Spike inside. Spike pulled Xander even closer, eagerly tasting his mouth for the first time. The essence of Xander was stronger, as was the lingering taste of blood. His senses were filled with warmth and life and Xander and blood...and something else. Spike probed more intently, not wanting the kiss to end. That element of something else intruded on his awareness, reminding him not of a taste, but instead of a scent... With a growl, he pulled away from the kiss. "Graham." He was tasting Graham. Xander flinched away, pulling out of his embrace to huddle in on himself on the other end of the couch. He wrapped his arms around himself and stared at the floor, his breath shaky, shuddering. Spike shoved down the possessive anger that was threatening to take over. He didn't want to scare Xander. It wasn't Xander's fault that Graham had kissed him. It was Spike's fault for not killing the soldier as soon as he realized where he interests lay. He could deal with Graham later. Right then he had to fix the mistake he'd made. He scooted closer to Xander and reached out to him once more. The dark-haired man resisted, but Spike murmured reassurances and with insistent pressure drew Xander back into his embrace. He raised a hand to brush an unruly lock of hair off Xander's brow. "How's your head?" he asked quietly. "Better," Xander said, eyes widening as he realized it. "The pain's gone." He started to grin, then the pleasure of the relief was gone as he remembered what had just happened. "Spike, I'm sorry. I-" Spike stroked his fingers through Xander's hair, quieting him with the slow repetition. "You don't have anything to apologize for, luv. You didn't do anything wrong." After all, Xander hadn't known he belonged to Spike. Graham on the other hand...but that was something to think about later. Right now he had to get Xander calmed down. He could see the first hints of fear in his brown eyes and knew he was the one who put it there. It wasn't Xander's fault two men were throwing themselves at him. It was Graham's fault. Pushing his jealousy aside once more, Spike smiled at Xander. "It's not your fault I couldn't help myself any longer and had to kiss you, now is it?" "I didn't do anything," Xander agreed slowly. "And I don't understand the sudden urge to kiss me." "Not sudden, really. I've wanted to for a while and I didn't want to wait anymore." He hoped he wasn't going to sound like too much of an idiot. "I don't want to push you into anything. I just wanted you to know I'm here. All right?" Xander nodded. "I think so." The fear was gone from his eyes, but he still looked bemused. Spike moved in slowly, making his intentions blatantly obvious and giving Xander plenty of time to protest. When Xander relaxed a little bit more into his arms, Spike took it as permission and once again claimed Xander's mouth in a kiss. Xander's hesitant cooperation this time sent a shiver of delight through him as a warm tongue curled around his own. He explored the dark-haired man's mouth leisurely, making sure that not only was Xander breathless by the time he finished, but also that every trace of Graham had been eradicated. Barely satisfied, he pressed a kiss to the corner of Xander's mouth and another just in front of his ear. Still holding Xander's warmth close, he quietly asked, "Isn't it about time you headed to bed?" Xander's heart rate sped up immediately and he tensed in Spike's arms. "Um," he said in a nervous tone. "Um, I..." "Alone," Spike said with a smile. "Go to bed and sleep, luv. I'll talk to you tomorrow." He didn't want to do it, but he released Xander and sat back. Xander stood up slowly. "So, um, goodnight?" "Night, Xander." Spike watched as Xander disappeared into his bedroom. He wasn't going to make any declarations of love. He'd confused Xander enough for one night without dropping something like that on him. He stayed on the couch and closed his eyes, reliving the experience: the way it had felt to feel Xander's body against his own, the sweetness of his taste and his participation. When there had been no sound of movement from Xander's room for almost an hour, Spike rose up from the couch and walked over, silently opening the door and slipping inside. He stood beside the bed and stared down at the sleeping man, watching the way his chest rose and feel slowly, envying the pillow that he cradled in one arm. He was acting like a pathetic sap, but he accepted it. He'd long ago recognized that he was Love's Bitch and he never claimed Love was a gentle master. He had fallen hard for Xander and if turning soft in some ways was the price he had to pay for being in love, then so be it. He backed out of the room slowly, reluctant to leave but unwilling to disturb Xander. He considered going back out on the streets for the rest of the night, but decided to stay in and watch television instead. He half-way convinced himself that he was doing it because he wanted to and not out of an insane urge to protect Xander. As he flipped from one infomercial to the next, he grew less and less able to ignore something that was disturbing him. His first reaction to finding out that Graham had kissed Xander was rage. He was fine with that; he was accustomed to jealous anger. His second reaction, though, was curiosity mixed with greed. He hadn't wanted there to be anything of Graham's presence left on Xander, but he'd wanted to experience that presence for himself and as he'd tried to remove it he'd found himself wanting more. That wasn't right. He hated Graham for trying to take his Xander. He was willing to admit that he found the soldier attractive. He'd caught sight of Graham while imprisoned by the Initiative and remembered him because of his strong, handsome features and muscular physique. Hell, Graham had played the starring role in Spike's 'masturbate for the camera' bid to relieve boredom while waiting for a chance to escape. Just because he thought the Xander-stealing bastard was attractive was no reason for him to be greedy for another taste. There was no reason for him to want to know what pure Graham tasted like, either. Disturbed by the speculations he couldn't stop his brain from mulling over, Spike tried to go on watching television. He stared steadily at the screen, but he was distracted by the memory of measuring blue eyes and a muscled body in uniform. ***** "Shit!" Xander juggled the boards in his hands in a frantic effort to avoid dropping them. He managed to get them back under control, but by the time he did his heart was racing from reaction. He carried them over to where they were supposed to be and carefully laid them down. Arms empty, he sank down into a crouch, head in his hands. Dropping the boards wouldn't have been a big deal, but what if he'd been carrying tools? What if he'd been operating a saw when he'd lost focus like that? He had to focus, had to keep his mind on his work. He couldn't think about the information rattling around inside his head, telling him about the horrors hidden in Sunnydale's corners. He couldn't think about how long it had been since he'd had more than an hour to sit down and relax. He couldn't think about how much he missed Willow, or how worried he was about Dawn. He couldn't think about the fact that last night, Graham and Spike had both kissed him. With a groan, he shoved himself back to his feet. He could think about all of this later. He could turn into Angel and have himself a full-on brood-fest, but for right now he had to focus on his job. He couldn't afford to lose it, and he didn't want to lose a finger or become a danger to the guys he worked with. At least his head didn't hurt anymore so he didn't have to work through the headache. That thought brought him back to the events of last night. He'd actually drunk Spike's blood...and liked it! He'd expected to have to force himself to swallow, but it hadn't been anything like he'd expected. He didn't know how to describe the taste: dark and rich and powerful. Seductive, even. And then after he'd finished, Spike had stared at him with blue eyes that had become darker and darker until the blond man had leaned forward and kissed him. "And we're back...in the car...again," Xander muttered. No matter how hard he tried, he wasn't able to get away from the memories of last night and they were going to make him crazy. Taking a deep breath, Xander picked up one of the boards and moved it to the saw horse. He was going to do his job and worry about this later. He focused intently on the process of sawing, not allowing his attention to wander for a second. Sure, it was avoidance and he'd just end up having to deal with everything later, but at least he'd cut down on his chances of giving himself an accidental amputation. He was so intent on the task he'd set for himself that the hand that landed on his shoulder came as a complete surprise. He managed to both retain his grip on the saw and not scream like a girl. He turned off the tool and turned to face the person who'd scared him. "Hey, boss," he greeted Josh, the foreman. "What's up?" "Harris, go on ahead and take the rest of the day off." The broad-shouldered man gestured toward where Xander's car was. Stomach twisting in a cold knot, Xander took off his safety goggles. "Did I do something wrong?" he asked. He didn't want to lose this job - he loved learning to shape the wood and create buildings and furniture with his own hands. "No." The foreman laughed. "I didn't mean to scare you. You're not in trouble. You've been doing outstanding work on this job. You're turning into a damn fine craftsman, Harris." "Then why do you want me to go? I'd rather stay." He needed the money. Making the rent wasn't hard, but missing a few days' pay would make everything a little tight and he didn't need to add that to his plate. Josh's face turned serious. "Listen, I know what you've been doing. You're friends told me." Who told him what? That he was out most nights killing demons? That he still kept a stuffed Snoopy toy in his bedroom? That he'd kissed two guys last night and liked it? "I know you've been working your friend's night job while she takes care of her sick sister. You've been working two jobs and still do a great job at this one. Take the rest of the week off and rest up. Come back Monday when we start the half-days during inspection." He didn't give Xander a chance to object. "You'll still get paid. Remember when you noticed that flawed load of rebar? If we'd used it we'd be having to replace it right now and the repairs would set us back months. I was going to surprise you at the end of the job, but I'll tell you now: you've got a bonus coming to you. Look at the days off as just a part of it, ok?" Xander stared at him, then nodded. "If you're sure." "Get out of here." Josh clapped him on the shoulder. "I'll see you Monday." A little dazed, Xander finished up the board he was working on and packed up his tools. He could go home and sleep. Most likely, he'd go home and do his best Angel impersonation. As he headed for the parking lot, he stopped dead as a thought occurred to him. What friends had gone and talked to Josh? He exhaled hard in irritation. He wasn't thinking straight at all. He was tired, confused, and he was still feeling the strain of the Cynon's influence. His headache was gone, but he could still feel the lingering traces of the crushing loneliness that the demon had drawn out of him. Each emotion that the Cynon fed off of was staying with him longer and longer, and it was more difficult to shake them off. When the demon had demanded humiliation from him, he'd blushed miserably for days after every time he'd passed a place where he'd been embarrassed. That had faded fairly quickly compared to how long the loneliness was lingering, and how strongly. He still felt the edges of it, cut-off and alone even when he was talking and laughing with other people. He headed for his car at a slower place, trying to figure out who would've talked to his boss. Would Spike have made a call? He got his answer when he saw who was standing next to his car. "Graham! Hey, Riley. What are you doing here?" "Breaking you out," Graham answered with a grin. "I really appreciate it, but why?" Xander opened up his trunk and put his tools away. "You look tired," Graham said. "I thought you could use some time off." "Is that what your commanding officer told you to do? Make sure that Harris kid got some time off?" He grinned at Graham, loving the way the other man grinned right back in the face of his teasing. "Yep. We're under orders." Riley laughed. "He's almost telling the truth. We told our CO that you're the one responsible for the stability here in Sunnydale. We're under orders to support you and make sure the stability continues. If that means making sure you get enough sleep, then hey." Xander froze. "Have you mentioned Spike to your CO? Did the surveillance teams?" What would the military do to an escapee from the Initiative? Graham frowned but it was gone so quickly Xander barely had time to see it. "He knows Spike is around, but he believes that chipped, Spike isn't a threat." Xander nodded, relieved. He didn't want Spike to be in danger because he'd been helping him. He didn't want Spike to be in danger period, which was a can of worms he was going to ignore for as long as he could. "What's on the agenda for tonight?" Riley asked. Grateful for the distraction, Xander said, "There's a nest of young vampires who are getting big for their britches since they haven't had their asses kicked by the Slayer. I think it's about time that they learn their place." "How do you know?" Graham asked. Xander shrugged. "The information is just there, in my head. If I think about it, then I know where some of Sunnydale's nasties are and what they're up to. Eventually there's no more information, and I have to go get some more." Graham started to say something, but Riley interrupted him. "Why don't we go take care of the vampires now? Hit'em while they're sleeping." "Not without Spike," Xander said. He'd promised that to the vampire once he'd started dealing with the Cynon. He'd continue to meet the Cynon, but he wouldn't act on the information he received without Spike at his side. "I'm not going to do anything until after sundown." He could tell that Graham and Riley didn't like his answer, but he wasn't going to change it. He'd given his word and he couldn't break it. Especially not to Spike, no matter how he felt about Graham. Xander dug his nails into his palm in a gesture of frustration. He'd accepted the fact that he was bi, worked himself around to acknowledging the fact that he was into guys too and was ok with it. He could've dealt with being attracted to both of them at the same time; he wasn't that far away from being a teenager, when thinking about *linoleum* was enough to get him hot. But the crush he'd been hiding from Spike had grown beyond being a crush weeks ago, and the kiss last night hadn't done anything to stop it. At the same time, getting know Graham had had the same effect on Xander's feelings for them. How could he be falling in love with two different people at the same time? What was wrong with him? "We'll wait for Spike," Graham agreed. "In the mean time, you should let us get you some dinner or something." "I could eat," Xander agreed. "Um, do either of you have a cell phone I can use?" He accepted Graham's phone and dialed his apartment number. When Spike picked up he said, "Listen, I got off work early. Graham and Riley are here and they're offering me free food. I'm going to get dinner with them while we wait for the sun to set." //Is everything all right?// Spike asked. His voice sounded a little strange. "Everything's good. I actually got some good news at work - I'll tell you about it when I see you." //Where should I meet you?// "You remember the crypt that looks like it's covered in Oompa Loompas?" He grinned when he heard Spike laugh a little. //I'll be there. Xander...// "Yeah?" His heart beating faster for no apparent reason, Xander waited. //I...never mind. Do you want me to bring you your favorite toys?// "Thank you, that'd be great. I've got the stakes covered, but I need the other stuff." //I'll bring them. Watch yourself. I'll see you as soon as the sun sets.// "I will. See you soon." Xander handed the phone back to Graham, wondering just what Spike had been about to say. "Where for dinner?" "Is there anywhere near here?" Graham asked. "Um, Delarico's has decent Mexican food, and it's completely non-demonic." "Sounds good." Graham nodded his head toward the SUV parked beside Xander's car. "You want a lift?" Xander held out his hand, palm up. "I'm the one who knows where Delarico's is. I should drive." "This is a military-owned vehicle," Riley said, keys held protectively in his hand. "If it's not yours, why are you worried?" Xander smiled winningly and kept his hand out. "Fine," Riley said, handing over the keys. "Don't worry, Riley," Xander said, opening up the driver's door and unlocking the vehicle. "If I run over a line of parking meters or something, I'll tell everyone you were driving." He ignored Riley's glare and started the SUV. Delarico's was close by so he wasn't driving long at all. That meant less time for Riley to spend fidgeting nervously in the back seat, which was good. It also meant less time for him to sit with Graham next to him in the passenger seat, so close and talking to him. Which was also a good thing, since he really didn't want to damage the vehicle by being distracted and running into a parked car. At the restaurant, they got their food quickly and headed for a booth. Xander watched as Graham and Riley slid in on opposite sides of the table. That meant he had to sit by one or the other. It was no contest. He slid in beside Graham and was immediately rewarded by Graham's pleased smile. By the time the food was gone, so was all the space between Xander and Graham. Sitting close together, Xander laughed as Graham told stories about himself and Riley on the various missions they'd performed. The stories were fun, but the best part was hearing Graham's voice, seeing his eyes crinkle up as he smiled, and feeling the warmth of him pressed so close. Xander responded by telling them stories about growing up on the Hellmouth. He tried to focus on the ones that effected him, rather than the ones about Buffy. He didn't want to upset Riley by mentioning her too much. He was finishing up one of the most embarrassing, explaining why every woman in Sunnydale fell in love with him for a short time and Graham and Riley were laughing so hard he was worried they all might get asked to leave. "So they were all after you?" Riley asked, calming down a little. "It was a nightmare. That's why I don't go anywhere near magic or wishes if I can help it." Xander took a long drink of his soda. Mmm, caffeine. He glanced out the window and the sight of the reddening sky sent him scrambling to find his watch. "Damn, we were here longer than I thought. The sun's going down." Riley sighed. "Time for more fun and excitement?" "Hey, the fun never stops in dear old Sunnyhell." Xander moved regretfully away from Graham, stretching as he stood up. "Why more people don't move here, I'll never know." Graham followed him out of the restaurant. Xander tossed the keys back to Riley. "I think you can handle it back to the parking lot. The cars will be safe there until we're done foiling the plans of evil doers." He looked over at Graham and grinned. "Shot gun!" He bolted for the passenger side door. Graham stared at him. "Shot gun? Aren't you required by law not to do that after you graduate high school?" Xander stuck his tongue out at him. "You're just jealous because I thought of it first." "Maybe. Next time the front seat is mine!" "Take it this time," Riley said, tossing the keys to Graham. "Not that I like the idea of either of you driving." Graham climbed in the SUV. "This from the man who managed to crash a-" "That story can wait!" Riley interrupted. Xander reminded himself to ask Graham about it later. He directed Graham back to the parking lot. Once there, he opened his trunk and pulled out his stash of spare stakes. "You guys need anything?" He looked over at and watched as the two soldiers took their own weapons out of the back of the SUV. "Got it covered," Graham said. "But thanks." Once they were all packed up, Xander led the way to the Quiet Slumbers cemetery. The cemetery itself wasn't far away, but the Oompa Loompa crypt was on the far side of it, so it was a bit of a walk. Xander fell into step with Graham while Riley ranged ahead of them. "You know, I can't believe that last story you told us. The one about the love spell." Graham grinned at him as he walked even closer to him. "It's all true! You've lived here; you know that kind of thing happens all the time." "No, I mean I can't believe that it took a spell to send everyone in this town running after you." Xander slowed down to a stop. He stared at Graham, who had stopped to face him. That was one of the nicest things that had ever been said to him. He could read the honesty in Graham's eyes, the sincerity and want and affection. He took a step forward, and then another, until he was standing in Graham's space. He reached up and slid his hand around to cradle the back of Graham's neck and urge his head down for a kiss. Graham's lips met his hesitantly at first, then with growing urgency. Xander cooperated with the gentle pressure and parted his lips, sighing and shifting closer as Graham's tongue lapped at his own. Strong arms close around his waist and pulled him even nearer. He could feel all of Graham against him, feel his heartbeat and his heat and his desire. He moaned and shifted, wanting more as his hands roamed over Graham's back. Survival instinct made him pull away with a disappointed groan that matched Graham's. A cemetery was no place for this. Not only was it vaguely icky, but it was dangerous as well. He stepped away from Graham and blinked a few times, waiting for his head to clear. He clear his throat. "We've got work to do," he said, reminding himself, too. Graham nodded. "Not that I can make myself care about that any more," he said ruefully. Xander nodded his agreement. He looked over at Riley, who was studiously ignoring both of them. "Let's go." Graham fell in step beside him once more. As they walked toward the crypt, Xander fought to hide his confusion. Guilt and happiness warred inside him. He feeling closer to Graham than ever, sure that the other man's feelings went way beyond casual lust. It was one of his most cherished fantasies come true and he wanted to give in to the exhilaration that thought brought. Guilt wouldn't let him, though. What was he doing? He was on his way to meet Spike, who had become one of his closest friends. Who had kissed him the night before and held him and tried to make everything all right. He still felt the same about Spike, still felt the same desire and near-love that had filled him last night. Walking beside Graham, walking toward Spike, Xander had no idea what to do. He had well and truly screwed up and he saw no way out of the situation. He was caught up in what might have once been a favorite dream - except now it was feeling an awful lot like a nightmare. ***** Graham knew he couldn't sneak off to a separate corner cemetery. It would be a foolish risk and far too dangerous. That meant he couldn't have the privacy he needed to pump his fists in the air in an abbreviated victory dance. He couldn't do it in front of the others; Riley would never let him hear the end of it and he didn't want to freak Xander out. But Xander had kissed him! It had been sweet and hot and left him aching for more, for anything that Xander could give him. He knew what Xander tasted like now, knew what it felt like to hold him close and feel his warmth. Graham glanced over at the man walking beside him, catching Xander's gaze for a moment and sharing a small smile with him. He knew that Xander cared about him. He could see it in his eyes and could taste it in his kiss. Xander wasn't just interested in him physically; it went beyond that. One of his favorite fantasies was coming true: not only did Xander like him, but he also wanted him and seemed like he loved him. His good mood faded a little as they approached a crypt that was covered in cherubs that did look quite a bit like Oompa Loompas. He had been hoping that Spike would have flaked out on them and not shown up, but the vampire was leaning against one of the uglier little cherubs and smoking, waiting none too patiently. Graham slowed down and beside Riley, but Xander kept walking up to Spike. The vampire looked Xander up and down. "You all right, pet?" "I'm good," Xander said. He quickly explained why he was away from work and why he had the next few days off. Spike grinned at him. "Congratulations. Looks like someone else is finally learning to appreciate you. Want me to kill something for you? As a sort of celebration, like?" Xander laughed. "As a matter of fact...yeah. There's a nest of fledges we need to clean out." "Then this will come in handy." Spike handed Xander a handgun. "Thanks. The nest is over to the east." Xander glanced at Graham. "You guys ready?" "Let's go," Graham answered. Xander led the way through the cemetery. Graham tried to fall back in step with him, but Spike was suddenly there between them. The vampire was glued to Xander's side, asking him questions about his bonus at work and about the nest they were seeking. It all looked very natural...except for the sneer Spike directed toward Graham as he slid between him and Xander. Graham tried to subtlety regain his place, but Spike refused to be out maneuvered. Graham didn't want to draw too much attention to himself, not just before a fight when it could be too distracting, so he fell back beside Riley, settling for glaring at the vampire. He hated staring at Spike. Not only did it mean he wasn't staring at Xander, but it meant he was forced to think about Spike. Every time he looked at Spike he realized all over again how handsome the blond man was, how he moved with animal grace that fairly screamed sex. He remembered watching the video tapes of 'Hostile 17' over and over again any time he was on rotation with observation, especially the tape that caught Spike jerking off for the camera, hands wandering over his pale body as he writhed ecstatically from his own touch. Graham didn't want to think about any of that; he just wanted to look at Xander and think about the possibilities of the future with him. Instead, he was looking at Spike and wonder what it would be like to run his hands over the pale skin. Seeing Spike hover over Xander, watching him fight and hearing him make scathing, amusing jokes were all messing with Graham's head as well. The vampire wasn't Hostile 17 any more; he was Spike, an attractive man that Graham would have perhaps pursued if he hadn't fallen so hard for Xander. Looking at Spike just confused and irritated him, which is why he would prefer to look at Xander. Reaching the vampires' next almost came as a relief. It was in a predictably run down crypt in one of the creepier corners of the cemetery. "Don't the people who run this place ever do any maintenance work?" he asked, surveying the crypt. "They don't get paid enough," Xander said. "Besides, why would you want to ruin this delightful atmosphere?" "What's the situation?" Riley asked, focussing them all on business. "It's not a large nest," Xander said. He closed his eyes. "Maybe fifteen of them. They're all young and inexperienced, nothing to worry about except for their numbers. They don't have a set leader, but they're beginning to get bolder since the Slayer hasn't been seen lately." He opened his eyes. "That's all I've got." "That's all we need, pet," Spike said. Graham resisted the urge to glare at him. "So we're just going go in?" "No point in being subtle," Xander said. "They wouldn't appreciate it, anyway." He pulled out two stakes, one for each hand. "Shall we?" "Hang on, pet." Spike stopped Xander with a quick touch to his shoulder. "Let me go in first. Quarters are too close in there." He walked into the crypt like he owned the place. Xander moved off to the side. "When they come out, they're probably going to be very pissed off and moving fast." "He's done this before?" Riley asked. "Oh, yeah. Do you really think he'd miss a chance to insult something before killing it?" Xander didn't get a chance to elaborate further; Spike ran out of the crypt with a devilish grin stretching his features. "Here they come," he said, coming to a halt just in front of Xander and turning to face the crypt. Just as he'd predicted, vampires poured from the mouth of the crypt, fury clear on their inhuman faces. Spike stepped forward to meet them, staking one and throwing another over the nearest row of headstones before moving into the center of the fray. The fledges milled about in confusion, not expecting to find three humans waiting for them with the insane vampire who had first insulted them, then begun killing them. Graham didn't wait for them to recover their equilibrium; instead, he moved forward and staked the vampire closest to him. He managed to stake another before the rest of the fledges realized that the humans were also a threat and began to defend themselves. Even as he fought to keep the fledges focusing on him away from his body, Graham kept an eye on Xander, wanting to be sure that the other man was safe. Xander was holding up well; he'd taken out two vampires and was fending off two others with a reasonable amount of effort. Riley was also doing as well as a man surrounded by demons could; he hadn't gone down and he didn't look hurt. Graham knew his friend could handle himself. Graham also caught himself checking on Spike, as if the vampire's welfare was any concern of his. The vampire was ripping through the ranks of the fledges with unrestrained glee, dust showering down around him. An aggressive fledge knocked Graham over and then leapt upon him. Fear choked him as he struggled with his stronger opponent. Cold hands tore at his clothes, seeking to reach his skin and rend his flesh. Adrenaline coursing through his veins stronger than ever, Graham snaked his hand between his body and the vampire's, stake still clutched in his fist. With a carefully aimed thrust, he slammed the stake home and closed his eyes as ash fell down upon him. A moment later he was back on his feet and back in the fight. Finally, there was no one left to fight. Graham blinked, a little surprised that it was all over. Riley was putting away his stakes, Spike was brushing off his jacket, and Xander was wincing as he tried to get a look at the back of his shoulder. Graham tried to get to Xander's side to find out how badly he was hurt, but Spike was in his way. He moved roughly past Spike, not wanting to dance around him. The thought of bumping into Spike repeatedly was torturous; not only would it keep him away from Xander, but he'd be put into direct contact with the whipcord body that he was trying so hard to pretend didn't effect him at all. Spike hissed as he was shouldered aside. Hearing that, Graham turned