Title:  Uncommon Distractions
Author:  Kay
Email:  kaygrr@hotmail.com
Feedback:  Please?  Because watching a grown girl cry is just pathetic.
Website:  ssfdu.tripod.com/kay/journal.htm (love for Sandy) Archive:  Just
let me know, eh? Fandom:  Buffy Pairing:  (Xander/Graham) + (Xander/Spike)
= Xander/Graham/Spike Rating:  PG-13 Disclaimer:  Mine?  What? *These*? 
No, they're Mutant Enemy's.  They just followed me home and wouldn't leave
until I played with them. Spoilers:  The last season of Buffy.  The
incident with Glory, and the ep "The Body".  (Look at me, trying to be
vague).  And that ugly rumor about Spike and a certain blond slayer? 
Never happened. Summery:  Graham and Riley are called back to Sunnydale
when the area destabilizes.  When they return, they discover there are new
factors in lives of the Scooby Gang, especially in Xander and Spike's.

Part 13/?

As the rising sun finally shone through his window, Xander gave up on all
pretenses of sleep.  He'd been restless all night, dark thoughts and a
heavy heart bringing him out of fitful dreams again and again.  He'd slept
a little at first, but for the past few hours he had been faking it,
hoping that the semblance of sleep might at least make him feel rested. 
Xander gave up and climbed out of bed.  He stood in the middle of his room
and stared wearily at his closet.  What was he going to do today?  It was
his day off, so he didn't have to worry about work.

Great.  So he could spend the whole day thinking about how badly he'd
fucked up his life.

Xander shook himself.  Thinking like that wasn't going to get him
anywhere.  It would just drive him back into bed...or maybe under it.  The
only thing that was going to keep him going was work.  If he didn't have
to go into his day job, then he could work on the one he did at night. 
He'd made a promise to Spike not to do anything without him, but he
couldn't stay in the apartment all day and wait for night to fall.  He'd
find a way to make it up to Spike later.

Dressing quickly, Xander left the apartment as quietly as he could,
knowing that Spike would be sleeping to deeply to notice anything except
maybe a war.  Hands shoved deeply into his pockets, he walked to the
cemetery, thoughts whirling around in his mind in endless spirals. 
Graham's words echoed in his memory:  'I wasted a lot of dreams on you'. 
Had those dreams been wasted?  Xander hadn't been trying to play with
Graham; he'd been attracted to the other man and had fallen in love with
him.  Those feelings had been real...but so were his feelings for Spike. 
He didn't understand how he could be in love with two people at the same
time.  What was wrong with him?  The thing that frightened him most was
the thought that maybe he wasn't really in love with either Graham or
Spike.  Maybe he only thought he was.  Maybe he didn't know what love was
and he was confusing something else for it.

More confused than when he left the house, Xander reached the Cynon's
crypt. 
  He hesitated for a moment outside.  He didn't want to go in without
knowing that Spike would be outside, waiting for him and looking out for
him.  Damning himself as a coward, he forced himself to enter.  The
interior was shadowed even in daylight and Xander stared hard through the
darkness.  "Hello?"

The Cynon glided out of the far corner, appearing out of the shadows to
leer down at Xander.  "I didn't expect you to return so quickly."

"I'm full of surprises," Xander said.  "Let's do this."

"Eager today?  Good."  The Cynon moved closer, circling around him with
predatory grace.  "I have something special planned."  It leaned closer,
staring at him in obvious anticipation.  "Rejection."  It said the word
slowly, drawing it out, savoring it.

Xander shuddered a little but he refused to look away.  "Can you hurry
this up?  