to look at him. The vampire's face was darkened by a bruise across one of his cheekbones and he was holding his shoulder stiffly, as though it hurt him. "Are you all right?" Shrugging with only one shoulder, Spike shook his head. "It's nothing. Give me a little while and I'll be as good as new." He looked at Xander. "What about you, pet?" Xander looked up. "It hurts, but I can't tell how bad it is." Graham beat Spike to stand behind Xander, but only just barely. If the vampire had been uninjured, no doubt it would have been Graham peering around Spike's shoulder instead of the other way around. Graham reached out and held apart the edges of the tear in Xander's shirt. "Ouch," Xander murmured, looking at the ragged cut running down the back of his shoulder. "It's bleeding." "Not badly," Graham said. "I've got the stuff I need to patch you up." "Not just yet," Xander said. He twisted around so he could look at the men behind him. His gaze flickered from Spike to Graham and then back again. "Spike, you're hurt." "It's not bad," Spike said. "I'll li...whatever." "Turnabout is fair play. Isn't that the saying?" Xander looked at Graham. "Would you and Riley excuse us?" He walked toward the now empty crypt, Spike trailing along in his wake. Graham exchanged a confused glance with Riley. "I don't like this." "Neither do I," Riley admitted. That was all the encouragement Graham needed. He headed for the crypt, slowing as he reached the entrance. With Riley beside him, he peered inside the crypt. Spike was facing Xander, hand cupping the dark-eyed man's cheek. "Are you sure, pet?" Spike's voice sounded odd, too hoarse, too deep. He stared at Xander's back with surprise clearly written on his face. "Yeah. You need this." "I'll survive without it." "I want to do this. I want to help you." Xander turned his back on Spike. "Please, Spike?" Spike stepped forward and laid his hands on Xander's shoulder. He leaned forward and kissed the back of Xander's neck, then parted the rent in Xander's shirt. He bent his head and parted his lips, running his tongue up the bleeding cut in long, slow strokes. As Xander's head dropped so his chin rested against his chest, Spike lapped up the blood on his shoulder. The licks were careful and gentle, and Spike's hands ghosted up and down Xander's arms in comforting sweeps. When the wound had finally stopped bleeding, Spike dragged his tongue the length of the cut one more time, then placed a soft kiss on the torn skin. "Thank you, luv." "You're finished?" Xander turned around. "Is it going to help?" "I feel better already. So will you, soon. Vampire saliva seems to help with healing wounds." Graham finally felt shock lose its hold on him. He stepped angrily into the crypt. "What the hell is going on?" Xander jumped. "Graham?" Graham took another step forward and Spike was in his face, blocking the way to Xander. "Out of my way." Spike raised an eyebrow and stayed right where he was. Graham had to jostle past him, bumping up against him repeatedly in the narrow confines of the crypt. The distraction of the slim, hard body against his own wasn't enough to stop him; he kept fighting to get past the vampire. He couldn't help the involuntary bolt of desire that shot through him. He distantly noticed that Spike didn't look entirely unaffected, either; the vampire's snotty smirk was faltering and his eyes had grown darker. "Spike!" At the sound of Xander's voice, Spike stopped his obstruction. With a sneer, he moved out of the way and allowed Graham to approach Xander. Graham stared at the dark-haired man. Xander's eyes were wide and his cheeks were slightly flushed. What was going on? Xander was attracted to him; hell, he was pretty sure Xander was falling in love with him. So what was he doing with Spike? "Xander? What's going on?" "I was bleeding and Spike needed blood." "Not that. I saw him kiss you." Xander dropped his gaze and stared miserably at the floor. "I don't know what to tell you." "Is this like what Riley got into?" He didn't want to upset Riley, but he was terrified that Xander might be sinking into the same depression and madness that had gripped his friend. "You're paying him to protect you with your blood?" "No! It's not like that. It's not a payment." Xander paused, obviously searching for words. Graham didn't give him a chance to try to come up with some sort of explanation. The betrayal that coursed through him demanded action. He didn't know how Spike had talked Xander into this, but it was going to end now. "He's using you, Xander. All he wants from you is your blood and to get on Buffy's good side." "That's not true! Listen-" "No, you listen. Why else would he be doing this? All he wants is to impress Buffy by helping to keep one of her friends alive, and it gives him an excuse to kill things. You're just a means to an end, and convincing you to start giving him your blood just sweetens the game for him. Don't be stupid, Xander. Don't let him do this to you." "You don't understand. Spike wouldn't-" "He's a vampire!" A new voice broke into the argument. "What a coincidence. So am I." A vampire in game face stood in the entrance to the crypt. "What the hell are you mortals doing here? Where's Jared? Where's Mark?" Spike stepped forward to answer. "I think Jared is out behind the crypt. And Mark..." He brushed some lingering ash off the sleeve of his duster. "Do you think that might be him?" The new vampire growled and rushed into the crypt, followed by several others. Graham and Xander immediately ended their fight to defend themselves. Even as he fought with his inhuman opponent, Graham's thoughts were on the betrayal of his trust and his feelings that he'd just witnessed. This was nowhere near over. ***** Spike turned quickly and slammed a stake into the fledge's chest, killing the inept creature before it could sneak up on him. He looked around the crypt, but there was no one left to fight. The young vampires who had shown up to avenge their friends had died quickly; not even the close quarters had helped them when it came to facing experienced fighters, not to mention Spike himself. None of the humans had been hurt and Spike had actually finished healing during the course of the fight. He turned to look at Xander, wanting to read his expression. The dark-haired man refused to meet his gaze; instead, Xander was standing off in a corner, arms wrapped around himself as he avoided everyone else as best he could. That made Spike's decision for him. If Xander didn't want to talk about anything with anyone, then he didn't have to. "What's next on the agenda for tonight, then?" He could probably distract the soldier boys by feeding them some line about duty before personal concerns. "I'm empty," Xander said quietly. Shit. No distraction and they were going to have to see the Cynon again. Spike scowled and tried to come up with another distraction. He wasn't fast enough. Graham walked across the crypt to once again face Xander. Spike was tempted to interfere, to try to block the soldier again. He didn't want the other man to have a chance to hurt Xander...and he had to admit that he wouldn't mind feeling the other man's body against his own. He knew that interfering would only make things worse, though, so he stayed out of it. He just made sure to be close enough to be ready if Xander needed him. "We aren't finished, Xander." Graham stood in front of the dark-haired man, arms crossed over his chest. "I want to know what you think is going on." "What?" Xander reluctantly looked up to meet Graham's gaze. "You say that Spike isn't using you. You say that you weren't paying him by letting him...letting him have your blood. What is going on, then?" "I don't know what is going on!" Xander protested. "I'm not interested in games." "It isn't a game," Xander said pleadingly. "Graham, I'm not lying to you." "Then what is Spike to you? He didn't just feed from you. I saw him kiss you." Xander shook his head. "I don't know what to tell you. I'm sorry, but I don't. Things are really confusing. I know how you make me feel...but there's Spike, too." "You like Spike?" Graham's voice was incredulous. "And you actually think he could feel something for you? Xander, that's insane. Can you hear yourself? You have to know how crazy that is." "Graham..." There was pure misery in Xander's voice, the same as that which filled his eyes, but he made no move to deny his feelings for Spike. Graham stared at him in disbelief for a moment before his features slipped into an expressionless mask. "I don't believe this." He turned and walked toward the entrance of the crypt. Just before he reached it, he turned and looked back at Xander. "I wasted a lot of dreams on you." Then he was gone, taking Riley with him. Spike unclenched his fists, hardly noticing the pain from where his fingernails had sliced through the flesh of his palms. He wanted to follow Graham, wanted to return upon him the pain he'd just visited upon Xander, but he couldn't. Not only was the chip stopping him, but he had to stay with Xander. Xander was staring at the mouth of the crypt, hugging himself as his eyes shone with unshed tears. Spike approached him cautiously. "Xander? Time to head home." Xander blinked rapidly and the tears disappeared, but he didn't respond. Hovering over him every step of the way, Spike shepherded him back to the apartment, never moving more than a pace away from his side the entire journey. Once inside the apartment, he ushered Xander over to the couch and sat down beside him, twisting so he could see his face. He was more than a little unnerved by the other man's continued silence. "Xander?" The only response he got was more rapid blinking to dispel potential tears. Spike couldn't sit there and watch Xander hurt. He followed his instinct and leaned forward, trying to pull Xander into a comforting embrace. Xander resisted him with sudden fierce effort, throwing off his arm. "I'm not interested in being used," he said harshly. Spike froze. Damn that soldier bastard! First he hurt Xander by throwing the boy's confusion back in his face and then he made Xander doubt him. Spike had spent weeks by Xander's side, slowly earning his trust and his friendship. He had even begun to think Xander could return his feelings and now all that may have been destroyed. Fighting down his anger, he met Xander's glare directly. "I'm not using you, Xander." "Yeah? So this isn't some kind of ploy to get close to Buffy? You were spending a lot of time hanging around her before." There was old pain in Xander's eyes behind the new hurt, like being used wasn't anything new for him. "No! Of course not. This was never about Buffy." Xander's gaze didn't soften at all. "Look, I admit I played with Riley's head. He was one of *them*, one of the ones that put this damn chip in my head. I couldn't do anything to them like I wanted to, couldn't do anything to get any real revenge, so I took what I could get. He was so insecure about Buffy that it didn't take much to push his buttons. You know me, luv. I couldn't not do it." "So you were only lying to Riley about Buffy?" Xander watched him intently. "I was messing with his head, getting my own back the only way I could. He must have told Graham about it. That's why the stupid git is hung up on the idea." He moved closer to Xander and reached out to stroked his hands up and down the other man's upper arms. "I've been with you because I want to be with you, Xander. It's got nothing to with anyone but you." Xander held his gaze, searching for something. "I want to believe you." "Then do. I'm telling the truth, Xan. This is only about you and the way I feel about you. The rest of Sunnyhell could disappear and nothing would change because you're the only thing that matters." It was hard to find the words. He hadn't needed them with Dru; they hadn't really made sense to her. It was attention that she craved. It was the same with Harmony, even; all that had mattered was that he was focused on her. His words usually went right over her empty head. With Xander staring at him with somber eyes, he had to grope to find a way to convince the other man he was telling the truth. He pulled Xander closer, not stopping until he held Xander close against his chest. "I don't care what anyone else thinks or feels or wants, luv. All that matters is you. If you don't want this, fine. It ends here because you want it to." Ignore the fact that it would rip Spike's heart out. He'd still back off...for as long as he could, anyway. "If this is what you want, though, I'm here. You understand? I'm not going anywhere so long as you want me here." He held Xander tightly, unwilling to let him go. He might say he was, but he couldn't change how he felt. He loved Xander, wanted him, and he wasn't going to let him go without a fight. Xander was silent for several moments, holding himself utterly still. A shuddering sigh shook his frame and he turned a little, moving deeper into the circle of Spike's arms. Xander's arms slowly unwrapped from around his own body and slid around Spike so that he was returning the embrace. "I want to believe you," he repeated in a whisper. "Then do," Spike said again, scattering kisses across Xander's temple. "Just trust me, luv. I've got you and I'm not going to let you go." He might be able to force himself to back off for a bit and give Xander the illusion of freedom, but there was no way that he could ever just let Xander go. Not after falling in love with him. He continued to hold Xander, the warm strength of him filling his arms. He could feel Xander's heart beat, smell the pure sent of him as the dark-haired man relaxed against him. A ragged sigh ghosted across Spike's skin. "Graham was wrong," Xander said quietly. "I wasn't playing games with him." "I know, luv. You're not me. You don't do that to people." Spike forced himself to keep his voice level to avoid upsetting Xander. He still felt the urge to hunt Graham down and smash the taller man's face in. Just because Graham couldn't handle the idea of Xander being interested in anyone besides him was no reason to hurt him. One reason that Spike was drawn to Xander was the other man's innate honesty. If Graham hadn't seen that in Xander and realized that playing games could never be a part of Xander's nature, then he didn't deserve a chance with Xander. Xander still hadn't looked up at him. "But if I wasn't playing games, you know what that means, right?" Spike tightened his embrace. "I know, Xander. You really felt something for him." "Feel," Xander corrected. "It isn't just going to go away." "I know that, too." Spike kissed Xander's hair once more. "Love doesn't work by any rules. It's never easy, not if it's real. I understand, pet, and it's all right." He was rewarded for finding the words by Xander raising his head. The dark eyes that met his were liquid with unshed tears. Spike met Xander's solemn stare for a moment, then leaned forward and kissed the corner of Xander's mouth. When that drew the barest hint of a smile from Xander, Spike moved forward once more and kissed him more firmly, taking in the feeling of soft lips moving against his own. After a moment he sat back. Xander blinked a few times and the smile disappeared, buried under rising uncertainty. "Um, did I do something wrong?" "No," Spike said quickly. He hated this; he wasn't prepared to have to guess how his actions could be interpreted. He wasn't used to caring about how they reacted beyond whether or not he managed to frighten or hurt them. "Nothing's wrong. It's just..." he shut his mouth. He was beginning to babble as uselessly as Angel would. Xander's smile made a brief reappearance. "It's ok. I think I just want to go to bed. I need some time on my own. To think, you know?" Spike nodded. "You do that, luv. I'll be here when you want to talk more tomorrow." He brushed his lips across Xander's once more, then stood up and helped Xander to his feet as well. "Sleep well." Shoulders slumped wearily, Xander nodded and headed for his bedroom. Spike watched him go, then entered his own bedroom. He wasn't going out that night. He couldn't, not when there was a chance Xander could need him. More pragmatically, staying in also meant that he wouldn't be tempted to see how much damage he could wreak on Graham before the chip finally melted his brain. He changed his clothing, removing his jeans and pulling on a pair of pyjama pants he'd appropriated from Xander. He'd never been one for pjs, but he'd noticed that Xander seemed to like him wearing them. If it meant he might get a smile from Xander in the morning, then he'd wear them. He stayed in his room, laying on the bed and staring at the ceiling as he listened to Xander get ready for bed. Humans were so strange about love. The way they believed that you could only love one person at a time; he couldn't understand it. He could remember his own childish beliefs in true love with a single person, but they seemed just that: childish. Love was love; why try to limit it to a single other person? Xander was torturing himself over feelings that he couldn't control, and Graham was willing to throw away a chance with Xander because he couldn't understand that love couldn't be limited. As all sound gradually ceased in the apartment, Spike stood up and crept silently from his room to Xander's. He didn't feel right going to sleep until he checked on the other man. He stood in the doorway and sighed. Xander was huddled in a tight ball in one corner of his bed, his expression unhappy even in sleep. Not wanting to risk waking him, Spike stayed in the doorway, watching him sleep. When Xander woke up tomorrow, Spike intended to be there for him. He was going to make him lose that pained expression and bring the smile back to his eyes. He was going to show him that it was all right to feel like he did. He was going to do everything he could to make Xander realize that he was loved. ***** As the rising sun finally shone through his window, Xander gave up on all pretenses of sleep. He'd been restless all night, dark thoughts and a heavy heart bringing him out of fitful dreams again and again. He'd slept a little at first, but for the past few hours he had been faking it, hoping that the semblance of sleep might at least make him feel rested. Xander gave up and climbed out of bed. He stood in the middle of his room and stared wearily at his closet. What was he going to do today? It was his day off, so he didn't have to worry about work. Great. So he could spend the whole day thinking about how badly he'd fucked up his life. Xander shook himself. Thinking like that wasn't going to get him anywhere. It would just drive him back into bed...or maybe under it. The only thing that was going to keep him going was work. If he didn't have to go into his day job, then he could work on the one he did at night. He'd made a promise to Spike not to do anything without him, but he couldn't stay in the apartment all day and wait for night to fall. He'd find a way to make it up to Spike later. Dressing quickly, Xander left the apartment as quietly as he could, knowing that Spike would be sleeping to deeply to notice anything except maybe a war. Hands shoved deeply into his pockets, he walked to the cemetery, thoughts whirling around in his mind in endless spirals. Graham's words echoed in his memory: 'I wasted a lot of dreams on you'. Had those dreams been wasted? Xander hadn't been trying to play with Graham; he'd been attracted to the other man and had fallen in love with him. Those feelings had been real...but so were his feelings for Spike. He didn't understand how he could be in love with two people at the same time. What was wrong with him? The thing that frightened him most was the thought that maybe he wasn't really in love with either Graham or Spike. Maybe he only thought he was. Maybe he didn't know what love was and he was confusing something else for it. More confused than when he left the house, Xander reached the Cynon's crypt. He hesitated for a moment outside. He didn't want to go in without knowing that Spike would be outside, waiting for him and looking out for him. Damning himself as a coward, he forced himself to enter. The interior was shadowed even in daylight and Xander stared hard through the darkness. "Hello?" The Cynon glided out of the far corner, appearing out of the shadows to leer down at Xander. "I didn't expect you to return so quickly." "I'm full of surprises," Xander said. "Let's do this." "Eager today? Good." The Cynon moved closer, circling around him with predatory grace. "I have something special planned." It leaned closer, staring at him in obvious anticipation. "Rejection." It said the word slowly, drawing it out, savoring it. Xander shuddered a little but he refused to look away. "Can you hurry this up? I've got plans for later." The Cynon inclined its head and raised its hand, reaching out toward Xander's face but stopping just short of making contact. "Feel," it whispered. Xander felt. The memories of a lifetime of rejection coursed through him, replaying in his mind as if new once more. Every time his parents ignored him in favor of watching the television or yelling at each other. Every time the cool kids had walked right past him as if he didn't exist. Every time his friends left him behind without even considering bringing him along. Every time he lost a job. Anya leaving him. Graham turning his back on him and walking away. The last ripped through him. He'd had no time to get used to it, to try to build any kind of scar tissue over it. He could see the disappointment and hurt and anger in Graham's eye, the hints of disgust in his voice, the angry line of his back as he walked away. The latest rejection, it cut the deepest, hurt the most. He couldn't put a good face on it, couldn't pretend that it didn't touch him. Tears ran down his cheeks and he didn't try to stop them; at least they obscured the face of the Cynon, leering down at him. He let the tears run freely and was grateful for the blindness that they brought. Finally, the Cynon released its hold on his emotions. The flood of memories ceased, but the tears continued to come. He twisted away violently, facing the wall and wrapping his arms about himself tightly. He drew in breath in huge gasps, fighting for control. It was a hard-won battle but he eventually repressed the tears and slowed his breathing back down to normal. He scrubbed his hands over his face, wiping away the last of the tears. He closed his eyes, trying to sort through all the information in his head. There were vampires in the northernmost cemetery, demons encroaching on the east side neighborhoods, and some new demons in the wood in the north. Wait. Xander could visualize the demons in the woods, could see them as they infested an abandoned cabin. He recognized them. Relatives of theirs had moved through Sunnydale three years ago. Buffy had been inclined to leave them be; they didn't bother humans but instead targeted vampires, preferring to feast on dead flesh. The Scoobies had only gotten involved with the demons began to desecrate graves in search of more food. They were tough and nasty and they would swarm all over Spike the moment they saw him, dragging him down by sheer weight of numbers and make him their next meal.. Not looking at the Cynon, Xander walked out of the crypt and into the sunshine. The warmth of the day didn't touch him. The knowledge of what he had to do filled him, numbing him to everything else except his purpose. He didn't have a lot of time. He was going to have to retrieve a few weapons from a secret stash he kept near his parents' house. During the confusion of the Initiative's departure from Sunnydale, he'd managed to appropriate several weapons for himself. The just-in-case scenario he'd half-imagined was finally occurring, so it was time to pull them out of storage. Before he did that, he was going to have to take care of a few personal things. He walked swiftly back to his apartment, keeping himself focused on the task he had set for himself. He eased into the apartment, careful to stay quiet. Morning was still barely beginning so Spike would still be heavily asleep, but he didn't want to take any chances. He made his way to his bedroom and reached under his bed, pulling out the thick envelope he had hidden away. He didn't like to think about the envelope's contents, but he'd always known he was going to need them. He just hadn't expected it to be so soon. He sat down on the bed and laid the envelope down beside him. He then opened up the drawer in his nightstand and pulled out three sheets of paper and a pen. Using the envelope to bear down on, he quickly wrote three new letters. He folded two of them, addressing them with names and then slid them into the envelope. The third he folded and addressed, but he left it on his bed. Xander stood and walked over to his closet, pulling out a pair of jeans and a long sleeved shirt. He needed old clothes, comfortable and tough. He removed his clothes and pulled the ones he'd chosen on, taking comfort in the familiarity of them against his skin. He picked up the envelope and glanced at the folder letter he'd left on the bed. He hesitated for a moment, but he really didn't have a better place to leave it. He'd have to just leave it there and hope for the best. He knew he should just leave, take the envelope and get out, but he couldn't resist the impulse to look in on Spike. He crept over to the second bedroom and eased the door open. He peered in through the crack. Spike lay beneath the sheets, the pale perfect muscles of his back and shoulders revealed as he slept on his stomach, arms wrapped around the pillow that he hugged to his chest. Xander wanted to push the door open, to enter the room fully and stand beside the bed. He wanted to stroke his hands over the blond hair, to feel the smooth muscles and inhale Spike's scent. He wanted to kiss the vampire again. He wanted...but he couldn't have. It was finally all clear to him: Spike had told him the night before that he didn't care about Sunnydale or anyone in the town but Xander. He was hanging around a place he hated, tied there because Xander was never going to go anywhere or accomplish anything. He morbidly wondered which would be worse: having Spike stay in Sunnydale and hate every moment of it and know that he was responsible for the vampire's unhappiness, or having Spike leave him behind when he could no longer resist the urge to move on? Xander didn't think he could face either possibility, so no matter how much he wanted to see those depthless blue eyes again, he couldn't. Waking Spike up would ruin everything, so he forced himself to close the door and walk away, walk out of the apartment and out onto the street. He paused on the street corner, holding the envelope under one arm while he fed quarters into the pay phone that stood there. He dialed the number he had gotten from Graham one night on patrol. He felt his throat tighten as he listened to the phone ring, terrified that no one would pick up, terrified that some one would pick up. After four rings, someone did pick up. "Hello?" Riley. Xander cleared his throat. "It's Xander." "What do you want?" Riley's tone immediately became cold. "I need to meet with you." "Why? Are there some head games you and your vampire forgot to play?" Xander closed his eyes. "Riley..." Arguing wouldn't do any good. "I need you to do something for me. I know I shouldn't ask, but there's no one else." "What about Spike? He seemed to be taking care of all your needs just fine." "Please. There's no one else." Riley sighed. "What do you want?" "Just meet me. Now." "Where?" "In front of the Bronze." It was a pretty neutral location and it was on the way to his weapons cache. "Fine." Riley hung up without saying anything more. Xander exhaled shakily, then hung up the phone and headed for the Bronze. He glanced around the streets as he made his way there, remembering everything that he'd experienced in Sunnydale. The ice cream shop he'd visited so often with Willow. A music store he and Buffy had hung out in. The street corner where he'd almost died when set upon by vampires. The alley shortcut that he always took after being left behind once again...he forced himself to concentrate on the present. He had to get to the Bronze in time. There was no way Riley was going to wait around for him. He made it just in time; Riley was standing beside his SUV, looking ready to leave. He didn't move when Xander came into sight. He just continued to lean back against the vehicle, arms crossed over his chest. He stared silently at Xander. Xander walked up to him and held out the envelope. "I'll keep this short. If you don't hear from me in a few days, could you please give this to Giles?" Riley made no move to take the envelope. "Why can't your pet vampire do it for you?" If this all went wrong, Spike wasn't going to have any interest in doing Xander any favors. If by some miracle things when right, he still didn't want to chance Spike finding the envelope; it would send the vampire out looking for him and that was the last thing Xander wanted to happen. Spike had to stay away from the woods until the demons were gone and he was no longer in danger. "Please, Riley." "Fine." Riley snatched the envelope, then opened up the door to his vehicle. Guess the conversation was over. As Xander watched Riley drive away, he realized how much he'd been hoping Graham would come. He'd dreaded seeing the blue-eyed man again, but it would have been nice to see him one last time. Judging by how much it hurt inside that he wasn't going to get that chance, he'd been more than half in love with Graham. Xander shook himself and looked at his watch. That didn't matter now. He didn't have much time. He still had to get to his weapons cache and out to the woods, and he had to do it all during daylight hours if he wanted to make sure that Spike didn't have a chance to interfere. Swallowing hard, he walked quickly northwards. It was time to end this. ***** Graham scrubbed his towel over his head, ruffling his hair as he wiped away the water that clung to the strands after his shower. He hadn't slept well. Images of Xander had haunted him, keeping him awake as his mind had replayed the events of the past night again and again: Xander laughing up at him as they walked through the cemetery; Xander closing his eyes and leaning into Spike's touch as the vampire stroked his skin with his tongue; Xander staring at him in misery and confusion. He'd tossed and turned for most of the night and was now hoping that a shower would help to wake him up. He walked into the living room and nodded at Riley, who was sitting on the couch. "Hey, Ri." He tossed the towel back over his shoulder and headed for the kitchen, wanting to grab something for breakfast. He paused when Riley didn't say anything in response and turned around. "Ri?" Riley looked up abruptly. "Graham." "Yeah, that would be me." Graham walked back into the living room, wondering what had Riley back down to the very basics of me, Riley, you, Graham. An envelope lay on the end table, the name 'Giles' written on it. "What's that?" Riley rubbed his hand over his forehead. "While you were in the bathroom I got a phone call. It was Xander." Graham froze. "What did he want?" "He said he needed a favor and asked me to meet him. He wouldn't explain what was going on, so I decided to go." "Without telling me." "If it was going to be just another game, I didn't want you to get involved." Riley shrugged apologetically. "I figured he'd be less able to fuck with my head." Fine. Graham wasn't sure that he wanted to see Xander again, anyway. He didn't know if he wanted to see how much it would hurt to look at Xander and know that everything that they'd shared together had been a lie. "So what's with the envelope?" "Xander wants me to hold on to it for a few days." Riley went back to staring at the envelope, which had been distracting him when Graham walked in. Now Graham was distracted as well. What was inside the envelope that was so important that Xander was willing to ask Riley for help? He sat down beside Riley. "It's not sealed." "I noticed that." Riley picked up the envelope. "I'm wondering if the contents could be a part of a larger security concern." "There's only one way to find out." "Our names aren't on it." "It's not sealed. Whose to know we took a peek?" Good point. Graham took the envelope and emptied its contents out onto the coffee table. The envelope was filled with smaller envelopes, also unsealed. Names labeled the envelopes: 'Buffy', 'Willow', 'Dawn', 'Tara', 'Mr. and Mrs. Harris', 'Anya', and a thicker one marked 'Giles' once more. Two folded sheets of paper caught his attention. One was marked with Riley's name, the other with his own. Graham was reluctant to pick up the one designated for him. Did he really want to know what Xander had to say? Riley picked up his sheet of paper. "This has my name on it. That makes it my business." He unfolded it and began to read, with Graham staring unabashedly over his shoulder. //Riley- I know you have no reason to want to hear anything from me, much less advice, but I have to say this. You have to talk to Buffy. You can't leave things the way they are. When you left, there were a hundred things going on that distracted both of you from the only thing that matters: the way you feel about each other. I know you love her - I saw it in everything you did for her, in the way you looked at her and talked about her. You were wrong when you said that she didn't love you. She didn't want to lose you. When she realized that you weren't going to come back, that the fight was real and that it could be forever, something in her eyes died a little. She ran across town and made it to the field in time to watch you leave. She went really quiet after that. You took an important part of her with you. Forget the orders that you're under. Forget pride and hurt and distractions. You love each other. People go their whole lives without ever getting the chance to taste what you could have and keep forever. Talk to her, man. You're never going to get a chance like this again.// It wasn't signed, but it sounded just like Xander. Riley put the letter down carefully, eyes still locked on the words scrawled across the page in obvious haste. Graham stared at him. "Where did that come from?" "I talked to Xander a few times, back when things with Buffy first started to go wrong. He was the one I could talk to then. He probably knows more about what happened to Buffy and me than I do." Riley blinked and forced himself to look away from the words that so distracted him. He nodded toward the sheet of paper waiting for Graham. "Aren't you going to read it?" Graham reached out and picked up the letter. "What could he have left to say?" He opened up the letter, angling the page so that Riley could see it as well. //Graham- I don't know if you're even going to read this, but I need to say this, need to know that I tried to let you know. Thank you. I know that you hate the fact that you wasted so much time on me, but I still have to thank you for it. You are an amazing guy and the fact that you took any kind of interest in me...thank you. Someday you're going to find the person who can love you like you deserve, and he's is going to be the luckiest man on the planet. Thank you. You showed me something I thought I'd never have a chance to ever experience and no matter how it turned out, I can't regret it.// Graham frowned down at the letter. It didn't sound right. It wasn't an apology and it wasn't an angry rebuttal continuing the argument from the other day. "It's a good-bye." He dropped the letter and grabbed the envelope marked for Giles. "What are you doing?" Riley asked. "This letter was a good-bye. So was yours. Why is he writing good-bye letters?" He opened the letter to Giles, the fear inside him growing. //Giles- I'm sorry to be telling you the news like this, but there really isn't a better way to do it. If you're reading this, then I'm dead. I'm telling you because I need you to be the one to hold the others together. Buffy and Willow are both going to blame themselves and you're the only one who is going to be able to make sure they don't. This isn't anyone's fault but my own. I walked into the situation with my eyes open, knowing what could happen. I know you're going to be upset, but I need you to do a few things for me. Could you please give these envelopes to the people they're for? I've also included my will in this letter to you. I don't have much, but I do know where I'd like it to go. The second favor is going to be harder to do, I think. I need you and Buffy to watch out for Spike for me. He is the reason that I actually made it this far, lasted this long. He had my back, risked his life for me over and over and kept me alive. You're going to laugh, but he turned out to be a friend and I don't want anything to happen to him. The only other thing I have to tell you is thank you. Not for pulling the answer to stopping the apocalypse out of the book no one else knew existed, although that was always pretty cool. I want to thank you for showing me what a father, what a man is supposed to be like. You've been my guide for both and I'm sorry that I waited this long to tell you. And I guess I won't curl up and die of manly embarrassment if I write this down - I love you. Thank you, G-man. Sorry. I just had to get that in one last time!// Graham dropped the letter. "He's going to get himself killed." He stood up and walked back to the bedroom, pulling on boots and gearing up. Riley followed him. "And he was going to let me be the bearer of bad news to Giles? Great." He grabbed boots and gear as well. "Where do you think he is?" "I know who we should ask." Graham felt the need to move jittering through him, making him anxious to be moving. He didn't know what Xander had gotten himself into or if it might already be too late. "Not Spike." Riley's voice was firm as he moved toward the door. "No." Graham led the way to the car, opening up the driver's side door and sliding in. If Xander was going to get into something that he was pretty sure was going to kill him, then there was no way Spike was involved. Graham had witnessed how protective the vampire was of Xander; Spike would keep Xander alive at all costs. Xander must have shut Spike out and left him behind. Graham drove to the cemetery with controlled haste. Riley figured out what he was thinking and was at his side the whole way to the crypt where they'd seen Xander those weeks back, emerging from the shadows shaking and pale. This was where Xander got his information. This was where they'd find out where he'd gone. "We're going to go in fast and hard, get what we need and get out." Riley nodded. "Let's go." Graham turned to move toward the crypt, but before he could even take a step forward, he was knocked aside. As he tried to catch himself, he caught sight of a figure enveloped in a dark cloak and heard a stream of curses as the figure blew past him. Spike. Graham followed the snarling vampire into the crypt, Riley following close behind. Spike threw off the protective covering he'd worn to ward off the sun and lunged across the crypt, grabbing the blue demon within around the throat. "What the hell did you do to him? Where is he?" He punctuated his demands by slamming the demon's head against the wall of the crypt. Graham hurried forward and grabbed one of Spike's arms. "Riley! He'll kill him!" With Riley's help, he was able to drag the enraged vampire away from the demon. If Spike killed it, they'd never know what Xander was planning. They'd have no chance of saving him. Spike struggled and swore, but Graham and Riley managed to hold him. The blue demon slumped against the wall of the crypt, staring at Spike with alarm. "Hey!" Graham called, getting the creature's attention. "We're not going to be able to hold him forever. Tell us what we want to know, or we let him go." He kept his voice level, not allowing the fear and urgency that filled him to show in away. "Tell us where Xander is." ***** Spike strained against the arms that held him immobile, but he held his full strength in check. He didn't want to get free, not right then. He'd heard the soldiers threaten the Cynon with his violence and he was willing to play along. He was willing to do whatever it took to find Xander. He'd woken up to find Xander already gone. A note on the kitchen counter had told him that the dark-haired man was out running errands and that he'd be back soon. Spike had debated what to do while waiting; watch the telly, read a magazine, prank call the Slayer? He had decided that none of them suited his mood. He'd wanted to wake up and talk to Xander, make sure the other man wasn't too torn up about what had happened the night before. He knew Xander was going to take it to heart, knew that the boy was going to feel the rejection and the loss of Graham more than he should. Behind the laughing eyes, Xander hid a soul that felt too much, too deeply. He'd wanted to hold Xander and make sure that he was all right, to tell him he was loved and to get those dark eyes to smile for him once more. If he couldn't be near Xander, then he could at least immerse himself in the other man's presence. He'd probably never be able to live it down if anyone caught him at it, but he didn't care. He wanted to be with Xander and this was the next best thing. He had pushed open the closed door to Xander's bedroom, intending to spend time in the place that smelled and felt the most like the mortal. It was there that he'd found the letter with his name on it, waiting for him on the bed. //Spike- No matter how I write this, I know I'm going to end up pissing you off. I'm just going to beg you to read this all the way through before you do anything, all right? The first thing I have to tell you is thank you. Thank you for keeping me alive these past few weeks. I would have been dead a dozen times over without you there by my side. Thank you for watching out for me in other, smaller ways. If I hadn't had you to talk to, I probably would have ended up going out of my mind. You helped me to hold it together. You were a friend when I needed one most. The past few days have been something out of a secret dream for me. Thank you for giving me the chance to live it. You let me feel things I never thought I'd ever be able to, made me feel better and closer to love than I ever have before...and that's as mushy as I'll get. I'll spare you any more sloppy feelings. This is the hard part, the part that's going to piss you off. If you've found this letter, then I guess I didn't come back and there's a good chance that I'm dead. I have no right, but I need to ask a final favor of you. I need you to make sure that if I've been turned, that you make sure that I don't rise again. None of the others could handle having to stake me. You're the only one I can trust. Please, Spike. Xander// Spike had dropped the letter and run to his room, pulling on his sun-cloak as he'd left the apartment. He didn't even know if he'd shut the door behind himself and he couldn't bring himself to care. Xander was out there performing some noble, bullshit sacrifice and Spike wasn't going to let it happen. He'd gone straight to the one being that would know where Xander had gone. The Cynon. The Cynon, who was currently cringing against the wall, stared at him with healthy amount of fear. "Where is Xander?" Spike demanded. "What did you send him up against?" The blue-skinned demon straightened a little. "I didn't send him anywhere. I merely gave him the information he desired. What he did with that information can hardly be construed as any fault of mine." "I'll construe it any way I damn well please." Spike lunged forward a bit for effect. "Start talking or start dying." "He came to me and I told him what he wanted to know. There are new vampires hiding in the Serenity Acres cemetery, a clan of Blorten demons moving through town on their southern migration path, and a few demons hiding out in the woods near the abandoned south cabin." "What demons are out in the woods?" asked Graham. "A small group of Kladdersh." Spike hissed. That explained it. Kladdersh demons were notoriously nasty, even aside from their interest in vampires as snack food. Xander had gone after them alone to protect him. Of all the stupid, suicidal, whiteknight gestures... "If anything's happened to him, I'm going to hunt you down and make your dying last a month." "Even if you find him in time, you may not save him." The Cynon looked from Spike to Graham and then back again. "I tasted his emotions. He is torn by the feelings inside himself, convinced that the love he feels is wrong, that it can only hurt him and the two of you. He didn't leave here dreading death. He was looking forward to it." "Motherfucker." Graham released Spike and took a step forward. "I should kill you now." No matter what the blue-eyed man might have tried to make Xander believe, he still loved him. It was there in the fear and the rage that filled his voice and gaze. "I didn't do that to him," the Cynon said. "The credit belongs to you, you and the situation and Xander's own delicious fears. If you don't realize that, you will gain nothing by saving him. He'll just find another way to escape, another way to die." Spike glared at the Cynon. He understood what the demon was saying, but all that had to wait until Xander was safe. "Pray to whatever it is that you serve that Xander is still alive." He shook Riley off and stalked out of the crypt. Behind him, he could hear Riley talking to Graham, persuading the other man to follow. When the two soldiers made it outside, Spike was waiting for them. He moved forward until he was right in Graham's face, staring up at the taller man. "You don't like me. Fine. I don't like you. Right now, all that means shit." Graham nodded. "Let's go get Xander." Spike raised an eyebrow approvingly. "Then let's get to your vehicle. I know where the cabin is." Graham drove with barely controlled desperation at speeds that almost made Spike nervous. The same need that drove Graham was also pounding through the vampire and the insane pace that Graham had set didn't seem to be nearly fast enough. The knowledge that Xander could be dying as they sped to reach him made him wish that the cheesy legends about vampires being able to fly were true. When they finally got within a mile of the cabin, Spike was out of the vehicle before it stopped moving. Graham and Riley took a moment to finish gearing up with weapons and then they were behind him. Spike held up his hand and listened to the wind. "The Kladdersh are in the woods. I can hear them moving. They don't like to be up during the day, so something must have drawn them out of the cabin." "Xander?" Graham asked. "I can't hear him out here. The Kladdersh are upset. I don't know what they're saying, but they sound pissed. I think Xander pushed them out of the cabin somehow and that they're planning to take it back." He stared off into the woods. The Kladdersh were angry and they wouldn't welcome a pair of humans into their territory. He, on the other hand, would be welcome. Snacks were always welcome. "We go hard, we go fast, and we get to the cabin." Graham's voice was firm. "Then we get Xander the hell out of there." Spike grinned savagely as he took in the blood-thirsty determination on the soldier's face. "Let's go." Luck was with them: the Kladdersh were so focused on muttering about whatever had happened at the cabin that they didn't even notice the three men moving through the woods. Spike made sure they stayed well away from the Kladdersh. He didn't fancy ending up an appetizer before he got the chance to shake Xander's teeth loose for coming up with a plan like this. Once they reached the clearing that surrounded the ramshackle cabin, Spike broke into a run, knowing that Riley and Graham would be right behind him. He lunged through the door, the sound of Xander's rapid heartbeat filling his ears. "Xander! Where the hell are you?" "Spike?" Xander voice, weary and surprised, drifted down from the upper floor. Graham was closer to the staircase, so he was the first one up the stairs. Spike followed him closely, managing to push past Riley. He and Graham ran to the first room on the right of the hall. Xander stood in the middle of the room, frowning. "What the hell are you guys doing here?" His face was streaked with dust and sweat and he swayed a little as he stared at them. Discarded weapons surrounded him and an empty duffel bag was tossed into a far corner. "What the hell are we doing?" Spike parroted back, tearing off his protective sun cloak. "You're the one on the suicide mission, pet." "How did...I don't know what you're talking about." Xander looked out the window. "Listen, there are Kladdersh out there, Spike. I can handle this. You'd better just get out of here. Riley, Gr-graham, this isn't your fight. You shouldn't be here." "You can handle this?" Graham shook his head. "Xander, there are demons out in the woods working themselves up to come back here and take their house back. You're not going to be able to beat that." "They're coming back?" Xander didn't look dismayed by that; instead, a little more life appeared in his eyes and he stood up straighter. "Then you definitely need to get out of here. I've got this under control. I've got a plan." Spike shook his head. Whatever plan Xander had wasn't going to happen. It no doubt ended with the demons being taken care of, but without Xander walking away. It was obvious: from the resigned slump to his shoulders to the way Xander refused to meet anyone's gaze, it was clear that Xander had given up. "It won't wash, luv. We're not leaving you behind. You're coming with us." Xander did look at Spike then. A bitter smile twisted his lips. "I'm not going anywhere. And you have -" he checked his watch "-two minutes to get out of here." "Why two minutes?" Riley asked. Spike felt a frisson of real fear. He'd heard stories about Xander, knew that the other man was willing to do what ever it took to protect his friends. He could be as ruthless as an alpha protecting his pack. In the past, he'd relied on pilfered napalm and..."Explosives." "Those, too," Xander agreed. "The two minutes is actually how long I think you have before the Kladdersh decide to rush the house and you'll either be killed by them or trapped in here. Being trapped would be bad because the explosives are set to go off in four minutes." He looked back at his watch. "Three minutes now. I'd suggest running." "Not without you," Graham said. "This really isn't any of your business. Spike, don't forget to take that cloak with you." He swallowed hard and looked at his watch. "One minute till they come back." Spike met Graham's gaze. He read exactly what he wanted to see in the soldier's eyes. "Right then," he said quietly. He bent down to pick up his cloak and pulled it on. "Are you sure you can handle this, luv?" he asked as he settled it into place. "You need to get out of here," Xander insisted. "And I'm going to be fine." His voice broke. Spike nodded once, then lunged forward and grabbed Xander, tossing the taller man up over his shoulder and running for the door. Xander cried out a protest and began to struggle immediately, but Spike just tightened his hold on him and continued to run down the stairs, Riley and Graham's footsteps a heavy echo just behind him. As he cleared the front door, he saw that the Kladdersh demons were finally staging an effort to retake the house. He turned quickly. "Give me some cover fire and then follow me out the back!" he ordered. This could work. If the Kladdersh followed them into the house... Graham and Riley please him by understanding exactly what he was thinking. A brief burst of gunfire behind him told him that the Kladdersh would be delayed, and then he was out the back door and down the rickety stairs. Xander fought to get free of his hold, but Spike ignored the warning twinges from the chip and just held him tighter, refusing to let him go. He heard the two humans get out of the house and then he was running, trying to outpace whatever explosives Xander had rigged. They almost made it. A terrific concussion of sound and force knocked Spike to his knees. Time seemed to slow down as he attempted to react. He tried to gentle Xander's fall, but the dark-haired man still slammed into the ground hard. Spike tried to cover Xander's body with his own, but Xander was writhing like a man possessed, yelling about shrapnel. Spike understood there would be shrapnel - that's why he wanted to make sure Xander was protected. Xander pulled one of his arms free and smashed his elbow into Spike's face. The pain caused Spike to flinch and that was all the opportunity Xander needed. He squirmed free... ...only to roll on top of Spike and pin the vampire to the ground. Spike realized dimly that Xander wasn't trying to get away. It took a few moments more for full understanding to penetrate the pain in his head: Xander was shielding *him*. Before Spike could react, debris began to rain down on them: parts of the cabin and parts of the Kladdersh fell indiscriminately from the sky. After a few seconds it was over. Spike pushed Xander off to the side. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he demanded, adjusting his hood to better shield his face. Xander didn't answer. His eyes were closed and he made no moved to get up. "Xan?" Spike touched his throat gently, searching for a heartbeat. It was there, slow and regular. "How is he?" Graham demanded, kneeling on the other side of Xander. Kladdersh innards stained one side of his pants and splinters of wood were caught in his hair. Splinters. Xander had been trying to protect him from the wood. "The bloody noble bastard's out cold." He gently pushed up Xander's shirt, hissing a little as the sight of the bruising. "He probably got hurt getting into the house." "Add that to the blast and no wonder he's out. He might have even gotten knocked over the head by some debris." Graham reached out and brushed some dust from Xander's hair. "He needs to be taken care of." "I'll take him back to his place. I can watch him there." Spike readied himself for a fight. Either Graham was going to want to take the boy to a hospital or he was going to try to take Xander home himself. He had to realize how big a mistake he'd made in letting Xander go. "I'm coming with you." Spike blinked. "To Xander's?" "Yeah. Ri, can you go back to base and cover for me there?" Riley nodded. "Are you sure?" "I need to do this. I'll be in contact soon." Graham pulled a few more splinters out of Xander's hair, then scooped the unconscious man into his arms. "I can take him," Spike protested, but not very hard. There was something in the way that Graham was looking at him, something in his gaze that looked like acceptance and maybe even anticipation. "I got him. Just make sure nothing eats us on the way back to the car." With Riley taking point and Spike bringing up the rear, they left the smoking remains of the cabin and headed for the SUV. Even as he cast an admiring glance at the wreckage - the dark-eyed man knew how to place explosives - Spike knew that things were nowhere near over yet. Xander's attempt at suicide by combat had to be dealt with, as did his relationship with Spike and that with Graham. They couldn't let things go or walk away any longer. Beyond that, there was that new look in Graham's eyes to deal with. Spike had a suspicion that things were about to get very interesting. ***** Spike strained against the arms that held him immobile, but he held his full strength in check. He didn't want to get free, not right then. He'd heard the soldiers threaten the Cynon with his violence and he was willing to play along. He was willing to do whatever it took to find Xander. He'd woken up to find Xander already gone. A note on the kitchen counter had told him that the dark-haired man was out running errands and that he'd be back soon. Spike had debated what to do while waiting; watch the telly, read a magazine, prank call the Slayer? He had decided that none of them suited his mood. He'd wanted to wake up and talk to Xander, make sure the other man wasn't too torn up about what had happened the night before. He knew Xander was going to take it to heart, knew that the boy was going to feel the rejection and the loss of Graham more than he should. Behind the laughing eyes, Xander hid a soul that felt too much, too deeply. He'd wanted to hold Xander and make sure that he was all right, to tell him he was loved and to get those dark eyes to smile for him once more. If he couldn't be near Xander, then he could at least immerse himself in the other man's presence. He'd probably never be able to live it down if anyone caught him at it, but he didn't care. He wanted to be with Xander and this was the next best thing. He had pushed open the closed door to Xander's bedroom, intending to spend time in the place that smelled and felt the most like the mortal. It was there that he'd found the letter with his name on it, waiting for him on the bed. //Spike- No matter how I write this, I know I'm going to end up pissing you off. I'm just going to beg you to read this all the way through before you do anything, all right? The first thing I have to tell you is thank you. Thank you for keeping me alive these past few weeks. I would have been dead a dozen times over without you there by my side. Thank you for watching out for me in other, smaller ways. If I hadn't had you to talk to, I probably would have ended up going out of my mind. You helped me to hold it together. You were a friend when I needed one most. The past few days have been something out of a secret dream for me. Thank you for giving me the chance to live it. You let me feel things I never thought I'd ever be able to, made me feel better and closer to love than I ever have before...and that's as mushy as I'll get. I'll spare you any more sloppy feelings. This is the hard part, the part that's going to piss you off. If you've found this letter, then I guess I didn't come back and there's a good chance that I'm dead. I have no right, but I need to ask a final favor of you. I need you to make sure that if I've been turned, that you make sure that I don't rise again. None of the others could handle having to stake me. You're the only one I can trust. Please, Spike. Xander// Spike had dropped the letter and run to his room, pulling on his sun-cloak as he'd left the apartment. He didn't even know if he'd shut the door behind himself and he couldn't bring himself to care. Xander was out there performing some noble, bullshit sacrifice and Spike wasn't going to let it happen. He'd gone straight to the one being that would know where Xander had gone. The Cynon. The Cynon, who was currently cringing against the wall, stared at him with healthy amount of fear. "Where is Xander?" Spike demanded. "What did you send him up against?" The blue-skinned demon straightened a little. "I didn't send him anywhere. I merely gave him the information he desired. What he did with that information can hardly be construed as any fault of mine." "I'll construe it any way I damn well please." Spike lunged forward a bit for effect. "Start talking or start dying." "He came to me and I told him what he wanted to know. There are new vampires hiding in the Serenity Acres cemetery, a clan of Blorten demons moving through town on their southern migration path, and a few demons hiding out in the woods near the abandoned south cabin." "What demons are out in the woods?" asked Graham. "A small group of Kladdersh." Spike hissed. That explained it. Kladdersh demons were notoriously nasty, even aside from their interest in vampires as snack food. Xander had gone after them alone to protect him. Of all the stupid, suicidal, whiteknight gestures... "If anything's happened to him, I'm going to hunt you down and make your dying last a month." "Even if you find him in time, you may not save him." The Cynon looked from Spike to Graham and then back again. "I tasted his emotions. He is torn by the feelings inside himself, convinced that the love he feels is wrong, that it can only hurt him and the two of you. He didn't leave here dreading death. He was looking forward to it." "Motherfucker." Graham released Spike and took a step forward. "I should kill you now." No matter what the blue-eyed man might have tried to make Xander believe, he still loved him. It was there in the fear and the rage that filled his voice and gaze. "I didn't do that to him," the Cynon said. "The credit belongs to you, you and the situation and Xander's own delicious fears. If you don't realize that, you will gain nothing by saving him. He'll just find another way to escape, another way to die." Spike glared at the Cynon. He understood what the demon was saying, but all that had to wait until Xander was safe. "Pray to whatever it is that you serve that Xander is still alive." He shook Riley off and stalked out of the crypt. Behind him, he could hear Riley talking to Graham, persuading the other man to follow. When the two soldiers made it outside, Spike was waiting for them. He moved forward until he was right in Graham's face, staring up at the taller man. "You don't like me. Fine. I don't like you. Right now, all that means shit." Graham nodded. "Let's go get Xander." Spike raised an eyebrow approvingly. "Then let's get to your vehicle. I know where the cabin is." Graham drove with barely controlled desperation at speeds that almost made Spike nervous. The same need that drove Graham was also pounding through the vampire and the insane pace that Graham had set didn't seem to be nearly fast enough. The knowledge that Xander could be dying as they sped to reach him made him wish that the cheesy legends about vampires being able to fly were true. When they finally got within a mile of the cabin, Spike was out of the vehicle before it stopped moving. Graham and Riley took a moment to finish gearing up with weapons and then they were behind him. Spike held up his hand and listened to the wind. "The Kladdersh are in the woods. I can hear them moving. They don't like to be up during the day, so something must have drawn them out of the cabin." "Xander?" Graham asked. "I can't hear him out here. The Kladdersh are upset. I don't know what they're saying, but they sound pissed. I think Xander pushed them out of the cabin somehow and that they're planning to take it back." He stared off into the woods. The Kladdersh were angry and they wouldn't welcome a pair of humans into their territory. He, on the other hand, would be welcome. Snacks were always welcome. "We go hard, we go fast, and we get to the cabin." Graham's voice was firm. "Then we get Xander the hell out of there." Spike grinned savagely as he took in the blood-thirsty determination on the soldier's face. "Let's go." Luck was with them: the Kladdersh were so focused on muttering about whatever had happened at the cabin that they didn't even notice the three men moving through the woods. Spike made sure they stayed well away from the Kladdersh. He didn't fancy ending up an appetizer before he got the chance to shake Xander's teeth loose for coming up with a plan like this. Once they reached the clearing that surrounded the ramshackle cabin, Spike broke into a run, knowing that Riley and Graham would be right behind him. He lunged through the door, the sound of Xander's rapid heartbeat filling his ears. "Xander! Where the hell are you?" "Spike?" Xander voice, weary and surprised, drifted down from the upper floor. Graham was closer to the staircase, so he was the first one up the stairs. Spike followed him closely, managing to push past Riley. He and Graham ran to the first room on the right of the hall. Xander stood in the middle of the room, frowning. "What the hell are you guys doing here?" His face was streaked with dust and sweat and he swayed a little as he stared at them. Discarded weapons surrounded him and an empty duffel bag was tossed into a far corner. "What the hell are we doing?" Spike parroted back, tearing off his protective sun cloak. "You're the one on the suicide mission, pet." "How did...I don't know what you're talking about." Xander looked out the window. "Listen, there are Kladdersh out there, Spike. I can handle this. You'd better just get out of here. Riley, Gr-graham, this isn't your fight. You shouldn't be here." "You can handle this?" Graham shook his head. "Xander, there are demons out in the woods working themselves up to come back here and take their house back. You're not going to be able to beat that." "They're coming back?" Xander didn't look dismayed by that; instead, a little more life appeared in his eyes and he stood up straighter. "Then you definitely need to get out of here. I've got this under control. I've got a plan." Spike shook his head. Whatever plan Xander had wasn't going to happen. It no doubt ended with the demons being taken care of, but without Xander walking away. It was obvious: from the resigned slump to his shoulders to the way Xander refused to meet anyone's gaze, it was clear that Xander had given up. "It won't wash, luv. We're not leaving you behind. You're coming with us." Xander did look at Spike then. A bitter smile twisted his lips. "I'm not going anywhere. And you have -" he checked his watch "-two minutes to get out of here." "Why two minutes?" Riley asked. Spike felt a frisson of real fear. He'd heard stories about Xander, knew that the other man was willing to do what ever it took to protect his friends. He could be as ruthless as an alpha protecting his pack. In the past, he'd relied on pilfered napalm and..."Explosives." "Those, too," Xander agreed. "The two minutes is actually how long I think you have before the Kladdersh decide to rush the house and you'll either be killed by them or trapped in here. Being trapped would be bad because the explosives are set to go off in four minutes." He looked back at his watch. "Three minutes now. I'd suggest running." "Not without you," Graham said. "This really isn't any of your business. Spike, don't forget to take that cloak with you." He swallowed hard and looked at his watch. "One minute till they come back." Spike met Graham's gaze. He read exactly what he wanted to see in the soldier's eyes. "Right then," he said quietly. He bent down to pick up his cloak and pulled it on. "Are you sure you can handle this, luv?" he asked as he settled it into place. "You need to get out of here," Xander insisted. "And I'm going to be fine." His voice broke. Spike nodded once, then lunged forward and grabbed Xander, tossing the taller man up over his shoulder and running for the door. Xander cried out a protest and began to struggle immediately, but Spike just tightened his hold on him and continued to run down the stairs, Riley and Graham's footsteps a heavy echo just behind him. As he cleared the front door, he saw that the Kladdersh demons were finally staging an effort to retake the house. He turned quickly. "Give me some cover fire and then follow me out the back!" he ordered. This could work. If the Kladdersh followed them into the house... Graham and Riley please him by understanding exactly what he was thinking. A brief burst of gunfire behind him told him that the Kladdersh would be delayed, and then he was out the back door and down the rickety stairs. Xander fought to get free of his hold, but Spike ignored the warning twinges from the chip and just held him tighter, refusing to let him go. He heard the two humans get out of the house and then he was running, trying to outpace whatever explosives Xander had rigged. They almost made it. A terrific concussion of sound and force knocked Spike to his knees. Time seemed to slow down as he attempted to react. He tried to gentle Xander's fall, but the dark-haired man still slammed into the ground hard. Spike tried to cover Xander's body with his own, but Xander was writhing like a man possessed, yelling about shrapnel. Spike understood there would be shrapnel - that's why he wanted to make sure Xander was protected. Xander pulled one of his arms free and smashed his elbow into Spike's face. The pain caused Spike to flinch and that was all the opportunity Xander needed. He squirmed free... ...only to roll on top of Spike and pin the vampire to the ground. Spike realized dimly that Xander wasn't trying to get away. It took a few moments more for full understanding to penetrate the pain in his head: Xander was shielding *him*. Before Spike could react, debris began to rain down on them: parts of the cabin and parts of the Kladdersh fell indiscriminately from the sky. After a few seconds it was over. Spike pushed Xander off to the side. "What the hell did you think you were doing?" he demanded, adjusting his hood to better shield his face. Xander didn't answer. His eyes were closed and he made no moved to get up. "Xan?" Spike touched his throat gently, searching for a heartbeat. It was there, slow and regular. "How is he?" Graham demanded, kneeling on the other side of Xander. Kladdersh innards stained one side of his pants and splinters of wood were caught in his hair. Splinters. Xander had been trying to protect him from the wood. "The bloody noble bastard's out cold." He gently pushed up Xander's shirt, hissing a little as the sight of the bruising. "He probably got hurt getting into the house." "Add that to the blast and no wonder he's out. He might have even gotten knocked over the head by some debris." Graham reached out and brushed some dust from Xander's hair. "He needs to be taken care of." "I'll take him back to his place. I can watch him there." Spike readied himself for a fight. Either Graham was going to want to take the boy to a hospital or he was going to try to take Xander home himself. He had to realize how big a mistake he'd made in letting Xander go. "I'm coming with you." Spike blinked. "To Xander's?" "Yeah. Ri, can you go back to base and cover for me there?" Riley nodded. "Are you sure?" "I need to do this. I'll be in contact soon." Graham pulled a few more splinters out of Xander's hair, then scooped the unconscious man into his arms. "I can take him," Spike protested, but not very hard. There was something in the way that Graham was looking at him, something in his gaze that looked like acceptance and maybe even anticipation. "I got him. Just make sure nothing eats us on the way back to the car." With Riley taking point and Spike bringing up the rear, they left the smoking remains of the cabin and headed for the SUV. Even as he cast an admiring glance at the wreckage - the dark-eyed man knew how to place explosives - Spike knew that things were nowhere near over yet. Xander's attempt at suicide by combat had to be dealt with, as did his relationship with Spike and that with Graham. They couldn't let things go or walk away any longer. Beyond that, there was that new look in Graham's eyes to deal with. Spike had a suspicion that things were about to get very interesting. ***** Xander rolled over and hissed as his head protested the movement. The pain roused him out of sleep and he opened his eyes slowly. As he opened his eyes, he frowned in puzzlement. He was in his room. Why? He'd set out to wipe out the Kladdersh demons and he'd held no illusions about his chances of survival. Memory slowly returned to him. He'd gathered up the supplies he'd wanted, then headed over to a crypt that was housing a half-dozen vampires. Old enough so that they knew him to be a friend of the Slayer, he'd woken them up and stood in the sunlight taunting them. He'd called them stupid and unimaginative, laughing at them for being held prisoner by sunlight when it was so easy to cover up and walk about free. A conveniently placed pile of tarps guaranteed that the vampires would grab them and try out the idea he'd just handed to them. They had chased him, just as he had been sure they would. He'd counted on the tarps to slow them down as they avoided the sun as best they could. Xander had led the angry vampires to the cabin the Kladdersh had moved into. The Kladdersh had been drawn outside by the noise and the promise of a mid-day snack. Everything had gone perfectly to plan. The Kladdersh went outside and ate the vampires, and while they were occupied Xander was able to take over the house, driving the demons away with bursts of gunfire. When the Kladdersh had retreated to the woods, Xander had placed the explosives and retreated to the upper floor, waiting for the Kladdersh to return. Waiting for the end. His eyes widened as he remembered how things had actually turned out. The last thing he could remember was fear pouring through his veins at the thought that Spike would be skewered by a chunk of wooden debris and end up dusted. He couldn't remember much after that thought. He was pretty sure the pounding in his head signaled that some piece of wood had caught him upside the head. He felt some of the fear return. What had happened to Spike? What had happened to Graham? Someone must have made it out all right, since he'd gotten back to his bedroom, but they could have been injured. God, what if they'd been hurt because of him? He dragged himself to his feet, groaning as the throbbing in his head intensified a thousendfold. The world swirled around him in sickening spirals and he had to close his eyes and swallow hard to fight down the nausea. After a few deep breaths, he walked to the doorway, moving slowly to compensate for his aching head. Just before he could grasp the door handle, the door to his bedroom swung open. Graham stared at him. "You're awake!" He turned and called over his shoulder, "He's awake," then turned back to face Xander. "How are you feeling?" "I..." Xander's words were washed away by another wave of nausea and he raised one of his hands to his aching head. "You shouldn't be out of bed," Graham scolded. "Come on, back in you go." A warm arm slid around Xander's waist and guided him back to the bed. Xander went along with it; it was get back into bed or collapse on the floor. The bed was softer. He watched in confusion as Graham arranged the blankets on top of him. "What's going on?" "How much do you remember?" There was poorly concealed anxiety in Graham's gaze. "Everything up to the point where my head got hit with a chunk of the house. I think it was a part of the house." "It was. You were out cold, so we brought you back here. Another hour of you not waking up and I was going to drag you to the hospital." "You're all right?" Xander looked the other man over carefully. He couldn't see any signs of injury. "I'm fine," Graham promised. Xander nodded vaguely. He wasn't sure if he was glad to be awake or not. He'd had it all planned so perfectly; he was going to solve the problem of the Kladdersh and all of his own problems at once. What was Graham doing here now? The soldier didn't want to have anything to do with him, so why had he saved Xander's life? Why was he playing concerned nurse? Xander's muddled thoughts brought another worry to his attention. "Where's Spike?" he asked, sitting bolt upright. He immediately regretted it as his head began to pound, but he did his best to ignore the pain. "Was he hurt?" "I'm fine." Spike was there at the other side of the bed, putting something on the nightstand before gently easing Xander back down onto the mattress. "Don't do that to yourself, pet. The worst any of us got was a bit of dust and splinters in the hair. You're the only one that got hurt." His expression darkened. "You're the only one who went off on his own looking for a fight he couldn't possibly win." Xander turned his face away, but that just left him facing Graham. There was nowhere he could escape to: any way he turned, he was going to be faced with a man he had betrayed. He couldn't figure out why they were there: how could they still care after what he'd done to them? He tried to burrow underneath his pillow and failed miserably to suppress the cry of pain the motion produced. The pillows were lifted away from his head and hands gripped his shoulders and pulled with steady insistence until he rolled back over onto his back. He kept his eyes stubbornly closed for a moment, then sighed and opened them. He deserved whatever they had to say to him. Maybe after they were done yelling they'd leave and he'd be able to figure out what he was going to do next. The explosives hadn't worked. He was going to have to try something else. Graham reached out and touched his temple carefully. "How bad's your head?" Xander blinked. Maybe his head injury was worse than he'd thought. Graham wasn't mad; he was worried. "I can handle it." "Drink this, luv." Spike held a glass of juice out to him. Xander took the glass and drank from it mechanically. Spike's anger was gone; only the barest hints of it remained in the tight set of his shoulders and the crease between his eyebrows. Xander couldn't figure out what they were waiting for. Did they want to make sure that he was all right and completely aware before laying into him? He reached over toward the night stand, intending to put down his glass, but Spike took it and did it for him. That was it. Now that the glass was gone, it was going to come. The final recriminations and then they'd both walk away from him, leaving him alone. He blinked hard and waited for it to start. Spike reached out and laid his hand on Xander's chest, right over his heart. "You had a nasty knock to the head, but you're going to be all right. The headache will pass and you'll be fine." On Xander's other side, Graham nodded his agreement. Xander couldn't take anymore. He had no idea what was going on and he couldn't just lay there and wonder when they were going to walk away. "What's going on?" he asked. "I explained that to you," Graham said, a worried frown creasing his brow. "You said you remembered everything up until you were knocked out." "What's going on now?" Xander knew that as soon as he pushed this Graham was going to walk away and he was never going to see him again, that Spike would finally release his hold on his anger and then the vampire would be gone as well. "Why are you here? Why are you acting like you care," he looked over at Spike, "and why are you hiding the fact that you're so pissed you're cursing the chip because you can't smash my face in?" Spike's hand bunched into a fist, rumpling the material of Xander's shirt. "I'm pissed because you didn't wait for me. You went off on your own and damn near got yourself killed because-" "Enough." Graham's single quiet word silenced Spike. As the vampire contritely smoothed out the wrinkles in Xander's shirt, Graham held Xander's gaze. "I'm here because I almost lost you. Forever, I mean. You almost died and I had to think about what life would be like if there was never any possibility that I'd ever see you again. Thinking about that made everything clear: I couldn't let you die, couldn't let you leave my life forever. That's why I came after you." Graham reached out and placed one hand over Xander's. "Riley and I opened your letter to Giles. That's how we found out and as soon as I realized what was happening I was out the door and looking for the blue demon." "I found my letter early," Spike said, moving his hand in soothing circles over Xander's chest. "Soon as I figured out you were up to something, I went after the Cynon. Ran into Graham and Riley at the crypt and then we all went looking for you. You know what happened when we found you." Xander thought he knew what they were trying to say, but he couldn't accept it. He must be misunderstanding them, letting useless hope twist their words. "But why are you still here?" he asked plaintively, needing them to make it plain so his stupid heart would let him hear the truth instead of his own foolish dreams. "We're here for the same reason that you went after the Kladdersh on your own instead of taking Spike," Graham said. "Love." He leaned forward and pressed his lips gently to Xander's in a sweet kiss. He sat back after a moment, barely giving Xander a chance to respond, but continued to hold Xander's hand between both of his own. "Exactly," Spike agreed. "Love." He moved forward and bent his head, covering Xander's lips with his own. Xander responded to Spike's kiss, wanting more of the gentle caress. It was amazing - Graham and Spike were both there, they were safe and they still cared about him and they weren't fighting or anything. It was unbelievable and perfect and all he'd ever wanted. Xander twisted away from Spike and tore his hand from Graham's grasp. "No," he said, shaking his head. "Xan, what's wrong?" Graham reached for him again. Shrinking away from the touch, Xander looked back and forth between the two men staring down at him. "Everything," he answered. "Everything is wrong. This isn't right. Neither of you want this. You're just over-reacting because you thought I was going to die. This isn't fair to either of you." "Xan-" Spike tried to speak, but Xander didn't give him a chance. "No! You don't want this. You're just putting up with it because you're scared. But as soon as you get over that, you're going to realize that you're stuck in a situation that you hate because I'm too weak to make up my mind." Xander closed his eyes. "Just stop and get out of here now, both of you." It would tear him apart when they left, but better it happen now then later. Losing them now would be nothing compared to what he would feel when they figured out that they couldn't live with him loving both of them. Right now they were willing to put up with his fucked up heart, but how long could that last? When they recovered from the fear of nearly losing him, they'd walk away and leave him and he didn't want to feel that, couldn't stand even contemplating it. "No." A single word spoken by two voices. Xander opened his eyes. "Go," he said. "I don't want you here." "Shame about that," Spike said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. "Because there's nowhere else I want to be." Graham sat down on the other side of the bed. "I feel the same way, Xander. I'm not going anywhere. We're going to find a way to work this out." Xander shook his head stubbornly. "You're both crazy." "Probably," Spike agreed. "But we'll worry about that later, too. Right now, you're going to finish this juice and sleep." He picked up the glass and held it out to Xander. Xander didn't want to take it, didn't want to take anything from either of them at that point, but his mouth was dry and the glass was half-full so he snatched it anyway. He drank it quickly and shoved the glass back at Spike. If the vampire was going to make him drink it, the vampire could also pick up after him. Spike took the glass and placed it back on the night stand. "Get some rest, and when you wake up I'll give you something to deal with the headache." He reached for Xander and ignored his resistance, pulling him into a tight embrace. "Almost lost you, luv," the vampire murmured. "Don't think I've ever been so scared." He turned his face and kissed Xander's neck, his jaw, his cheekbone. He leaned back and stared into Xander's eyes. "We're going to make things all right again, Xander. I promise you that." A brief kiss to his lips and then Spike released him and stood up. Before Xander had a chance to react to Spike's actions, Graham was there, one hand brushing over the top of Xander's hair and the other sliding around his waist, pulling him into another hug. He nuzzled at Xander's ear for a moment before whispering, "I felt something inside me start to curl up and die when I realized that I might not ever see you again. I know what's important now, Xander. It was almost too high a price, but I know now. I'm staying here and we're going to make things right. I swear we will." He brushed a kiss against the corner of Xander's mouth and stood as well. "We'll talk when you wake up." Xander sank deeper into the mattress as weariness tugged at him. He wanted to believe them, wanted so badly to trust in their voices and their touches and the way they held his gaze as though he was the only thing in the world that mattered. As he gave into sleep, Xander decided to believe for a little while. It couldn't hurt to pretend for a few moments that everything would work out. The last thing he was aware of as he drifted off was the sight of two men hovering at his bedside as though to stand sentry for him even in his dreams. ***** Finally sure that Xander was truly asleep rather than unconscious, Graham left the bedroom and headed for the phone in the living room. He would have liked to stay and watch Xander sleep and just reassure himself that the dark-haired man was breathing and alive, but he needed to make a phone call and he wasn't going to risk waking Xander. He picked up the phone and dialed. //Yes?// Riley picked up immediately on the other end. "He woke up," Graham said, not bothering to hid the relief in his voice. "He woke up and he's going to be all right." //Good. Do you need me to come back over?// "I think we'll be ok. I'll keep you posted. I'm going to hang around here and make sure...I'm just going to make sure." //Don't worry about it, Graham. I'll cover for you. I'll the major that you're monitoring the situation, if I have to.// Graham smiled. Riley had his back. Of course. "Thanks, Ri." //Just keep me informed and call if you need me.// "Will do." Graham hung up the phone and sank down on the couch. The past few hours had been hell. Waiting for Xander to wake up had nearly destroyed his nerves and having to keep Spike calm hadn't helped. The vampire had been torn between going back to the cemetery and killing the Cynon and pacing ceaselessly around Xander's room, gaze pinned on the unconscious man. Now that he knew that Xander was going to be all right, Graham allowed himself to relax, releasing the tension and fear that had driven him for the past few hours. He watched Spike put Xander's glass away in the dishwasher. Something pulled at his attention. "When you offered Xander something to help with his headache, you weren't talking about aspirin, were you?" The blond man watched him with speculation clear on his face. "No, I wasn't. The kind of headache he'll have when he wakes up, aspirin won't do him much good. Blood can take away his pain and I'm not going to let him hurt." The vampire lounged on one of the chairs. "A little blood can't hurt him. It won't turn him or change him; it heals him." The vampire stared at him mildly. "I would never hurt him." Graham sat up straighter. They'd manage to get along for the past few hours, mainly because they were too busy worrying about Xander to do anything else. It looked like the temporary truce was over. Fine. It was time to end this. "Are you trying to imply that I would hurt him?" "I don't have to imply it. You already have." Graham looked down at his hands. The vampire was right. He knew he'd hurt Xander, hurt him badly when he'd walked away from him in the cemetery, but he'd been hurting himself. He wasn't proud of what had happened then, but he wasn't going to just give up. He'd made a horrible mistake and it had almost cost him Xander. He wasn't so stupid that he could make the same mistake twice. "I know that. I also know what I could have lost. I'm not going to risk that again." He looked back up at Spike. "So no more walking out on him?" Spike's gaze was serious. "As long as he wants me near, as long as he'll let me be here, I'm not going anywhere." He couldn't stop it from coming out as a challenge. "I love him." Spike held his gaze for several moments. "Fine. So do I. Where does that leave us?" Graham knew he couldn't fall back on accusing Spike of lying. He'd seen the vampire be willing to fight, kill, and die to protect Xander. Spike did love him. Graham could also admit that he understood what Xander saw in Spike: not only was the vampire protective and a good friend to the dark-haired man, but he was also the sexiest thing in leather to cross Graham's path in a long time. Involuntarily, he felt himself begin to flush as he studied the curve of the other man's mouth. Spike rose to his feet and crossed the short distance to join Graham on the couch. "We've got to come to an understanding," he said quietly. "Now. Otherwise, we're not going to be able to do anything to help Xander." "What kind of understanding?" Graham was finding it difficult to think rationally with Spike sitting so close. He could smell the leather of the ever-present duster and the blue gaze that held his own was even more powerful up close. "Humans," Spike muttered. "Do you always have to make everything so hard? You love Xander. I love Xander." His eyes darkened as he deliberately looked Graham up and down. "And you're not so bad yourself. You helped me get past some very boring hours while I was locked up inside your damned base." Graham blinked. "What?" He could feel himself reacting to Spike's blatant perusal, lust stirring within him as a result of the other man's nearness. "Had to occupy my thoughts somehow, didn't I? Vengeance fantasies are well and good, but they got boring after the third day. Fantasies about blue-eyed soldiers, now - those can keep me occupied much longer. I saw you in the hall right after I was brought in. I saw you and I wanted you and I remembered you. Most fun I had in that place was thinking of you and putting on a show for the camera." Struggling to swallow with a throat gone suddenly dry, Graham forced himself to reply. "You weren't just performing for the camera. I was watching." "You were?" Looking very pleased, Spike moved closer. "Every chance I got. If I had a single shift in the observation room, I'd rewind the tape, so I could watch it again and again." The admission wasn't hard to make, not with Spike smiling at him like that, hunger so evident in his eyes. "I wanted to watch you. I wanted you, too." He didn't have to wait for Spike's reaction. The vampire slowly leaned forward, clearly telegraphing his intentions. Graham didn't try to stop him; instead, when Spike's lips brushed over his own he welcomed the kiss. It was hesitant and uncertain and when Spike sat back Graham wasn't sure if he was sorry it was over or not. He stared at Spike for a moment, then it was his turn to lean forward. He pressed his mouth to Spike's, the kiss that they'd just shared giving him the confidence he needed to deepen the caress, licking at Spike's lips. The blond man responded willingly, parting his lips and inviting Graham's tongue inside to play with his own That was all it took for the lust Graham had so carefully buried to emerge full-blown and nearly out of control. He wrapped one arm around Spike to pull him closer and was met with strength greater than he'd expected. Not that Spike was resisting; instead, he was pushing closer to Graham, seeking more contact with him as the kiss deepened. Cool fingers twining in his hair, Graham slid his arms inside of Spike's duster, hands wandering over the wiry muscle of the vampire's back. It felt hot and exciting and far more right than he'd ever imagined it could. It wasn't like it was with Xander but that was all right because it was good in a different way. It was the thought of Xander that brought Graham back to his senses. He wrenched away from Spike, pulling his arms free and staring at the vampire. He shook his head. "What was that?" "That was promising," Spike said. "I think you'll work out just fine, pet." Graham stared at him. It couldn't be that simple. He and Spike kiss and everything is all right? "It doesn't work like that." "Why the hell can't it?" Spike stood up and paced irritably. "I'm not saying life is going to be roses and puppies from now on, but life never is. I'm saying that we've got a start. You're a nice bit of all right and I'm not feeling any urgent need to gut you. We both love Xander and I'm willing to admit that I could easily begin to care about you." He came to a stop and glared down at Graham. "Stop thinking about it. Thinking can't solve this. Just feel." Graham stared at him, tracing his gaze over the vampire's lean body. He knew he wanted Spike, had known ever since he first saw the blond man. He'd been angry when he realized that Spike was competing with him for Xander's attention, but he'd never wanted the other man dead. Now that he knew how much Spike really did love Xander, he couldn't hate the vampire. He licked his lips. "We both love Xander." "We both want each other." Graham nodded slowly. "So long as we agree that whatever happens, we don't let it hurt Xander." "Or each other," Spike added. "I don't want to hurt you either, pet." A small smile tugging at his lips, Graham nodded. "I don't want to hurt you, so I guess we're even." He smiled at Spike, then glanced over at the door to Xander's bedroom. "How long before he's awake again, do you think?" "Soon, I hope. He needs to rest, but I'd feel when I've given him a drink. Then I'll know he's going to be all right." He sat down next to Graham once more, glancing side long at him. "You know that it won't hurt him. I'd never do anything to hurt him." Graham nodded. "At least that's something we can agree on. Neither of us would ever do anything to hurt him." "Are you sure about that, pet?" Spike's stare was frankly skeptical. ***** Spike watched Graham react to his comment, surprise blooming in his blue eyes as he realized that Spike was doubting him. He knew it was risky to do this so soon after he and Graham had made fragile peace between them, but he couldn't let this go. He had to make sure that Graham was truly committed to this before he let him get anywhere near Xander's heart again. He also had to do this to protect himself; he was under no illusions about his own tendencies to become attached quickly and he had no desire to be hurt. Well, not hurt like that, anyway. Graham leaned forward. "I know I was wrong for what I said to him. I was hurt and not thinking and now that I've almost lost him I'm never going to make that same mistake again. I'm going to do whatever it takes to make it up to him." "Damn right you're going to, but that's not what I'm talking about." Graham's Jaw tightened. "In case you've forgotten, I'm not the soulless demon here. I'm not likely to hurt Xander just for the sheer fun of it." Spike inclined his head in acknowledgement of the point. "Since this particular soulless demon loves him, that's not something to worry about." "Quit dancing around whatever you're trying to say and just say it. I thought we were getting past this." "We will be, pet. Just as soon as I'm sure that you're not going to spit on Xander's love again, we'll be just fine." "Haven't you heard anything I said? I'm not going to hurt Xander. I love him." "Fine. And when your Initiative decides that the crisis here is finished and they tell you to head back out to the jungle for another two years, what are you going to do then? Kiss Xan and me good-bye and promise to come up and visit us when you've built up enough leave time?" Graham blinked. It was obvious that he hadn't really thought about it. Not giving him a chance to recover, Spike leaned forward to get into the other man's face. "Are you really going to convince him to trust you, to give you his love and then walk away from him and tell him to wait for you? After everything he's been through, I'm sure he'd be just fine with having little or no word from you, never knowing if you're alive or hurt. It's a completely fair and reasonable request to make, asking him to live without you and worry in exchange for spending a few weeks a year with you." Spike had to consciously force himself to lower his voice. He had more than a few abandonment issues himself and he didn't want to wake Xander up with them. He cut off his words and watched Graham closely, waiting for a reaction. Graham leaned back against the couch and closed his eyes. "I hadn't even thought that far ahead," he said quietly. "I never thought there could be anything with Xander, you know? He was with Anya and then he'd never be interested and then there was you...it just never seemed like I needed to think about this because it was never going to matter." "Then think about it now. It matters. You can't play with Xander." "Or with you." One blue eye opened briefly and looked directly at him. "You're a part of this as well." Spike was pleasantly surprised. Graham was proving to be more perceptive then he'd given him credit for. "Oh, sometimes I like to be played with," he said with a faint leer, willing to lighten up now that he had Graham's attention. "But not like this, no." "I'm going to get out of the Initiative." "I can't see transferring into another part of the military as helping. You'll be more accessible, but there's still no base in Sunnydale. You'll still be too distant." "No, I mean I'm going to get out of the service altogether." It was Spike's turn to blink in surprise. He hadn't expected that. "Isn't that a big step?" "Yeah, but it's been coming for a while. I stayed because someone has to do the job and I'm good at it. Besides, I didn't have anything else tying me to anywhere else. Now I've got two very compelling reasons to stay in Sunnydale and I can keep on doing the same work." Spike nodded, allowing his pleasure to show on his face. It was exactly what he wanted to hear, but he had a few more questions before he'd be completely satisfied. "I'll admit to not knowing much about it, but isn't it difficult to get out of the military? Don't you have to serve out terms?" "Not in the Initiative. It's a special assignment, for volunteers only. I can get out at anytime; there's always a list of guys more eager than they are bright trying to get in with the special unit. The work is too dangerous to allow any sort of burn-out, so getting out is just a matter of signing non-disclosure agreements and I'm on my way." He sat up and met Spike's gaze seriously. "I didn't have much else to do with my life. I'm good at fighting monsters and Riley was still in the unit so it was the best thing I had going." "Riley's still in the unit." Spike understood the power the familiar could have over a person. He figured that the closeness offered by the military unit was like what he'd experienced living with Angelus and Dru. He knew how that closeness could call to a person and he didn't want to risk Graham not being able to go without it. It was all well and good for Graham to be able to get out, but he had to be able to stay out and he could be drawn back in by Riley. Graham shook his head. "Not for long. His heart went out of it when he left Buffy. He's not going to leave again. I think Xander convinced him to try to talk to Buffy, to see if they can give things another try." "What if she won't take him back?" Spike didn't feel any real worry over beyond how it could effect Graham. He had no regrets over running Riley off. In love or not, he was still the Big Bad. "Then he'll do something else. Neither of us finished grad school and I know I'd like to. I'll find something to do that will let me stay with Xander." Graham smiled a little. "That will let me stay with you." Spike allowed himself to smile back. He knew this wasn't going to be easy. Humans were funny about love even under normal circumstances. Guiding Xander and Graham through the ins and outs of a three-way relationship was going to be hard, but if Graham was committed to making it work then they actually had a chance. Xander was definitely worth it and he was beginning to believe that Graham was, too. "You know this isn't going to be easy, don't you, pet?" Spike finally let himself relax back into the chair. "I mean, beyond the obvious. Xander hasn't had any luck at all with love. Add in the fact that his friends hate me and don't really like the Initiative much and we've got an interesting time ahead of us." Graham groaned. "I don't want to think about that. Convincing Xander to go along with this is going to be hard enough, without worrying about everyone else." A small grin played around the corners of his mouth. "I think we should try convincing him while he's still feeling the effects of the head injury. It might make things easier." Spike laughed. "You've noticed how stubborn he can be, then." Another thought occurred to him and he leered at Graham. "Since we're getting to know each other better, pet, there are a few more things I'd like to ask." "Are you sure you wouldn't just rather I show you?" Graham leered right back at him. Better and better. "In time, yeah. This is something we actually need to talk about, though. How much experience do you have with men?" Graham shrugged. "Enough, I guess. I haven't had many long term relationships. Being in the military doesn't make being gay easy." He grinned a little. "I put my special training to use, though, so I've been far from lonely in the past. There's not too much I haven't done." He shot Spike a challenging look. "What about you?" Spike as sprawled in the chair as provocatively as he could, loving the way Graham's gaze was focused completely upon him. "Me? Pet, I'm a vampire. Humans don't even have words for some of the things I've tried." He shifted a little in his chair, keeping Graham's attention. "Gender doesn't make a difference to us. Hell, species is little more than a passing concern. I think I can pretty much cover any gaps in your knowledge." Graham swallowed hard. "Can't wait," he answered with darkened eyes. "What about Xander?" "Oh, I'll show him, too," Spike promised. "That's not what I meant," Graham said. "I know." Spike decided to stop teasing the other man. "Xander doesn't have any experience with men. No one in his little group of friends can keep a secret and I'm sure it would have come up by now. He's been involved with nonhumans before, so that won't be too much of stretch for him, but everything about sex with men will be new for him." "Then we'll just have to take things as slowly as he needs us to and show him everything he wants us to." Graham grinned. "And I know I'll want you to show me things." Spike decided Graham deserved a reward for answering all the questions basically the way that Spike wanted him to. He stood up and shifted over to sitting on the couch, leaning into Graham's space. "I'll show you anything you want," he promised, leaning forward to flick his tongue over the blue-eyed man's lower lip. Warm hands immediately clasped his shoulder and pulled him closer and he went willingly, resting his weight against Graham's chest and delving deeper into the other man's mouth, kissing him with curiosity and desire. The warmth was like Xander, but the similarity ended there. Graham was far more aggressive, more confident, and he tasted nothing like Xander. Not that any of that was bad; it was different and delicious and Spike wanted more. He slid his hands down to the hem of Graham's shirt, but before he could make a move to remove it, a sound from the other room distracted him. He pulled away from Graham for a moment to listen better. A few seconds later and he was sure. He kissed Graham once more, hard, and then sat up. "Xander's awake." ***** "Mrrrf." Xander rubbed his cheek against the pillow and reluctantly opened his eyes. He looked around the bedroom and found it empty. He sighed. No Spike, no Graham. It must have been a dream when he thought he'd seen them here. Disappointed, he closed his eyes again. He could just go back to sleep, then, and try to get back into that dream. Wait. He'd done this before. His eyes snapped back open. He'd woken up before and Spike and Graham had been here. He rolled over and sat up, wincing as he did so. He felt battered inside and out. His head hurt, but he thought the throbbing was due to the Cynon's tampering than whatever had knocked him out. Rubbing wearily at his temple, he swung his legs over the side of his bed. Dream or not, Graham and Spike weren't with him now and he had to get up and moving. If he wasn't dead, then he had to get back to the business of living. First thing on the list: downing a bottle of aspirin. He shoved himself to his feet, hissing a little as the aches and pains caught up with him. Even worse was the way the feeling of rejection and loneliness that pressed down on him, making his heart and his limbs feel heavy. He was so focused on the way he felt that the voice that came from the doorway startled him completely. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Spike glared at him. "Get back in bed." Xander was surprised enough that he overbalanced and sat down heavily on the bed. He could see Graham standing just behind Spike. It was really no dream, then. He was confused; he still wasn't quite sure why both men were there. They should have had enough time to get over their fear from his near-death and come to their senses and left. That in mind, he glared mutinously at both of them. "I don't want to sleep anymore. I'm awake and I'm thirsty and I'm going to get up." He realized that he was wearing nothing more than boxer shorts and his T-shirt. "I need to get dressed." Spike looked ready to stand in the door all day, but Graham grasped his shoulder and pulled him away, then reached out to close the door, leaving Xander alone in his room. Xander blinked. He hadn't expected Spike to give in without a fight. He hurried and pulled on a pair of sweat pants, then took a moment to steady himself. He was feeling an urge to crawl back into bed and hide until the two men went away, but he couldn't do that. He had to go out there and find out why they were so damn determined to stay in a place where they couldn't really want to be. He opened up the door and walked into the living room. Graham was sitting on the couch and Spike was leaning against a wall, obviously waiting for him to come out. Xander braced himself for another argument about why they should be gone. He never got the chance to start in on his reasons why they should leave, though. Spike was instantly at his side, cool fingers brushing lightly over Xander's forehead. "How's the head, luv? Does it hurt much?" "Yeah." Xander realized he might have given them reason to stay, so he added a quick amendment, "Not too much, though." "Right." Spike's direct glare told him that the vampire didn't believe him for a moment. "Sit down and I'll get you something to take care of the pain." He led Xander over to the couch and had him sit down beside Graham. "I can take care of myself. I'm fine. You two can go." "Not a chance," Graham said quietly, a warm presence by Xander's side. "I told you that I'm not going anywhere, Xander. I don't want to lose you. I'm not making the same mistake again." When Xander tried to object again, Graham shook his head and hesitantly laid his hand over Xander's. "I don't expect you to trust me right away. I know that I have to earn that right back. I will do it. There's nothing I want more." Xander searched Graham's blue eyes carefully, but all he saw was sincerity and hope and love. There was no deception, no lingering resentment, just truth. He felt the couch dip slightly on his other side and found Spike looking at him with the same expression. All his resolve to force them to leave began to waver. When Spike took his other hand and raised it to his lips at the same time Graham kissed the back of his neck, Xander gave in. He was probably going to regret this in the future. This was crazy and foolish and they were all going to end up hurt in the end...but for right now, he couldn't care. Graham and Spike were both here and they loved him and for the moment that was enough. It was all he needed or wanted and he was going to accept it for as long as it lasted. He relaxed back against Graham, boneless and trusting in his arms. At the same time, he turned his hand in Spike's grasp to cup the vampire's cheek. "You win," he said quietly. "You both win." "No, luv," Spike said gently. "We all win." "All of us," Graham agreed, kissing the side of Xander's neck. Xander winced a little as his head reminded him just how badly it ached. He was willing to ignore it, though. He was being held by the two people he care about most in the world; what was a headache compared to that? Spike apparently disagreed. He caught sight of the wince and his hands were instantly cradling Xander's head in a gentle grip. "Head still hurting, luv?" Xander shrugged. "More from the Cynon than anything else, I think. I've been hit in the head a few times before and this feels different." "Let me take care of that for you." Spike pulled a knife out of his boot, flourishing the blade to catch the light from the lamp in flashing glints. He put the point against the delicate skin of his wrist. "Ready?" Xander froze. How was Graham going to react to this? Letting Spike drink his blood was one thing; drinking vampire blood was something altogether different. Spike and Graham had come to some sort of understanding and this could ruin it all. Warm lips brushed his ear. "Go ahead. I don't want you to be hurting. It's all right." Graham tightened his arms around Xander's middle. Xander relaxed and nodded, holding Spike's gaze. "Please," he said simply. He watched as Spike sliced deeply into his own flesh, dark blood quickly welling up out of the gash. He lifted Spike's wrist to his lips and fastened his mouth over the cut, drinking deeply as blood rushed to the surface. Again, he was surprised by how easy it was to swallow. There was the metallic taste he knew from tasting his own blood from a hundred different skirmishes at Buffy's side, but there was so much more. Power and seduction in a heavy liquid that slid smoothly down his throat...and then Spike was tugging his wrist away. With a final reluctant lick, Xander released the vampire's arm. Blue eyes dark, Spike ran his tongue over the gash. "Give it just a few minutes and then you'll be much better." He leaned forward and kissed Xander deeply. Feeling slightly dazed, Xander responded eagerly, wanting to taste more of Spike however he could. He protested when Spike pulled away, but Graham was there immediately to take the vampire's place and his protests died away under the assault of warm lips and a tentative curious tongue. When he finally drew away from Graham, Xander's headache was rapidly disappearing. Still leaning back against Graham, Xander watched with wide eyes as Spike once again drew near to him. This time, the vampire didn't even attempt to kiss him. Instead, Spike passed him by completely in favor of kissing Graham. Breath coming faster, Xander watched as Spike pushed Graham further back against the couch, watched as Graham countered with a hand sliding up under the hem of Spike's black shirt. It was strange to see them together. Strange and arousing as hell. He watched with growing appreciation and lust as they moved against each other, bumping against him in the process. Finally, the kiss came to an end and Graham and Spike broke apart to look over at him. "Wow," he said. "Um, when did this happen?" Graham's expression was a little shy. "Just a little while ago, actually. We both admitted to a few facts we'd been denying." "Like wanting to shag each other," Spike added. "Yeah," Graham agreed. "You're sure?" Xander asked. This was amazing. He hadn't imagined...all right, maybe in a few fantasies he wouldn't have admitted to previously he had imagined, but he'd never really believed that Spike and Graham could ever do anything except quietly loathe each other. Spike leered at Graham. "Oh, I'm very sure." Xander kissed Spike hard, then did the same to Graham. Spike sat back up, giving Graham and Xander both a little more room. Xander settled more fully against Graham's chest. "So what happens now?" Graham sighed and wrapped his arms around Xander once more. "I'm going to quit the Initiative, for starters." "What?" Xander tried to turn around, but Graham held him fast. "It's time. I was only staying in because I had nowhere better to be and I was good at my job. I've found someplace that I'd rather be." He nuzzled at Xander's ear. "It's not a hard choice to make. You're here. Spike's here. This is where I'm going to be. Besides, I want to stay and help make sure that Sunnydale doesn't go up in flames. I want to stay here and discover everything about both of you and what we can have together." Xander pinched his own arm. "Ow!" "Why the hell would you do that?" Spike asked, catching Xander's hands and holding them between his own. "Just checking. I had to make sure that I wasn't dreaming." "Does this feel like a dream?" Graham asked, slipping his hands under Xander's shirt and smoothing them up over his stomach. Xander shivered deliciously. "I'm not sure..." He let his voice trail off plaintively. Spike didn't disappoint him. The blond man moved in on Xander with a look of animal pleasure and anticipation. He knelt up on the couch to loom over Xander. "Does this feel like a dream?" he asked, then leaned down and claimed Xander's lips. Xander arched up into the caress, writhing against Graham as warm hands slowly wandered up his chest. Xander reached out to pull Spike down to rest against him, craving more contact. He grasped the hem of Spike's shirt and pulled upwards, impatient to see and feel more skin. Spike cooperated and allowed him to tear the shirt away. Graham took that as encouragement and worked Xander's shirt off as well. Thoroughly pleased by this, Xander dropped his hands to the fastening of Spike's jeans. He'd dreamed of Spike and Graham, fantasized about being free to touch and explore and love them for so long that he was impatient to finally begin. Nothing was enough: not Spike's lips at his throat, not Graham's tongue in his ear. He had to have more. When Spike's hands interfered with his purpose, Xander growled impatiently. Spike wasn't fazed by it; he just held Xander's hands tighter. "Xan, wait, luv." "I can wait later," Xander said. "Right now there are things I'd really rather be doing." "Xander, slow down." Xander froze. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," Graham said reassuringly. "Good." Now that was settled, Xander returned to important matters, like getting Spike out of his jeans. Then he could move on to the equally important task of getting Graham out of his clothes, too. "Xander!" Spike grabbed his hands once more. "What?" Spike laughed. "You're making it very difficult to take this slow." "Who the hell wants to take things slow?" Xander was beginning to get confused. Graham shifted behind him. "Xander, I...we don't want to push you into anything. I mean, being with a guy, much less two guys, is different than being with a woman. I understand that you might need some time to get used to things, and we'll give you as much time as you need. You don't have to prove anything to us." Spike nodded throughout the speech, throwing his support in with Graham. Xander blinked. It took a few seconds for the reason behind their hesitation to sink in. When he finally realized what they though, he began to laugh. He pushed himself up and off of Graham, forcing Spike to move over. He slid off the couch, turning as he did, so that he was kneeling on the floor, facing the two men on the couch. He managed to get his laughter under control as he stared up at their obvious confusion. "Guys, I'm touched that you'd worry about me like that, but you don't have to. I'm not a blushing virgin here." "Anyone who was every anywhere near Anya knows that, Xan," Spike said. "But-" "Not inexperienced with women," Xander agreed patiently. "And not with men, either." He watched the surprise bloom on their faces, feeling fairly satisfied. He'd never told anyone about the man he'd met while working in Oxnard. The green-eyed man had been watching Xander shake his little tush on the catwalk of the Fabulous Ladies' Nightclub. He'd caught Xander's eye and they'd spoken on one of his breaks. He'd been calling himself Alex, and he was pretty sure 'Alan's' name wasn't his usual either. That hadn't detracted at all from the charm of Alan's sense of humor or Irish accent. They'd been friends, nothing more, but that meant their explorations in bed had been filled with laughter and gentleness and fun. Xander had learned a lot and enjoyed every moment of it. He had left Oxnard after he had enough money to fix his car, and Alan had to return to Los Angeles - something about working for the power company, or something. Xander hadn't seen him again, but he still thought of him fondly and hoped he was well. The brown-eyed man shook himself loose from his memories and focused back on the two men on the couch. He frowned. They both looked confused, and Spike was beginning to look pissed. "What?" "Who was it?" Spike demanded. Xander got ready to make a joke about Spike's possessiveness, but then he watched as Graham's lip curled up in a snarl. "Guys? What is this?" "None of your friends ever mentioned you being with a guy before," Spike said, ignoring the question. "Because I never told them." He hadn't wanted to share that with the rest of the Scoobies. He'd kept the truth about his job at the club and Alan to himself. It wasn't something he was ready to share. He'd wanted to protect it by keeping it private. "So who was it?" Graham was definitely snarling. Xander decided that he was going to keep Alan's name to himself. He had no idea how to find the Irishman, but he wasn't going to give either Spike or Graham the chance to go looking for him. "No one you know. I haven't seen him in over a year, and I don't think I ever will again." He held up a hand to stop the questions he could read in both pairs of blue eyes. "He was a friend. We had a lot of fun and I learned a lot and it's over now." The fire didn't go out of either man's eyes and Xander decided that he was never going to mention Alan again. He licked his lips, trying to think of a way to distract them. Spike growled and hauled Xander up onto the couch, roughly teasing Xander's lips apart with his own in a bruising kiss. Just as Xander was getting dizzy from lack of oxygen, Spike pushed him away - straight into Graham's waiting arms. Xander gasped a bit and then wrapped his arms around Graham's neck, sinking his hands into the other man's hair as he kissed him. He felt Spike's hands tugging at his sweats and wriggled happily. At first the sound he was hearing didn't make any sense to him. It took him a few moments to figure out that the high-pitched tone was his doorbell. He wrenched his face to the side, breaking the kiss with Graham. "Shit." "Maybe if we ignore them they'll go away," Graham suggested. "Xander? Are you in there?" Willow's voice was muffled as she called through the door. "Shit," Spike said. "Maybe we can stay quiet enough to make her think we're not here?" "No good," Xander groaned, pushing himself up and off of Graham. "She's got a key." He grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled it back on, then tried to smooth his hair back down. "Get yourselves together," he said, heading for the door, even as he heard Willow's key slide home in the lock. Title: Uncommon Distractions Author: Kay Email: kaygrr@hotmail.com Feedback: Please? Because watching a grown girl cry is just pathetic. Website: ssfdu.tripod.com/kay/journal.htm (love for Sandy) Archive: Just let me know, eh? Fandom: Buffy Pairing: (Xander/Graham) + (Xander/Spike) = Xander/Graham/Spike Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: Mine? What? *These*? No, they're Mutant Enemy's. They just followed me home and wouldn't leave until I played with them. Spoilers: The last season of Buffy. The incident with Glory, and the ep "The Body". (Look at me, trying to be vague). And that ugly rumor about Spike and a certain blond slayer? Never happened. Summery: Graham and Riley are called back to Sunnydale when the area destabilizes. When they return, they discover there are new factors in lives of the Scooby Gang, especially in Xander and Spike's. Part 18/? "Mrrrf." Xander rubbed his cheek against the pillow and reluctantly opened his eyes. He looked around the bedroom and found it empty. He sighed. No Spike, no Graham. It must have been a dream when he thought he'd seen them here. Disappointed, he closed his eyes again. He could just go back to sleep, then, and try to get back into that dream. Wait. He'd done this before. His eyes snapped back open. He'd woken up before and Spike and Graham had been here. He rolled over and sat up, wincing as he did so. He felt battered inside and out. His head hurt, but he thought the throbbing was due to the Cynon's tampering than whatever had knocked him out. Rubbing wearily at his temple, he swung his legs over the side of his bed. Dream or not, Graham and Spike weren't with him now and he had to get up and moving. If he wasn't dead, then he had to get back to the business of living. First thing on the list: downing a bottle of aspirin. He shoved himself to his feet, hissing a little as the aches and pains caught up with him. Even worse was the way the feeling of rejection and loneliness that pressed down on him, making his heart and his limbs feel heavy. He was so focused on the way he felt that the voice that came from the doorway startled him completely. "What the hell do you think you're doing?" Spike glared at him. "Get back in bed." Xander was surprised enough that he overbalanced and sat down heavily on the bed. He could see Graham standing just behind Spike. It was really no dream, then. He was confused; he still wasn't quite sure why both men were there. They should have had enough time to get over their fear from his near-death and come to their senses and left. That in mind, he glared mutinously at both of them. "I don't want to sleep anymore. I'm awake and I'm thirsty and I'm going to get up." He realized that he was wearing nothing more than boxer shorts and his T-shirt. "I need to get dressed." Spike looked ready to stand in the door all day, but Graham grasped his shoulder and pulled him away, then reached out to close the door, leaving Xander alone in his room. Xander blinked. He hadn't expected Spike to give in without a fight. He hurried and pulled on a pair of sweat pants, then took a moment to steady himself. He was feeling an urge to crawl back into bed and hide until the two men went away, but he couldn't do that. He had to go out there and find out why they were so damn determined to stay in a place where they couldn't really want to be. He opened up the door and walked into the living room. Graham was sitting on the couch and Spike was leaning against a wall, obviously waiting for him to come out. Xander braced himself for another argument about why they should be gone. He never got the chance to start in on his reasons why they should leave, though. Spike was instantly at his side, cool fingers brushing lightly over Xander's forehead. "How's the head, luv? Does it hurt much?" "Yeah." Xander realized he might have given them reason to stay, so he added a quick amendment, "Not too much, though." "Right." Spike's direct glare told him that the vampire didn't believe him for a moment. "Sit down and I'll get you something to take care of the pain." He led Xander over to the couch and had him sit down beside Graham. "I can take care of myself. I'm fine. You two can go." "Not a chance," Graham said quietly, a warm presence by Xander's side. "I told you that I'm not going anywhere, Xander. I don't want to lose you. I'm not making the same mistake again." When Xander tried to object again, Graham shook his head and hesitantly laid his hand over Xander's. "I don't expect you to trust me right away. I know that I have to earn that right back. I will do it. There's nothing I want more." Xander searched Graham's blue eyes carefully, but all he saw was sincerity and hope and love. There was no deception, no lingering resentment, just truth. He felt the couch dip slightly on his other side and found Spike looking at him with the same expression. All his resolve to force them to leave began to waver. When Spike took his other hand and raised it to his lips at the same time Graham kissed the back of his neck, Xander gave in. He was probably going to regret this in the future. This was crazy and foolish and they were all going to end up hurt in the end...but for right now, he couldn't care. Graham and Spike were both here and they loved him and for the moment that was enough. It was all he needed or wanted and he was going to accept it for as long as it lasted. He relaxed back against Graham, boneless and trusting in his arms. At the same time, he turned his hand in Spike's grasp to cup the vampire's cheek. "You win," he said quietly. "You both win." "No, luv," Spike said gently. "We all win." "All of us," Graham agreed, kissing the side of Xander's neck. Xander winced a little as his head reminded him just how badly it ached. He was willing to ignore it, though. He was being held by the two people he care about most in the world; what was a headache compared to that? Spike apparently disagreed. He caught sight of the wince and his hands were instantly cradling Xander's head in a gentle grip. "Head still hurting, luv?" Xander shrugged. "More from the Cynon than anything else, I think. I've been hit in the head a few times before and this feels different." "Let me take care of that for you." Spike pulled a knife out of his boot, flourishing the blade to catch the light from the lamp in flashing glints. He put the point against the delicate skin of his wrist. "Ready?" Xander froze. How was Graham going to react to this? Letting Spike drink his blood was one thing; drinking vampire blood was something altogether different. Spike and Graham had come to some sort of understanding and this could ruin it all. Warm lips brushed his ear. "Go ahead. I don't want you to be hurting. It's all right." Graham tightened his arms around Xander's middle. Xander relaxed and nodded, holding Spike's gaze. "Please," he said simply. He watched as Spike sliced deeply into his own flesh, dark blood quickly welling up out of the gash. He lifted Spike's wrist to his lips and fastened his mouth over the cut, drinking deeply as blood rushed to the surface. Again, he was surprised by how easy it was to swallow. There was the metallic taste he knew from tasting his own blood from a hundred different skirmishes at Buffy's side, but there was so much more. Power and seduction in a heavy liquid that slid smoothly down his throat...and then Spike was tugging his wrist away. With a final reluctant lick, Xander released the vampire's arm. Blue eyes dark, Spike ran his tongue over the gash. "Give it just a few minutes and then you'll be much better." He leaned forward and kissed Xander deeply. Feeling slightly dazed, Xander responded eagerly, wanting to taste more of Spike however he could. He protested when Spike pulled away, but Graham was there immediately to take the vampire's place and his protests died away under the assault of warm lips and a tentative curious tongue. When he finally drew away from Graham, Xander's headache was rapidly disappearing. Still leaning back against Graham, Xander watched with wide eyes as Spike once again drew near to him. This time, the vampire didn't even attempt to kiss him. Instead, Spike passed him by completely in favor of kissing Graham. Breath coming faster, Xander watched as Spike pushed Graham further back against the couch, watched as Graham countered with a hand sliding up under the hem of Spike's black shirt. It was strange to see them together. Strange and arousing as hell. He watched with growing appreciation and lust as they moved against each other, bumping against him in the process. Finally, the kiss came to an end and Graham and Spike broke apart to look over at him. "Wow," he said. "Um, when did this happen?" Graham's expression was a little shy. "Just a little while ago, actually. We both admitted to a few facts we'd been denying." "Like wanting to shag each other," Spike added. "Yeah," Graham agreed. "You're sure?" Xander asked. This was amazing. He hadn't imagined...all right, maybe in a few fantasies he wouldn't have admitted to previously he had imagined, but he'd never really believed that Spike and Graham could ever do anything except quietly loathe each other. Spike leered at Graham. "Oh, I'm very sure." Xander kissed Spike hard, then did the same to Graham. Spike sat back up, giving Graham and Xander both a little more room. Xander settled more fully against Graham's chest. "So what happens now?" Graham sighed and wrapped his arms around Xander once more. "I'm going to quit the Initiative, for starters." "What?" Xander tried to turn around, but Graham held him fast. "It's time. I was only staying in because I had nowhere better to be and I was good at my job. I've found someplace that I'd rather be." He nuzzled at Xander's ear. "It's not a hard choice to make. You're here. Spike's here. This is where I'm going to be. Besides, I want to stay and help make sure that Sunnydale doesn't go up in flames. I want to stay here and discover everything about both of you and what we can have together." Xander pinched his own arm. "Ow!" "Why the hell would you do that?" Spike asked, catching Xander's hands and holding them between his own. "Just checking. I had to make sure that I wasn't dreaming." "Does this feel like a dream?" Graham asked, slipping his hands under Xander's shirt and smoothing them up over his stomach. Xander shivered deliciously. "I'm not sure..." He let his voice trail off plaintively. Spike didn't disappoint him. The blond man moved in on Xander with a look of animal pleasure and anticipation. He knelt up on the couch to loom over Xander. "Does this feel like a dream?" he asked, then leaned down and claimed Xander's lips. Xander arched up into the caress, writhing against Graham as warm hands slowly wandered up his chest. Xander reached out to pull Spike down to rest against him, craving more contact. He grasped the hem of Spike's shirt and pulled upwards, impatient to see and feel more skin. Spike cooperated and allowed him to tear the shirt away. Graham took that as encouragement and worked Xander's shirt off as well. Thoroughly pleased by this, Xander dropped his hands to the fastening of Spike's jeans. He'd dreamed of Spike and Graham, fantasized about being free to touch and explore and love them for so long that he was impatient to finally begin. Nothing was enough: not Spike's lips at his throat, not Graham's tongue in his ear. He had to have more. When Spike's hands interfered with his purpose, Xander growled impatiently. Spike wasn't fazed by it; he just held Xander's hands tighter. "Xan, wait, luv." "I can wait later," Xander said. "Right now there are things I'd really rather be doing." "Xander, slow down." Xander froze. "What's wrong?" "Nothing," Graham said reassuringly. "Good." Now that was settled, Xander returned to important matters, like getting Spike out of his jeans. Then he could move on to the equally important task of getting Graham out of his clothes, too. "Xander!" Spike grabbed his hands once more. "What?" Spike laughed. "You're making it very difficult to take this slow." "Who the hell wants to take things slow?" Xander was beginning to get confused. Graham shifted behind him. "Xander, I...we don't want to push you into anything. I mean, being with a guy, much less two guys, is different than being with a woman. I understand that you might need some time to get used to things, and we'll give you as much time as you need. You don't have to prove anything to us." Spike nodded throughout the speech, throwing his support in with Graham. Xander blinked. It took a few seconds for the reason behind their hesitation to sink in. When he finally realized what they though, he began to laugh. He pushed himself up and off of Graham, forcing Spike to move over. He slid off the couch, turning as he did, so that he was kneeling on the floor, facing the two men on the couch. He managed to get his laughter under control as he stared up at their obvious confusion. "Guys, I'm touched that you'd worry about me like that, but you don't have to. I'm not a blushing virgin here." "Anyone who was every anywhere near Anya knows that, Xan," Spike said. "But-" "Not inexperienced with women," Xander agreed patiently. "And not with men, either." He watched the surprise bloom on their faces, feeling fairly satisfied. He'd never told anyone about the man he'd met while working in Oxnard. The green-eyed man had been watching Xander shake his little tush on the catwalk of the Fabulous Ladies' Nightclub. He'd caught Xander's eye and they'd spoken on one of his breaks. He'd been calling himself Alex, and he was pretty sure 'Alan's' name wasn't his usual either. That hadn't detracted at all from the charm of Alan's sense of humor or Irish accent. They'd been friends, nothing more, but that meant their explorations in bed had been filled with laughter and gentleness and fun. Xander had learned a lot and enjoyed every moment of it. He had left Oxnard after he had enough money to fix his car, and Alan had to return to Los Angeles - something about working for the power company, or something. Xander hadn't seen him again, but he still thought of him fondly and hoped he was well. The brown-eyed man shook himself loose from his memories and focused back on the two men on the couch. He frowned. They both looked confused, and Spike was beginning to look pissed. "What?" "Who was it?" Spike demanded. Xander got ready to make a joke about Spike's possessiveness, but then he watched as Graham's lip curled up in a snarl. "Guys? What is this?" "None of your friends ever mentioned you being with a guy before," Spike said, ignoring the question. "Because I never told them." He hadn't wanted to share that with the rest of the Scoobies. He'd kept the truth about his job at the club and Alan to himself. It wasn't something he was ready to share. He'd wanted to protect it by keeping it private. "So who was it?" Graham was definitely snarling. Xander decided that he was going to keep Alan's name to himself. He had no idea how to find the Irishman, but he wasn't going to give either Spike or Graham the chance to go looking for him. "No one you know. I haven't seen him in over a year, and I don't think I ever will again." He held up a hand to stop the questions he could read in both pairs of blue eyes. "He was a friend. We had a lot of fun and I learned a lot and it's over now." The fire didn't go out of either man's eyes and Xander decided that he was never going to mention Alan again. He licked his lips, trying to think of a way to distract them. Spike growled and hauled Xander up onto the couch, roughly teasing Xander's lips apart with his own in a bruising kiss. Just as Xander was getting dizzy from lack of oxygen, Spike pushed him away - straight into Graham's waiting arms. Xander gasped a bit and then wrapped his arms around Graham's neck, sinking his hands into the other man's hair as he kissed him. He felt Spike's hands tugging at his sweats and wriggled happily. At first the sound he was hearing didn't make any sense to him. It took him a few moments to figure out that the high-pitched tone was his doorbell. He wrenched his face to the side, breaking the kiss with Graham. "Shit." "Maybe if we ignore them they'll go away," Graham suggested. "Xander? Are you in there?" Willow's voice was muffled as she called through the door. "Shit," Spike said. "Maybe we can stay quiet enough to make her think we're not here?" "No good," Xander groaned, pushing himself up and off of Graham. "She's got a key." He grabbed his shirt from the floor and pulled it back on, then tried to smooth his hair back down. "Get yourselves together," he said, heading for the door, even as he heard Willow's key slide home in the lock. ***** Graham hurriedly raked his hands through his hair, trying to make sure he looked just plain rumpled, as opposed to debauched. He watched Xander frantically straighten his clothes, and even Spike was making an effort to put himself back together, grabbing his shirt and pulling it back on. Graham got up and moved over to the chair, leaving Spike on the couch alone. There was a nervous fluttering in his stomach, which was absolutely ridiculous. He'd faced down demons in the middle of darkest jungle nights. This was Willow; she was just a college student. Riley's voice floated through his mind, telling him about a threat involving a shovel, but he did his best to ignore it. She was Xander's friend and she had no idea what was going on. Xander opened the door even as Willow began to push it open, so the redhead nearly fell into the room. "Xander!" "Hey, Willow." Xander helped her to steady herself, then stood aside so she could enter. "What are you doing here?" "I hadn't heard from you in a few days and I was beginning to worry." Tara entered the apartment right behind Willow. "Tara baked cookies." Tara ducked her head and held up the covered plate in her hands. "Chocolate chip." Xander grinned delightedly and took the plate. "Watch it, Wills. I think I may try to steal her away from you." Willow looked around the apartment and spotted Graham and Spike immediately. She waved a little at Spike, but her brow creased as she looked at Graham, clearly trying to place him. He decided to save her the trouble. "Graham Miller," he said. "I'm a friend of Riley's." "I thought the Initiative pulled out of Sunnydale." Willow and Tara moved closer together, nearly blocking his view of Xander in the kitchen. He saw Xander hurriedly put the plate down on the counter then return to the living room. "They have," Xander said. "Mostly." "What do you mean mostly? And do Buffy and Giles know about this?" She glared suspiciously at Graham. "What do you want with Xander?" Graham struggled to find an answer that wouldn't violate national security. He was saved by the doorbell chime. "Door," he said helpfully. Xander shot him a warning look and opened the door. "Riley?" "Hey, Xander. So you're up and around now? You must be feeling better." Riley looked the dark-haired man over carefully as he walked into the apartment. Graham smothered a groan. He knew Riley; not only did he want to check on Xander and be sure that he was all right, but he was also undoubtedly here to make sure that Spike didn't do anything to hurt Xander or Graham. Overprotective Riley to the rescue, only this time he was going to make things worse. Graham heard a muffled snort and he turned to glare at Spike, who stared back unrepentantly even as he tried to stifle his laughter. How could Spike laugh at a time like this? Meeting Willow was like...the only thing he could come up with was meeting the in-laws. This was probably more important than that, and Riley had just blundered right into the middle of it. "Riley?" Willow's expression was dangerous. After making a sound suspiciously like 'eep', Riley raised one hand in a half-hearted wave. "Hi, Willow." "What are you doing back here?" she demanded. Riley took a step back. "Give me a chance to explain." Wow. Riley actually seemed afraid of Willow. Maybe he should have paid more attention when Riley was talking about her. Xander jumped in to the conversation before Riley had a chance to even start. "They're not here as a part of the Initiative, Wills. They just got into town. Spike and I ran into them and they've been helping us out on patrols the past few nights. They're here to help." Riley nodded enthusiastically. Willow didn't relent. "Have you seen Buffy yet?" Riley shook his head. "I've been working myself up to it. I'm headed over there next." He met Willow's gaze firmly. "I needed some time and some help to get my priorities straight. I know what's important now." Graham was happy that Riley had finally come to a decision, and he thought it was the right one. Riley wasn't happy apart from Buffy. He didn't know if they could be happy together after what happened between them, but they both deserved the chance to find out. Willow stared at Riley, then nodded. "I don't usually let people have second chances. You won't get another." "I understand," Riley said. Willow watched him for a moment and then her stern expression softened. "Go see her soon." "I'm on my way. I just wanted to stop in to check in on Xander." He looked over at Xander. "You look better. How are you feeling?" Willow turned her gaze to Xander. "Xander? Are you all right?" "Just tired," he said quickly. "It was a late night last night and I got knocked around a little. You know - the usual. Don't worry about me. Speaking of being tired, how are you two ladies doing? I didn't expect to see you up and around so soon." Tara yawned hugely, then flushed. "We're still feeling the effects of the spell," she admitted. "But it's getting better. We're staying awake through classes now." "Speaking of," Willow looked down at her watch. "We're going to be late to our science class. Xander, do you want us to stay?" "No, you get to class. I'll be fine." Xander grinned at her. "Go on. You need to get to class and I've got more babysitters here than I can handle." His smile slipped a little as he said the last part. He hugged Willow, then made a big show of hugging Tara, before closing the door behind them as they left. Riley watched Xander. "Are you sure you're all right?" Hearing Riley ask about Xander again made Graham take a closer look at the dark-haired man. Xander still had shadows underneath his eyes, but he looked far better than the first time he had awoken. There was an unhappy twist to his mouth now, though, that hadn't been there before. Graham straightened up on the couch. What was this? Xander shrugged off Riley's concern. "I'm fine." "Huh. So what's going on?" "Ask Graham or Spike. I don't have any idea." Xander leaned back against the wall and refused to look over at the men in the living room. Graham looked over at Spike, but the vampire looked as bewildered as he felt. What the hell was going on? What had happened to the good mood and laughter they'd just shared? He wanted to find out, but he didn't want to get into it in front of Riley. He caught his friend's worried glance. "Everything's fine, Ri," he said reassuringly. "When are you going to go see Buffy?" "Today. Now. As soon as I leave." Riley wasn't exactly jittery, but he wasn't far from it. "Ri, it's going to be fine. You have to find out, right?" After Riley nodded, Graham smiled. "You can do this. You know how to reach me if you need me." "All right. I'll catch up with you later." Riley nodded toward Spike and Xander, then headed out the door. Graham hoped everything turned out all right for Riley, but right now he was more concerned with finding out what had happened to Xander. He licked his lips in preparation for asking, but he never got the chance. Xander pushed away from the wall. "I'm tired again," he said quietly, refusing to look away from his feet. "I'm going back to bed. Lock up when you leave." He walked into the bedroom and shut the door firmly. Graham stared over at Spike. "What the hell just happened?"Title: Uncommon Distractions Author: Kay Email: kaygrr@hotmail.com Feedback: Please? Because watching a grown girl cry is just pathetic. Website: ssfdu.tripod.com/kay/journal.htm (love for Sandy) Archive: Just let me know, eh? Fandom: Buffy Pairing: (Xander/Graham) + (Xander/Spike) = Xander/Graham/Spike Rating: PG-13 Disclaimer: Mine? What? *These*? No, they're Mutant Enemy's. They just followed me home and wouldn't leave until I played with them. Spoilers: The last season of Buffy. The incident with Glory, and the ep "The Body". (Look at me, trying to be vague). And that ugly rumor about Spike and a certain blond slayer? Never happened. Summery: Graham and Riley are called back to Sunnydale when the area destabilizes. When they return, they discover there are new factors in lives of the Scooby Gang, especially in Xander and Spike's. Part 19/? Graham hurriedly raked his hands through his hair, trying to make sure he looked just plain rumpled, as opposed to debauched. He watched Xander frantically straighten his clothes, and even Spike was making an effort to put himself back together, grabbing his shirt and pulling it back on. Graham got up and moved over to the chair, leaving Spike on the couch alone. There was a nervous fluttering in his stomach, which was absolutely ridiculous. He'd faced down demons in the middle of darkest jungle nights. This was Willow; she was just a college student. Riley's voice floated through his mind, telling him about a threat involving a shovel, but he did his best to ignore it. She was Xander's friend and she had no idea what was going on. Xander opened the door even as Willow began to push it open, so the redhead nearly fell into the room. "Xander!" "Hey, Willow." Xander helped her to steady herself, then stood aside so she could enter. "What are you doing here?" "I hadn't heard from you in a few days and I was beginning to worry." Tara entered the apartment right behind Willow. "Tara baked cookies." Tara ducked her head and held up the covered plate in her hands. "Chocolate chip." Xander grinned delightedly and took the plate. "Watch it, Wills. I think I may try to steal her away from you." Willow looked around the apartment and spotted Graham and Spike immediately. She waved a little at Spike, but her brow creased as she looked at Graham, clearly trying to place him. He decided to save her the trouble. "Graham Miller," he said. "I'm a friend of Riley's." "I thought the Initiative pulled out of Sunnydale." Willow and Tara moved closer together, nearly blocking his view of Xander in the kitchen. He saw Xander hurriedly put the plate down on the counter then return to the living room. "They have," Xander said. "Mostly." "What do you mean mostly? And do Buffy and Giles know about this?" She glared suspiciously at Graham. "What do you want with Xander?" Graham struggled to find an answer that wouldn't violate national security. He was saved by the doorbell chime. "Door," he said helpfully. Xander shot him a warning look and opened the door. "Riley?" "Hey, Xander. So you're up and around now? You must be feeling better." Riley looked the dark-haired man over carefully as he walked into the apartment. Graham smothered a groan. He knew Riley; not only did he want to check on Xander and be sure that he was all right, but he was also undoubtedly here to make sure that Spike didn't do anything to hurt Xander or Graham. Overprotective Riley to the rescue, only this time he was going to make things worse. Graham heard a muffled snort and he turned to glare at Spike, who stared back unrepentantly even as he tried to stifle his laughter. How could Spike laugh at a time like this? Meeting Willow was like...the only thing he could come up with was meeting the in-laws. This was probably more important than that, and Riley had just blundered right into the middle of it. "Riley?" Willow's expression was dangerous. After making a sound suspiciously like 'eep', Riley raised one hand in a half-hearted wave. "Hi, Willow." "What are you doing back here?" she demanded. Riley took a step back. "Give me a chance to explain." Wow. Riley actually seemed afraid of Willow. Maybe he should have paid more attention when Riley was talking about her. Xander jumped in to the conversation before Riley had a chance to even start. "They're not here as a part of the Initiative, Wills. They just got into town. Spike and I ran into them and they've been helping us out on patrols the past few nights. They're here to help." Riley nodded enthusiastically. Willow didn't relent. "Have you seen Buffy yet?" Riley shook his head. "I've been working myself up to it. I'm headed over there next." He met Willow's gaze firmly. "I needed some time and some help to get my priorities straight. I know what's important now." Graham was happy that Riley had finally come to a decision, and he thought it was the right one. Riley wasn't happy apart from Buffy. He didn't know if they could be happy together after what happened between them, but they both deserved the chance to find out. Willow stared at Riley, then nodded. "I don't usually let people have second chances. You won't get another." "I understand," Riley said. Willow watched him for a moment and then her stern expression softened. "Go see her soon." "I'm on my way. I just wanted to stop in to check in on Xander." He looked over at Xander. "You look better. How are you feeling?" Willow turned her gaze to Xander. "Xander? Are you all right?" "Just tired," he said quickly. "It was a late night last night and I got knocked around a little. You know - the usual. Don't worry about me. Speaking of being tired, how are you two ladies doing? I didn't expect to see you up and around so soon." Tara yawned hugely, then flushed. "We're still feeling the effects of the spell," she admitted. "But it's getting better. We're staying awake through classes now." "Speaking of," Willow looked down at her watch. "We're going to be late to our science class. Xander, do you want us to stay?" "No, you get to class. I'll be fine." Xander grinned at her. "Go on. You need to get to class and I've got more babysitters here than I can handle." His smile slipped a little as he said the last part. He hugged Willow, then made a big show of hugging Tara, before closing the door behind them as they left. Riley watched Xander. "Are you sure you're all right?" Hearing Riley ask about Xander again made Graham take a closer look at the dark-haired man. Xander still had shadows underneath his eyes, but he looked far better than the first time he had awoken. There was an unhappy twist to his mouth now, though, that hadn't been there before. Graham straightened up on the couch. What was this? Xander shrugged off Riley's concern. "I'm fine." "Huh. So what's going on?" "Ask Graham or Spike. I don't have any idea." Xander leaned back against the wall and refused to look over at the men in the living room. Graham looked over at Spike, but the vampire looked as bewildered as he felt. What the hell was going on? What had happened to the good mood and laughter they'd just shared? He wanted to find out, but he didn't want to get into it in front of Riley. He caught his friend's worried glance. "Everything's fine, Ri," he said reassuringly. "When are you going to go see Buffy?" "Today. Now. As soon as I leave." Riley wasn't exactly jittery, but he wasn't far from it. "Ri, it's going to be fine. You have to find out, right?" After Riley nodded, Graham smiled. "You can do this. You know how to reach me if you need me." "All right. I'll catch up with you later." Riley nodded toward Spike and Xander, then headed out the door. Graham hoped everything turned out all right for Riley, but right now he was more concerned with finding out what had happened to Xander. He licked his lips in preparation for asking, but he never got the chance. Xander pushed away from the wall. "I'm tired again," he said quietly, refusing to look away from his feet. "I'm going back to bed. Lock up when you leave." He walked into the bedroom and shut the door firmly. Graham stared over at Spike. "What the hell just happened?" ***** Spike sighed and shoved himself to his feet. Bloody humans. They couldn't ever make anything easy, could they? He headed for the kitchen. He needed a drink and he needed to eat if he was going to have to put up with this. "Spike? What the hell is going on?" Graham followed him into the kitchen. The soldier sounded utterly bewildered. Pouring the contents of a blood packet into a mug, Spike turned to face the other man. "Think about it. What did the Cynon tell us about Xander's state of mind?" Graham's expression grew solemn. "It said that he was upset. Suicidal. But he was so happy, just a little while ago." "Going to the Cynon screws with Xander's emotions," Spike said quietly, warming his blood in the microwave. "He doesn't like to let it show but if you pay attention you can see it. It's been getting harder and harder for him to push away what the demon makes him feel. Yesterday he was depressed enough to try to get himself killed. He's not just going to snap out of that." Graham's attention immediately shifted to the bedroom door. "You don't think he's..." "No! No. I don't think he's going to get that low again. But he's not going to just shrug it off, either. He's been hurt, he's still hurting and it's going to take time to heal." Seeing the worry in Graham's eyes, Spike reached out and touched his cheek. "What's the saying? Nothing that's worthwhile is ever easy." Xander was going to need them to patient, would need them to be willing to wait and be there for him as long as it took for him to regain his equilibrium. Spike knew he could do it. It was an unexpected gift from his Dark Princess: he'd learned patience from her. Not that Xander was anything like Dru. He wasn't crazy; he was just overwhelmed and in need of care. Spike stepped close to Graham and pressed a gentle kiss to the other man's lips. "We're going to be here for him," he said quietly. "And for each other," Graham added, before leaning down to return the kiss. Pleased, Spike drew out the kiss for several moments before stepping away. He quickly drank down the heated blood. A chaser from his flask and he was ready to go talk to Xander. He opened the refrigerator and pulled out a can of Coke. He gestured toward the cupboard. "Pull out one of those plastic wrapped cakes for me, would you, pet?" Graham rooted through the cabinet until he found the snackcakes. "You want dessert?" "It's not for me," Spike said, irritated until he saw Graham's small smile. "Idiot," he said quietly, not meaning it. Graham's sense of humor was good; not only did Spike like it, but it would be good for Xander. Leading the way, he walked over to the bedroom door. He knocked, but he didn't wait for an answer. He knew he wasn't going to be given permission to come in, so what was the point? Xander was in bed, covers wrapped tightly around himself and a pillow tucked over his head. A muffled voice emerged from beneath the bedding. "Wrong door. The front door is to the right of the kitchen." "We weren't looking for the door out, Xander. We're not going anywhere." Graham's voice was gentle but determined. A weary sigh, and then Xander was rolling over, shoving the pillow to the floor. "What do you want?" he asked. His eyes were infinitely tired, but there was confusion in them as well. Spike knew that Xander didn't want them to leave; the Cynon's influence was clouding his perceptions. He walked over to the bed and held out the can of soda. "You need to get something more in your system, luv." Beside him, Graham held out the cake. "I'm not hungry." Xander's tongue crept out and swept across his bottom lip. "What a coincidence. I'm not going anywhere." Spike met Xander's glare steadily. "Please," Graham added. Xander sat up and held out his hand. "Fine." He took the soda and cake. His indifference was belied by the haste with which he tore away the plastic wrap and consumed the small dessert. It only took him a little less time to drain the soda. When both the treats were gone, he stared levelly at both men. "So what do you want?" Graham reached out toward Xander but stopped just shy of touching him. "Xander, what's wrong? Please, please let us help." "The only way you can help is by leaving." Xander shook his head. "I'm sorry. I don't know what I was thinking earlier. This is all happening too fast. It's insane. You have to know that this can't work." He held up his hand to stop Graham or Spike from saying anything. "This isn't real. It's a lovely dream and one that I wish could be real, but it isn't. This is going to go bad and fall apart," he swallowed hard, "and I don't know if I can handle that. I don't know if I can take losing everything. I want to believe, but I can't. I can't risk it." Graham sat down on the edge of the bed. "Xander, I want you to think about something for me. Could you do that?" Xander sighed but nodded. "Will you leave, after?" The weariness in his voice made Spike want to hunt the Cynon down and carry out all the threats he'd made against it. "We'll talk about it again after we're done," Graham promised. "Do you remember how you felt the first time you talked to the blue demon? The Cynon?" "Tired," Xander admitted. "And my head hurt a little." "What about the second time you went?" "I was tired again, and my head hurt worse." "So every time you went to go see it, you'd get more exhausted and the headaches would get worse. How about the way you felt?" Spike began to see where Graham was going with his questions and he approved. It was a better way of getting Xander to see reason than tying him to the bed and refusing to let him up until he started to believe them. He was still holding that plan in reserve, though. Just in case. Xander frowned a little. "I already told you how I felt. My head hurt and I was tired." "No, beyond that. I meant your emotions. How were those after you'd gone to the Cynon?" Graham moved a little closer to Xander. The brown-eyed man squinted suspiciously at him. "They began to get a little strange," he admitted. "It was like they started to linger after it dredged them up, or something. Some times it would take me a few days to shake them off, but I always got back to normal. It wasn't anything that I can't handle." "What was the last emotion that the Cynon wanted from you?" "Rejection. It was pretty bad," Xander admitted. "And you only went to the demon yesterday." "Yesterday...god, it seems like longer. Yeah." Xander blinked. "Wait. You think that it's the Cynon that's making me tell you to go?" "Kinda, yeah. I think that the emotions the Cynon made you feel are effecting how you're thinking. I think that the rejection you remember is making you doubt everything you're feeling now." Graham traced the back of his hand over Xander's cheek. "I love you, Xan. I know that, and I don't want to lose you to a demon's manipulations." Xander's gaze flicked over to Spike. The vampire was ready for that. "Me, too, luv. I'm not letting that blue bastard ruin this." He leaned down and carefully kissed Xander, not wanting to push too hard. When he felt Xander respond, he finally began to relax. He stood back up and waited for Xander's decision. Fingertips brushing over his lips, Xander glanced back and forth between Graham and Spike. "Um, maybe I should give the decision a few days, then? Just in case it is the Cynon giving me the wiggins." Spike barely restrained a whoop of triumph. They had him. They were going to be able to convince him to stay with them. "So we can stay, then?" he asked, once he got himself under control. "You can stay." Xander hesitated, then added, "Please stay." Graham leaned forward and kissed him. "Of course we will. Now, were you really tired, or was that a ply to get us to leave?" "It stared out as a ploy, but now I'm actually sleepy. The Coke isn't even enough to perk me back up." Xander mangled his last few words with a yawn. Spike stripped off his jeans even as Graham stood up and worked at the fastenings of his own. Spike moved over to the other side of the bed and got in as Graham persuaded Xander to scoot over toward the middle of the bed. Spike spared a grateful thought for Anya's demands that Xander get a large bed for them to play in. He watched as Xander got settled on the bed, and then nodded approvingly as Graham spooned up behind him. Spike then moved to wrap his arm over Xander's waist and link his fingers with Graham at the small of Xander's back. Maybe there was hope for them yet. ***** Xander came awake slowly, his first thought relief that he was finally waking up without pain. If that was getting to be a highlight for him, he really had to look into changing his lifestyle. As awareness returned to him fully, he realized that he wasn't alone in bed. He opened his eyes but otherwise remained motionless. He smiled as he took in the sight of Graham lying sprawled over his chest. The soldier was still sleep, his face nestled on Xander's shoulder and his arms wrapped loosely around him. Xander moved his shoulder a little. It felt damp. With a grin, he realized that Graham had drooled on him. The grin faded as he had more time to think. Graham was in bed with him. He could remember agreeing to let Spike and Graham stay. He remembered Graham's idea about the Cynon being responsible for his fear of a relationship them. He wanted to believe that: it would be nice if the fear that filled him would just disappear. He could still feel the terror of rejection running through him. He wanted to think that it was weaker than it had been yesterday, but that could just be his own hopes influencing his perception. Graham nuzzled his shoulder and tightened his embrace, protective and wanting, even in sleep. Xander concentrated on the heat and weight of the other man for a moment, taking comfort in the sensation of being held. Maybe if he couldn't trust himself, he could trust Graham and Spike. Speaking of Spike...Xander craned his neck one way and then another, looking for the vampire. When he looked over to the left, he found him. "Spike?" he whispered, confused. Spike was sitting on the floor, staring at him and Graham. "What am I getting myself into?" Spike asked quietly. "You and Graham. Human. Limited." He was holding himself very still and his gaze was somber. "What?" Xander tried to turn so he could better see Spike. "You humans think too much and half the time you're thinking wrong. You can't make rules for love. Love can't be wrong or right. It just is. There aren't limits on love: not on who you love, not on how many you love. Love is love and you take all you can for as long as it lasts." Spike glanced at Graham's face and when he met Xander's gaze again the seriousness had faded in his eyes, replaced by more familiar wicked amusement. "And of course there's the shagging. You do that as often as you can, too." Xander smiled at Spike, feeling some of the negativity inside of him ebb away. How typical was this for his life: a soulless vampire understood love better than he did. If he was going to trust Graham where the cause for his emotions was concerned, he could trust Spike about what love could and couldn't be. He looked down at Graham, tentatively stroking his hand over his back. "What about Graham?" "I do fancy him," Spike admitted. "Always thought he was good looking." He knelt up beside the bed, putting his hand over Xander's. "I like him, luv. There's a potential for more. Both of us want to make a go of it; we'll see what happens." "You've got good taste," Xander said. A devilish impulse made him say, "Of course, you've always liked the tall, commanding type." He snuck a peek at Spike. The vampire stared at him for a second, and then he was smiling in sardonic acknowledgement. "He's better looking than Angelus." The smile slid off his face. "Xan, I love you. Believe that. I love you and so does Graham and I want you to give us a chance to show you how good it can be. I swear to you that you won't get hurt. If it means my unlife, I won't let you be hurt." As Spike finished speaking, Graham's arms tightened around Xander and the soldier turned his head to look up at him. He didn't say how long he'd been awake. He just held Xander's gaze and kissed him gently, then said, "Spike said it all. I want a chance from you. Please, Xander. I'll make sure you never regret it for even a moment." Xander stared at Graham and then Spike and then back to Graham again. He didn't know what the future was going to bring for them. There was no way he could know. The best thing he could do was just live and love and hope for the best. If Spike and Graham both wanted to live and love with him, then why should he do it alone? Especially when he loved them both so much? "Yes," he said simply. "Yes?" Graham said, hope flaring in his eyes. "Yes," he repeated. "Besides, I'm never really going to get rid of you two, am I?" "Never," Graham vowed, before claiming Xander's lips in another kiss. It was enthusiastic and rough and the only that made the ending of it bearable was that Spike was there, mouth voracious and consuming. This couldn't be wrong. Not when every stroke of Graham's hands, every brush of Spike's lips made him feel complete. Made him feel like he'd finally found home. He smiled as Spike leaned back, arching up a little to fully appreciate Graham's weight against him. His eyes widened as Graham angled his head to take Spike's mouth in a searing kiss. He shifted as he grew hard, thrusting up against Graham lightly in a search for friction. Graham broke away from the kiss with Spike to stare down at him. "See something you like?" he asked, grinning as he thrust back. Xander nodded. "You two together..." he let his voice trail away and settled for thrusting up against Graham again. "Do it again?" he asked. "I don't know if I want to," Spike said petulantly. Graham just laughed at him and grabbed a fistful of the vampire's shirt, hauling him forward for another kiss. Xander watched as they battled for control, eyes closed in pure animal pleasure as they moved against each other. Graham continued to thrust against Xander, his rhythm gone and his movements erratic. That was fine; Xander could do the work himself, so long as he got to watch. Graham turned his head to the side and panted for breath. He raised an eyebrow as he met Xander's gaze. "You're quite the voyeur, aren't you?" Xander didn't bother to answer; he just thrust with increased urgency. "Like to watch then, do you?" Spike asked with interest. "Watching is good," Xander agreed. He reached out and cupped his hand around the back of Spike's neck and jerking him into a bruising kiss. Graham's hands and Spike's tongue and finally having made the decision to trust in their love all combined, creating in Xander a sensation of fulfillment that he'd never known before. This was right; this was where he wanted to be, where he needed to be. The doorbell chimed. Spike looked up disbelievingly. "She already checked on you once!" he protested. They all froze and listened intently. If it was Willow again, Xander was going to have to kill her. He loved her, but interrupting twice in one day was going to far. He didn't go over to the dorm and stop her and Tara from...making spells, did he? Muffled but clearly excited, Riley's voice came through the door. "Graham? Guys, are you in there?" Graham groaned and banged his forehead lightly against Xander's chest. "I'm going to kill him." "Right after you open the door and find out what happened, right?" Xander asked. He smiled at Graham's surprise. "Hey, I've got a best friend with a rotten sense of timing, remember?" "I have to talk to him," Graham said. "He was going to see Buffy." Spike swore under his breath, but he shoved himself to his feet. "After he's gone, I'm going to rip that fucking chime out of the wall." He pulled on his jeans, muttering to himself the whole time. Graham got to his feet as well, searching for his pants. After he pulled them on, he deliberately stepped in front of Spike. "Hey," he said. "I'll make it up to you." Spike kissed him savagely. "You bet your ass." Xander sulked as he sat up. "You're not going to make it up to me?" He was pulled to his feet with dizzying speed and Graham kissed him breathless. "It goes without saying," Graham said seriously. "I've got a lot to make up to you." He licked delicately at Xander's lower lip, then pushed him gently toward Spike. "Get dressed." Xander flipped him off, but he pulled on a pair of sweat pants. He followed Graham out of the bedroom, then Spike took his arm and dragged him into the living room. The vampire sat down on the couch and pulled Xander down to sit beside him. Xander flopped down, making sure he landed mostly on Spike. It didn't seem to discourage him at all; Spike just pulled him closer. "What are you doing?" Xander asked, watching Graham unlock the door. "I'm getting all the foreplay out of the way. Once Riley goes on his merry way, I'm going to have mine." Spike slid his hands under Xander's shirt and stroked his stomach. Xander considered protesting, but Spike did have a good point. In light of all the interruptions, they really shouldn't waste any time. Riley entered the apartment with a grin on his face. "She talked to me!" Graham shut the door behind him. "Without kicking your ass?" "No violence." Riley slowed down as he caught sight of Xander and Spike. "Hi." "So what happened?" Xander asked. He smiled as Graham walked over and joined them on the couch, leaning back heavily against him. He accepted Graham's weight and gleeful hoped that Spike got a little squished. Just because. Riley stared at them, but continued with his story. "She was surprised and she wasn't happy to me, but she was willing to talk to me." He paced around the room as he spoke, punching his fist into his open palm. "It was weird talking to her after so long. Weird, but good. It was so good to see her again. She looks tired, but she still talked to me and she wants to see me again." He stopped in and drew in a deep breath. "She wants to see me again." "Ri, that's great," Graham said. Xander nodded. "It is. I'm happy for you. I'm happy for her, too. I think you two can make this work." Riley waved a finger in their direction. "And, uh, how about you?" He stared at the way all of them were sitting on the couch. Graham smiled. "We're thinking that this is going to work out, too." "And what is this? If I can ask." "This is me and Xander...and me and Spike." Graham held up his hand to stop Riley from speaking. "I know, all right? It's not something that I ever imagined but it's making me happy." "Graham, are they making you accept this? Some sort of condition of being with Xander?" Xander started to sit up. "I wouldn't do that!" he objected. Graham soothed him with a caressing hand on his cheek, then turned back to Riley. "I wouldn't let that happen. This is what I want. Some of it's just what I didn't want to admit to myself." Riley stared hard at his friend. "You're sure?" "As I've ever been of anything." Xander wrapped his arms around Graham's waist and nuzzled at the crook of his heck and shoulder. "Thank you," he murmured, feeling honored that Graham was willing to stand up for them. Riley nodded slowly. "If you're sure and this will make you happy, then I'm behind you. Anything you need, right?" "Same here, man." Graham stared at him. "You know that." Riley smiled a little. "So I guess I'll be heading home alone tonight, then?" Graham nodded. "Yeah. I'll catch up with you tomorrow." Xander wriggled out from between Graham and Spike and followed Riley to the door. He met the blond man's gaze squarely. "I won't hurt him," he said quietly. Riley flashed a crooked half-smile at him. "I won't let you," he said just as quietly. Xander nodded his understanding and closed the door behind Riley. He turned around and found two avid blue gazes raking over him. He leaned back against the door, weakened by the emotions that swept through him. Terror and hopelessness. He couldn't do this. What was he thinking? This was insane. He was just going to end up hurting them and getting his own heart torn out in the process. He had to stop this, end it before it turned bad. "Luv?" Spike stood up slowly. "You're heart's going a mile a minute." "Nothing," Xander said. "Nothing. I'm just tired all over again. I'm going to go back to bed and see you tomorrow, OK?" He bolted for the bedroom but he wasn't faster than Spike. The vampire blocked the doorway and grabbed him by his upper arms. "What happened?" "Nothing," Xander said, unable to meet his penetrating gaze. Warm hands on his back startled him. "It's not real, Xander." Graham's voice was soft in his ear. "It's the Cynon, remember?" "It feels real," Xander said uncertainly. It was so strong. Could it really not be real? Spike cradled his face in his hands. "Xan, you need to calm down. You can't go back to bed. You need to eat something first." Graham's hands stroked up and down his arms. "Sit back down on the couch. Eat. Then go back to bed. Give the fear some time to pass. Give yourself time to get control." Xander closed his eyes. He could remember deciding to trust them, could remember how right that felt and wished that he could feel it again. It seemed very far away just then. He nodded shakily. "All right." He allowed himself to be lead back over the couch. "We'll get you past this," Spike promised, sitting close to him while Graham headed for the kitchen. "It's going to get easier. It's going to get better." He reached out and took Xander's hand, petting it. Xander tried to focus on the sensation of Spike's gentle touch as a way to keep the fear at bay and it worked. He managed to stay on the couch long enough for Graham to finish making sandwiches, managed to stay long enough to eat. After he was done the fear remained, but it was manageable. Barely. He put his plate of the coffee table. "Now what?" "Now you go take shower," Graham said. "And when you're done, you'll go back to bed with us holding you for the rest of the night." Spike stared at him seriously. "I'm not going anywhere, luv." "Never leaving again," Graham added. Xander summoned up a smile. He still felt freaked out and half ready to run, but he knew he didn't have to. They had to love him if they were putting up with him. They had to love him if they were getting even more protective than Willow. "Sounds like a plan," he said. He got up and walked into the bathroom. A shower actually sounded very tempting and he was soon under the hot spray, finally feeling clean for the first time in a long time. When he got out, Graham and Spike were waiting for him in the bedroom, stripped down for sleeping. "Sleep now?" he asked. He laughed nervously. "I guess I'm Cave Xander tonight." "So long as you're here," Graham said. "This goes at the pace we all need," Spike added. "Even if it is a bleeding crawl." "I can handle crawling," Graham agreed. "Maybe I'll be up to walking tomorrow," Xander suggested. He climbed into bed, feeling incredibly awkward. There was too much attention focused on him. It made him feel jumpy. Of course if he jumped, the two men would just jump with him and that would maybe wake up the neighbors and he really was tired again and not ready for a fight. And he was babbling in his head. "I have to go to sleep now." Spike spooned up close behind him, while Graham wormed his way half-under him. Gentle kisses pressed his eyes closed as careful hands soothed away the lingering tension in his frame. He felt too wound up to really sleep, feared that he would just lay there all night, wound up tight. The kisses and the hands slowly worked an elemental magic on him, lulling away the fear and worry. Surrounded by comfort and love, he fell asleep. ***** Graham leaned back against a tall headstone, taking a break from the killing. Xander and Spike were doing just fine without him; the little gang of vampires they had come across had been quickly reduced to only two survivors. Xander was in the final process of maneuvering his opponent out of position so he could end the fight with his stake, while Spike was blatantly playing with the one he faced. Graham watched appreciatively as the two men fought, enjoying the sight of their bodies moving with deadly grace as they finished off their opponents. Life was good and it was getting better. His request to be released from the Initiative been approved and he was now the proud owner of a generous post-service scholarship that he intended to use at the university next fall. Riley had left the service as well and from what he told Graham, he was slowly on his way to reconciling with Buffy. Graham was happy for his friend, but even better was what was happening between him, Xander, and Spike. They were still moving at what felt like an excruciatingly slow pace, but it was necessary. Xander was still trying to shake off the Cynon's influence, and even a week after visiting the demon the effects still lingered. Graham was horrified by this; he hadn't understood what Xander was going through every time he went to make a deal with the demon. If the terror of rejection was lingering this long, how long had Xander struggled with feelings of depression or loneliness or loss each time the Cynon had demanded them? It was the realization of how shaken Xander was that made the waiting possible. It was more than a little maddening. He loved Xander and wanted him fiercely. One moment, Xander would be laughing and kissing him, obviously as eager as Graham was to take things further. A few moments later, Xander would be withdrawn and quiet, certain that Spike and Graham were both about to walk out and leave him alone forever. The periods of depression were coming farther and farther apart now and they didn't last very long, but as long as they lingered the relationship was stalled in limbo. Graham was ready to finally make love to Xander and was sure Spike was as well, but the time wasn't right. Graham had talked to Riley about it, wanting the benefit of his friend's training in psychology. Everything Riley told him meshed perfectly with what Graham felt: so long as Xander was filled with doubt, they couldn't push anything. They had to wait for Xander's mind and heart to be free of the Cynon's influence, or else he'd never be able to trust the love that they shared. The sight of Xander killing his opponent brought Graham back to the present. He grinned widely as Xander brushed dust off his sleeves. Xander grinned back at him and walked easily into his arms, claiming a kiss as he reward for killing the vampire. Graham was more than happy to reward him, pulling Xander close and using his height to his advantage in order to dominate the kiss, the taste of the dark-haired man something he could never take for granted. "Hey!" Spike's objection caused them to end their kiss so they could look at him. "What about me?" the vampire asked. "I killed one, too." Graham unwrapped one of his arms from around Xander and reached out to grab Spike and pull him in for a kiss. It wasn't like kissing Xander at all: Spike was cool and powerful and utterly confident. It wasn't better or worse; it was just different. He leaned away from Spike with a lingering smile. That was one benefit of all this waiting: he and Spike had moved beyond mutual lust. He wasn't sure it was love, yet, but it was getting closer and closer to it. He rolled his eyes as Spike grabbed Xander and pinned him up against a tombstone. That was one thing that definitely hadn't changed: both of them were utterly in love with Xander. He watched for a few moments, then forcibly separated them. "We're in a cemetery," he said. Spike looked utterly unrepentant, but Xander nodded. "Right. Ew." He reached out and slid a caressing hand over Graham's ass. "Just wait till I get you two home." Graham shared a quick assessing glance with Spike. Xander had been complaining more and more about the slow pace they'd all agreed to follow. It had been nearly a full day since his last attack of terror over rejection. The Cynon's influence might actually be gone. Graham didn't want to get his hopes up over this if he was wrong, but Xander's complaints could be a sign that he was finally back to being in control of himself. Graham was about to suggest that maybe they should head back to Xander' apartment and test the idea out when his cell rang. He answered quickly. "Yeah?" //Nice way to answer the phone,// Riley chided. //Wait, I was interrupting anything, was I? Don't tell me if I was, just tell me you can't talk.// "Ri, shut up. What do you want?" //Buffy just called me. She'd tried to get a hold of Xander earlier and wanted me to see if I could find him through you.// "Is something wrong?" Graham held the phone a little away from his ear so Spike and Xander, who had drawn near, could hear as well. //I don't think so. She just said that she wants him to come to her house.// Xander grabbed the phone. "Riley, get off the line so I can call her." Riley laughed. //She's right here.// There was a pause, then Buffy's voice came over the line. //Xander?// "Buffy, what wrong?" There was concern bordering on panic in his voice. Graham took a step toward him, putting his hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort. //Nothing. Nothing, I promise you. I want you to come to the house as soon as you can.// "I'm on my way now," Xander promised. "I'll see you in a few." He hung up the phone and handed it back to Graham. "We have to go." Spike looked slightly mutinous, but he nodded. "Let's go, then." Graham shook his head as he followed Xander. This could get ugly. Spike still didn't like Buffy all that much, although he seemed to be growing fonder of Willow as time passed. He just hoped Spike kept himself under control. If he instigated a confrontation with Buffy, Graham and Xander would be forced to interfere to make sure neither one of them were hurt. An all out brawl was really going to be a mood-killer, and Graham had plans for the rest of the night. They made it to the Summers house quickly and Xander ran up the steps and banged on the door. The door was opened by a man Graham had never met. He recognized him from briefings, though. "Giles!" Xander said. "What's going on? Is everyone all right?" He looked closely at the other man. "Are *you* all right? You look awful." Xander was right. Tactless, but right. Giles looked as though he hadn't slept for a week, the lines around his face deep, drawn. For all that, there was a clear light of triumph in his eyes and a sense of satisfaction intermixed with his weariness. The older man smiled at Xander. "I'm fine," he said. "Nothing is wrong. In fact, we have some very good news for you." His brow furrowed. "Spike, what are you doing here? And this is?" Xander placed one hand on Spike's shoulder and the other on Graham's arm. "Spike's here with me, Giles. And this is Graham. He's a friend. He's been helping us." "Graham!" Riley's voice came from the living room. "Xander, Spike. Glad you could make it, finally. You're the last ones. Willow and Tara beat you, even." Willow and Tara followed him out of the kitchen. Willow walked over and looked Xander over carefully, obviously checking up on him. "We only beat you by a few minutes," she assured them. "And maybe now that you're here, Giles will finally spill about what's going on." "I'll tell," Buffy said, surprising them all as she came down the stairs. She looked even more tired than Giles, but she was smiling widely. "Dawn is healed. Giles figured it out. She's going to be all right." Xander whooped even as Willow clapped and Riley ran up the stairs to embrace Buffy. Xander wrapped his arms around Spike in a fierce embrace, and Graham could see Spike's face. The vampire looked enormously relieved, reminding Graham of comments the dark-eyed man had made about Spike's friendship with Dawn. Then it was his turn for a hug as Xander released Spike and grabbed him. Graham could feel all the pent up fear leaving Xander in that embrace and realized how much worry for Dawn the other man had been hiding. This made him return the hug as tightly as he dared, glad that Xander and Spike could both stop worrying now. Xander released him and grabbed Willow, laughing with her before stealing Buffy away from Riley so he could lift her off her feet. Everyone was celebrating, sharing hugs and joy and relief. Graham didn't know Dawn, but he could see how much she meant to everyone. Even Spike, who pretended indifference to everyone except him and Xander was looking damn near ecstatic. Graham knew no one else was going to hug the vampire, so he helped himself to an armful of Spike. He got a pinch to his ass for his trouble, but that came with a fully honest smile from Spike, so it was worth it. Graham stifled a laugh as he watched Xander force Giles into a brief hug, then turn on Tara and pick her up and swing her around. After that, Xander was back beside him and Spike, grinning like a madman. "So when can we go see Dawn?" he asked. "It's been just about forever, it feels like." Back in the circle of Riley's arms, Buffy shook her head slowly, the smile slipping off her face. "I think we've got something to talk about first," she said, looking significantly from Xander over to Spike and Graham. Graham froze. She'd noticed the hugs, then, and wasn't going to dismiss them to overexuberance. Everyone in the room went silent as they waited for an answer. Willow's eyes were wide and she held Tara's hand tightly, while Giles stood up straighter. The blue-eyed man wasn't sure what to do. They hadn't really discussed telling anyone about the relationship; they'd had enough to worry about just among themselves to get that far in their thinking. He knew he wasn't ashamed of anything: he loved Xander and he was falling for Spike, and that was all the explanation that he owed anyone. He knew Spike felt the same way. Hell, the vampire would probably rub the others' faces in it, just to see them squirm. Xander glanced over at him and Graham could read the indecision in Xander's eyes. He knew the dark-haired man well enough to guess what he was thinking. Xander didn't want to upset his friends, but he was a basically honest person so lying wouldn't sit well with him. Graham decided to do the talking for Xander. The other man would no doubt yell at him for it later, but that was fine. If he took the attention off Xander, then he'd be the one to take the brunt of any possible abuse. If he could shield Xander from that, then any scolding that got him would be well worth it. "I'm in love with Xander," he said simply. Buffy's gaze cut over to Xander. "Xander?" The dark-eyed man nodded. "It's true, Buff. And I'm in love with him." Buffy blinked a couple of times, taking a few moments to absorb the information. She nodded slowly. "All right. I'll expect details later," she said with a steely look at Xander, "but I can accept. So what's the story with Spike?" Graham shrugged. "He's got a great ass and I think I'm falling for him, too." He didn't want to have to explain things he was still figuring out for himself. The flippancy just sort of slipped out; continued exposure to Xander and Spike was definitely affecting him. Buffy stepped away from Riley, her eyes hard and her hands curled into loose fists. She looked pissed. Willow took a step forward and her eyes were *scary*, dark and determined and looking as though they could look right through him. Maybe being flip hadn't been the best way to go. ***** Spike watched Buffy and Willow eye Graham and was fairly certain that a fight was inevitable. He thought it was a fairly good idea; a nice little fight would relieve tension and he'd get the chance to maybe see Buffy get smashed upside the head. Of course, Red would most likely turn him and Graham into rabbits or kittens or some other sort of harmless furry creatures before any real smashing took place, so maybe a fight really wasn't a good idea. Xander apparently agreed with him. The dark-haired man moved to stand between Graham and the women he faced. "Buff, Wills, just hang on a second, all right?" He raised his hands in a placating gesture. Willow cocked her head to the side. "What's he talking about?" "It's not like it sounds." Xander laughed a little nervously. "Well, actually it is like it sounds, but it's not a joke. Graham and I really are together." "Um, Xander? You're not gay." Buffy sounded reluctant to point that out. "No, I'm not," Xander agreed. "I'm bi." He glanced over at Willow. "I just kept it to myself longer. I'm not as brave as some people." "So what about Spike?" Buffy asked. "There was huggage there, too." "Yeah. I'm with Spike, too. I love him." "And you're ok with this?" Buffy shook her head. "Xander, that's nuts. It's Spike and you're in love with Graham." "I'm also in love with Spike. I love both of them." Spike felt his smirk slip. Xander's voice was quiet, confident. He didn't lapse into doubt or uncertainty when his emotions were questions. Two days ago he probably would have. The Cynon's taint was finally gone. "Xander, you're talking about Spike. Evil, remember? Soulless vampire?" Buffy took a step toward Xander, her expression frank and worried. "I know exactly who I'm talking about." Xander's smile was gentle but determined. "He's the one who moved in with me when I needed someone around to get over the silence Anya left behind. He's the friend that had my back for the past couple of months, making sure I lived through fights I couldn't have gotten out of on my own. He's bandaged me up and made me laugh and kept me alive and kept me sane. He loves me and I love him. He's not going to hurt me. He wouldn't. He can't." Spike watched in concern as Willow dropped back beside her girlfriend, the two of them whispering back and forth so quietly he couldn't understand them. They were the ones that worried him. He didn't think Buffy would stake him or kick Graham's ass - not too badly, anyway - but he didn't want to send Red off into a fit of overprotectiveness. Buffy nodded her head as though responding to something only she could hear, then shifted her weight so she was looking past Xander at both him and Graham. "So, Fangless, Soldier. Tell me again what you're doing with Xander. Tell me the truth." Someday he was going to find a way to make her pay for all the cute nicknames she liked to give him. He was going to make her scream out her apologies and beg for mercy. Or maybe he'd just make another round of the town with his trusty permanent marker, writing out her phone number and 'for a good time call Slutty the Vampire Layer' on any surface that would take a mark. Xander and Graham would probably object to hurting her, so he'd be better off with the marker. Swallowing his anger, he met her glare evenly. "I love Xander. I'm falling for Graham and I'm not going to hurt either one of them." Graham moved to stand closer to him. "Same here. I love Xander and I'm not far off from loving Spike and anyone who wants to get to them will have to go through me." Willow and Tara's voices rose as they chanted in unison, speaking words in a non-human tongue. As the spell came to a climax, a bright flash of light appeared and swept through first Graham and then Spike. Spike jerked as it passed through him. It didn't hurt but it felt decidedly strange. "What the hell was that?" "Truth spell," Willow said, smiling. Her eyes and softened and she looked much less frightening. "They're telling the truth," she declared. Buffy nodded. "Fine, then. I guess nobody gets their asses kicked." Xander shook his head, a wry smile on his face. "Most people live in terror of having to introduce people to their parents, doing the whole meeting the in-laws thing. Lucky me, I get to worry about my lovers meeting my friends." "There's nothing to worry about, Xan," Buffy said. "We know all the best places to hide the bodies. If they slip up, no one will ever find them." Spike glanced over at Graham, watching the other man's eyes widen. He could read surprise in his blue eyes, mingled with a small amount of relief. Spike moved closer to him. "You all right?" "I think I will be," Graham muttered quietly. "We passed the test, didn't we?" "Yeah. Lucky for both of us, we get to leave with our balls." Buffy could be an absolute raving bitch, but she had a strong protective instinct where her friends were concerned. If she believed that he or Graham were a real threat to Xander then there was no way they'd just be walking out of the house with him. Spike watched Giles draw Willow and Tara away a little bit, eavesdropping shamelessly even as Buffy told Xander and Graham how she and Giles had healed Dawn. He listened in as Giles scolded Willow and Tara for performing the spell without warning or preparation. Spike knew that the scolding wasn't going to do any good. Willow would continue to do whatever she thought she had to in order to make sure that Xander was safe and unhurt. Crossing her would be a very, very bad idea. Spike would rather have Buffy pissed at him then Willow. Buffy would only kick his ass and stake him. Willow would do interesting and probably messy things to him with magic before she killed him, once she'd grown tired of listening to him scream for mercy. As Giles stepped away from Willow, his gaze raked over Spike and Graham. The vampire was very glad that Graham missed that look; it might have sent him scrambling for the door. Spike had seen the way Giles looked at the children that surrounded him: under all the overly patient exasperation was pride and love so fierce its strength was nearly breath-taking. If he ever made an enemy of Giles by hurting the man's surrogate son, Spike knew he was better off facing Buffy or Willow. Giles wouldn't kill him. Giles would make him hurt, take him apart and put him back together in horribly painful ways. Giles would allow him to exist so he could suffer eternally, making sure the pain never ended. Spike was distracted from his scary thoughts by Xander's hand on his arm. "Do you want to go see Dawn?" "Of course, pet. Lead the way." Spike stayed close to Xander, completely abandoning Graham to the Scoobies. The man had to get used to them if he was going to stick around. They weren't going to go away; they were too important part of Xander's life. Dawn was in her bedroom, propped up on pillows and buried in blankets. "Hey, Niblet." "Spike! Xander!" She looked exhausted, but her smile was real. Xander walked over to sit on the edge of her bed. "How're you doing, Dawn?" "Better. I'm really feeling better." "Good." Xander smiled at her, and Spike thought he did a good job of suppressing the shakiness in it. Xander hadn't talked much about Dawn being ill, but the vampire knew that he'd been worrying about her silently ever since she'd gotten sick. "I don't think you should get sick again." "No," Dawn agreed. "This wasn't any fun." Xander started to say something, then just shook his head and gently pulled her into a hug. "Missed you, Dawnie," he said quietly. Watching made Spike realize all over again how much Xander cared about his friends. He was going to have to learn to play nicely with them to keep Xander happy. He was going to have to get along with them if he wanted to keep Xander, period. Dawn buried her face in his shoulder and nodded silently. After long moments passed, she sat back. Xander pushed a lock of hair back off her face and smiled. "I'm going to let the rest of your adoring fans come up and get a look at you. You left your public alone for too long. I'll be back to see you soon, though, K?" "Ok." Dawn looked at Spike. "Are you coming back?" "Course I am. Couldn't keep me away." Spike grinned at her and waved as he followed Xander out the door. As they headed down the stairs, Spike saw that Graham's eyes were looking just a little wild. No telling what the Scoobies had done to him. They might have been grilling him for details on his relationship with Xander, or they might just have been reminiscing on some of their high school adventures. Xander shifted his weight back and forth. "I think it's about time we got going," he said. "It's been a big day." He glanced at Willow. "Dawn would like to see you." Willow nodded. "I'll be talking to you later, then." It wasn't a question. "K, mom," Xander teased. "I'll call you." He looked seriously at his friends. "It's going to be all right," he said. "I love them. They love me." Spike glared at Buffy, daring her to doubt. She glared back at him, but said nothing. "Be sure to call," Willow said. "And Spike, Graham? I'll be needed to have a talk with you." Spike wasn't sure why that statement sent Riley off into a choking fit, but he didn't think that the reason was one he would like. Xander shook his head. "I'll call." He ushered Spike and Graham out the door. Graham waved goodbye to Riley and Spike resisted the urge to flash an obscene gesture as he passed through the door. Hey, it was a start. As they walked, Graham looked shakily over at Xander. "You have a very strange group of friends." "Yep," Xander agreed easily. "Try looking at it this way: you have to meet them, but you don't have to meet any in-laws. It all kinda works out in the end." Spike wanted to head off this conversation. He knew about Xander's parents and didn't want to depress the dark-eyed man by making him think about them. "What should we do with the rest of the night? Hit a bar and toast Dawn's recovery?" Graham shook his head. "I'm a little tired; I don't know if I'm up for a bar. We could catch a movie, maybe." Xander shook his head. "I was thinking that maybe we could stay in for the rest of the night. You know, at the apartment and, uh..." He flushed as his voice trailed away. He waved one of his hands back and forth in a vague gesture. Graham raised an eyebrow. "You want to play ping pong?" Spike thought he knew what Xander meant - he knew what he hoped he meant - but he couldn't resist the urge to tease him. "You want to play charades?" "No..." Xander flushed harder. "If you can't say it, Xan, we can't do it." This was important. If Xander was really over the Cynon's influence, then he was ready to move on. But not if he couldn't say it. If he couldn't say it, then he wasn't ready to do it. Xander glared at him. "Fine. You go to a bar. Graham can go to a movie. I'll go home and jerk off, since no one wants to have sex with me." He turned and walked back toward the apartment. ***** The dead silence that followed his challenge was terrifying. Xander was finally ready, finally secure enough in his love and the love offered to him to insist that Spike and Graham stop treating him like he was going to break and get on with things already. He loved waking up in a tangle of limbs, pressed so closely to the other men that he couldn't quite tell where he ended and his lovers began. The sweet kisses and gentle caresses were wonderful, and he'd never grow tired of being cuddled on the couch, wrapped up in comfort and love, strength and warmth, laughter and desire. He suspected making love might be even better though, and he'd really like to find out. Xander understood what his lovers were doing. They weren't going to let anything happen before he was ready for it, weren't going to let him do anything that he would regret or could prompt him into leaving the relationship. He loved them for it, loved the fact that they were willing to wait on him and put their own desires off to the side. The time had come for it to stop, though. It was making him crazy. He loved them, needed them, wanted them. The crushing fear and doubt that had shaken him so hard had finally disappeared, leaving behind only love and trust and desire. The silence behind him stretched, tearing at his nerves. He stopped walking and turned around, finding that both Spike and Graham were staring after him. He cleared his throat, fighting down nervousness. "If you two don't want to split up, you could always rent a movie and pick up a bottle on the way home. I can close the door to the bedroom so I won't disturb you while I'm taking care of business, since no one seems interested in-" He didn't have a chance to finish the sentence; Spike and Graham covered the distance between them with gratifying speed. Spike grabbed his left arm and Graham wrapped his arm around Xander's waist from the other side and together they began to hustle him back toward the apartment. Xander couldn't help the laughter that bubbled out of him. He was a little surprised that his feet were allowed to touch the ground; Graham or Spike could have just picked him up and run back to the apartment to make faster time. "Guys," he said, trying to rein in his amusement. "Guys, this isn't a race. The apartment is going to be there no matter what time we get back." Spike didn't bother to reply; he just held Xander's arm more tightly and increased his speed. Graham shook his head. "Xander, where are we?" "Um, Elm Street?" Blue eyes laughed at him. "Think bigger." Xander thought for a moment. "Oh. Sunnydale. The Hellmouth." "Right. Do you really want to take it for granted that the apartment will be there?" Xander stopped trying to slow the others down. "I think running would be going too far, though." Graham upped the pace another notch. "I'll settle for speed walking." Xander was worried that they'd get jumped by a group demons, but apparently all three of them were putting off such strong vibes of determination that all the night creatures steered clear of them. It felt like it took forever, but they finally reached the apartment. Once they were inside, Xander half-expected to be propelled into the bedroom and for everything to follow from that point. He was surprised and a little relieved when they stopped in the living room. Spike moved to stand directly in front of him, getting in his space and staring solemnly into his eyes. "Last chance, luv. If you're not ready for this, tell us now." Xander nodded. "I'm ready. I don't feel the Cynon's influence anymore. Everything I feel is coming from me. Love." He flushed a little. "Lust." Spike's eyes darkened. "Good." He reached up and traced the tip of his finger over the swell of Xander's lower lip. Behind the vampire, Graham shifted nervously. "I don't know," he said quietly. "I want this - god, both of you know how much I want this - but what if you're wrong, Xander? What if after we do this you get hit with a wave of panic? I don't want to see you go through that again." Xander didn't try to reassure Graham with words. He knew that Graham was only worrying about him, trying to protect him, but he didn't need to anymore. Xander wanted this more than he could remember ever wanting anything. Still, after waiting so long, words weren't going to convince the blue-eyed man. Knowing that, Xander stepped in front of Graham and reached out to cradle the back of the taller man's head in his hand, drawing him down into a kiss. He invaded Graham's mouth aggressively, pushing his whole body into Graham's. Needing Graham to understand how much he wanted this, he ground his erection against the other man in order to erase all lingering doubts. It worked. Graham's hands slid down his body, coming to rest on his hips. Gripping them hard, Graham began to push Xander backwards, moving with him to continue the kiss and the contact. Xander allowed himself to be moved. lost in the taste of Graham, in the feeling of the other man's heat pressed so close to him. He stopped moving when he backed into the bed. Graham felt him stop and pulled away, breaking the kiss to see what had happened. When he realized they'd reached their goal, the soldier grinned at Xander before placing his hands on his shoulders and giving him a deliberate shove. Xander toppled over, bouncing heavily on the bed. "What the hell was that?" he asked. Graham didn't answer; instead, he dropped to his knees and unlaced Xander's shoes. He pulled them off gently and removed the socks as well. Xander propped himself up on his elbows so he could better enjoy the sight. Graham looked up and caught him staring. Holding Xander's gaze, the soldier slowly crawled up the bed, hands and knees straddling Xander's body. He stopped moving once he reached Xander's waist, hands smoothly undoing the fastenings of supine man's jeans. Xander was so fascinated by the sight of Graham's large hands that he jerked in complete surprise when the bed dipped under Spike's weight as the vampire sat beside him. "Enjoying the show, luv?" Spike was also watching Graham's hands with interest. "Yeah." Xander wasn't going to waste precious brain power looking for words. He had to watch Graham tug on jeans. He extended himself as far as a raising his hips up off the bed so the other man could tug his jeans and boxers down his legs. He murmured happily as his erection was freed. "Then you'll enjoy the encore," Spike promised. He grabbed the bottom of Xander's shirt and pulled it up over his head. Xander wriggled on the bed, a little embarrassed to be the only one naked. The frank appreciation in his lovers' eyes made the embarrassment disappear under a wave of lust. "Um, I could be wrong about this, but I'm pretty sure you two need to be naked, too." Spike widened his eyes in mock-surprise. "I do believe you're right." He tossed Xander's shirt to the floor and knelt up on the bed, facing Graham. A wicked little smirk on his face, he pulled Graham's shirt apart, scattering buttons across the bedspread and down to the floor. Ignoring Graham's small noise of protest, Spike finished pulling away the shirt and attacked the soldier's slacks. Graham recovered quickly from the loss of his shirt and removed Spike's clothing with enthusiasm, although he didn't do any damage. Xander held himself motionless, watching as Spike pushed Graham off the bed so he could drag his slacks down and off. While Spike was bent over, Graham pounced, latching onto Spike's jeans and tugging hard. The two men wobbled dangerously as they each struggled to strip the other. Xander couldn't help it; a snicker escaped him. Two pairs of blue eyes fixed on him. Xander clapped his hand over his mouth but it was too late. He'd been caught. Spike and Graham kicked off the remains of their clothing and straightened. Xander tensed, wondering what sort of revenge they'd take. Spike took a step forward, then turned and wrapped his arms around Graham's neck, dragging him down into a fierce kiss. Xander stared unabashedly at the two men, watching as they moved against each other, hands roaming freely over bare skin as the kiss went on and on. Xander's hands crept down his body, curling around his erection. Gaze never wavering from the two men before him, he slowly slid his hands up and down the column of flesh, leisurely pumping himself. A small moan escaped him as he increased the pace slightly. Spike tore away from Graham. "What are you doing?" Xander froze for a moment, then resumed his leisurely strokes. "I told you that if no one wanted to have sex with me, I'd jerk off." To add to the provocation, he arched his back and moved his hands a little faster, a little rougher. He blinked and then Spike was there, pinning his hands down to the bed on either side of his head. "No, no, no, luv. That's not what going to happen." "So we're going to have sex?" Finally. "No." Graham's hands ceased in their exploration of Xander's legs. "No?" "What?" Spike and Xander's questions overlapped. Color rose faintly on Graham's cheeks. "We're going to make love," he said firmly. Xander sat up and cupped Graham's face in his hands, kissing him firmly. "Thank you." Graham smiled at him, then pushed him back down onto the bed. Spike was immediately there, demanding a kiss. Xander gave in, arching into the feeling of cool hands moving over his arms, warm hands sliding up his inner thighs. Xander tried to respond, wanting to stroke his hands over Spike's perfect skin, wanting to taste every part of Graham, but neither man gave him a chance. "Let us, Xander," Spike whispered, nipping at Xander's ear. "Please, luv." Xander gave in, giving himself over to whatever his lovers wanted. He parted his legs to give Graham better access to his erection, moaning into Spike's mouth when Graham took him up on his invitation. Wet warm surrounded him and he arched upwards, wanting more of Graham's mouth. He was held mostly still by Spike's weight over his chest. He couldn't touch Graham so he concentrated on Spike, on the voracious mouth that covered his. He licked at the teeth that occasionally clashed with his own. Spike nearly mewled into his mouth when he did that, so Xander kept it up. He felt Spike's face change against his, felt fangs lengthen and grow. He curled his tongue around one of them, cautiously testing its edge. Spike whimpered. Xander increased his efforts, lapping and sucking at first one fang and then the other, rubbing Spike's back as he arched into the feeling of Spike's fingers on his nipples, Graham's mouth around his flesh. Then Graham's mouth was gone and Xander shouted his protest. He'd been close, so close to finding release. Spike petted and shushed him. "We'll take care of you," he promised, shifting back to his human guise. His words caught in his throat as he spoke. "Soon, Xan." Xander twisted a little, wanting to see what Graham was doing. He watched as Graham curled one hand around Spike's hip, using the other to slide lubricated fingers into the vampire, stretching and preparing him. Spike shifted, turning to kiss Graham. "Thank you, pet." Graham smiled and moved so he was lying beside Xander. He kissed Xander and the dark-eyed man could catch faint tastes of himself. Xander returned the kiss with enthusiasm, until his erection was slowly encased in cool tightness. He gasped, moving away from Graham and staring up at Spike as the vampire slowly lowered himself onto his hardness. Hands fisting the bed covers with the effort of holding himself still, Xander watched as Spike carefully moved so he took in all of Xander. Spike raised an eyebrow. "Waiting for a written invitation, are you?" He raised himself up then dropped back down. Xander didn't need any more provocation. He thrust upwards, panting at the feel of tightness and friction and Spike, the closeness he was finally feeling enough to make him dizzy. Graham reached out with his still-lubricated hand and loosely fisted Spike's erection, pumping him in time with Xander's thrusts. Xander joined his hand to Graham's, lacing their fingers around the hard flesh. Together they stroked Spike to orgasm, which triggered Xander's own. With a final thrust upwards he came, a sigh shuddering out of him as he relaxed back onto the bed. Spike leaned down to kiss him leisurely, swallowing Xander's whimper of disappointment as he slipped from Spike's body. Graham's fingers remained tangled with his own, stroking a little in a calming gesture. Xander turned to face him and saw that the blue-eyed man still hadn't come. He wriggled underneath Spike, wanting to rectify that. "Spike..." The vampire raised his head. "Hm?" He caught the direction of Xander's gaze. "Can't have that, can we, pet?" he asked, leering at Graham. He stretched, then easily slid over so he was on top of Graham. Xander summoned up enough energy to roll over to his side, giving them a little more room and himself a better view. Spike straddled Graham's legs, looking over the muscled body with obvious appreciation. "So very edible," he murmured, tongue sweeping across his lower lip. "Where to begin?" Graham thrust upwards. "How about with dessert?" Leaning down, Spike shifted his aim at the very last moment so his lips trailed over the edges of Graham's pelvis, snarling a little as he gently scored the delicate skin with his teeth. Ignoring Graham's muttered curses, he worked his way upwards, licking a path to the blue-eyed man's nipples. Xander leaned in closer, not wanting to miss any of it. Graham was muttering threats the entire times as Spike worked the puckered nubs with lips, teeth, and fingers, but his hands were buried in the vampire's hair, encouraging him to continue. Spike slowly retraced his path downward, this time obeying Graham's pleas and swirling his tongue over the head of his erection. Using one hand to control Graham's frantic thrusts, Spike used the other to stroke the panting man's stomach, balls, and inner thighs, teasing him as he slowly took in more and more of the hard flesh. Not able to just watch any longer, Xander moved closer and licked away the sweat on Graham's collar bone, then kissed his way over to one inviting nipple. He lapped at it gently, then scraped his teeth across it. Graham's breath caught and he came, one hand splayed over Xander's back to press him close. A glance down the length of Graham's body revealed Spike looking almost insufferably smug. Xander decided a little sulking was in order, just to see if he could get that look off his face. "Selfish," he accused. "I wanted Graham to fuck me." Laughter rumbled up inside of Graham's chest, pleasant vibrations that made Xander cuddle even closer. "I think we could do something about that," Graham mused. His voice became serious. "I want to make love to you." Xander turned his head so he could face the other man. "Make love," he agreed again. So long has he didn't tell anyone about, he supposed it wasn't too unmanly that he melted every time Graham insisted on calling it making love. He pulled himself up the blue-eyed man so he could kiss him, telling him in actions how he appreciated that insistence. Graham pulled him closer, sweat easing the friction between them so their chests slid in wonderfully slippery ways against each other. Just as he was beginning to wonder where Spike was, Xander felt slippery fingers gently brush over the entrance to his body. He jumped a little, and Spike was instantly there, murmuring reassurances in his ear. "It's all right, love. I'm not going to hurt you. I could never hurt you." Xander relaxed, tilting his head to give Graham's nipping teeth better access to his throat. "I'm good. You surprised me, that's all." "You sure, luv?" "If you stop I'm going to have to hurt you," Xander said. "That might ruin the mood." Spike pressed a wet kiss to the nape of his neck and then the fingers were back, probing gently. Xander concentrated on kissing Graham, on the feel of hot flesh against his own. It had been a while since he'd done this and it took a little while for him to get accustomed to the feeling of being stretched. Spike took his time and Xander was soon rocking in time with the movements of Spike's hand. The fingers disappeared and after a pause, Spike moved to grasp Xander's hips, shifting his position. "Luv?" the vampire asked. "Please," Xander said, smiling as Graham held him even tighter. He gasped a little as Spike slowly entered him, moving forward in a single slow glide. It didn't hurt, exactly; the initial burn was something he'd missed once he and Alan had parted ways. Spike held himself motionless, cool hands moving in soothing patterns over Xander's back. Not wanting to set off the chip, Xander gave himself plenty of time to get used to the sensation of being filled, then thrust back against Spike. The blond man responded with another slow thrust, and then again. As Xander regained his confidence, the languid thrusting became a maddening tease. He tried to push back harder in order to encourage Spike to speed things up, but the vampire didn't take the hint. Frustrated, Xander began to rub his erection against Graham's seeking friction and release that way. Just as he found a rhythm that was working, Spike pulled him backwards, thrusting deep within him and pulling Xander to kneel up over Graham. Xander tried to drop his hands down to bring himself relief, but Graham caught his wrists. Xander hissed his frustration. All wide-eyed and innocent, Graham stared up at him. "I thought you wanted me to make love to you?" "After," Xander agreed. "After I come." He thrust back harder against Spike, but couldn't quite get enough stimulation to send himself over the edge. "Please." "Wait your turn, luv," Spike purred into his ear, worrying at the lobe with his teeth. He began to thrust faster and harder, rubbing over Xander's prostate but denying him the little extra touch that was needed for the dark-eyed man to come. "Evil," Xander gasped out. "Yes," Spike agreed. After a few nearly violent thrusts the vampire buried his face in Xander's neck, sucking hard at the skin as he came. Wincing a little as Spike pulled out, Xander glared down at Graham. "Thanks." "You're welcome." Graham beamed up at him before launching himself upwards, knocking Xander over so their positions were switched: Xander was pinned to the mattress as Graham stared down at him with laughing eyes. Xander watched as Spike slicked lube over Graham's hardness, pale fingers teasing even as they prepared. "That's mine," he growled. Spike laughed at him, then kissed Graham thoroughly before lying down close beside Xander, gaze avid as he watched both men. Xander flushed a little under the scrutiny, then wrapped his legs around Graham's waist, gasping a little as the other man carefully entered him. Like Spike, Graham refused to move until Xander nodded and pushed back against him, giving him permission. Graham set a steady rhythm of thrusts, straightforward and without teasing, staring down into Xander's eyes, watching him carefully the entire time. When a cool hand curled around his erection, Xander cried out and thrust raggedly between Spike's hand around him and Graham's hardness within him, chasing completion. A few more moments and he came wailing, feeling Graham shudder above him and come as well. Panting hard, Xander shared weary kisses with Graham, slow and sweet. He looked for Spike and felt a moment's panic when he couldn't find the vampire. Before he could get upset, Spike returned to his view, damp washcloths in hand. Xander allowed his lovers to gently clean his skin: if they wanted to coddle him, who was he to complain? Graham tugged the bedcover off the bed and shoved it to the floor, leaving them with clean sheets. Xander settled down between his lovers, shivering when Spike's lips ghosted over the bruise on his neck. "You didn't bite," he said quietly. "No," Spike said. "Time's not right." Xander nodded. He knew that not everything was settled. Making love wasn't an end; it was a beginning. Xander realized that not with dread, but with happiness and anticipation. He could hardly wait to find out what would happen next for them. There was no way he could know the future, but he didn't need to. So long as he trusted Graham and Spike, that was all the assurance he needed. "I love you," he said quietly, kissing Graham and then Spike, near chaste kisses that were barely more than the lightest brushes of lips. "Love you, Xan," Spike said, expression solemn. "Love you," Graham agreed, nodding seriously. Xander watched as Graham and Spike leaned over top him to share a brief kiss and a smile. The words might not be there for them yet, but they would be. The feelings already were. He closed his eyes, concentrating on the feeling of being so close to the two people he loved most. It was a helluva beginning, and he was going to believe that it would only get better. He was going to trust in his lovers and trust in himself. He had finally found it: the place where he belonged. ***** End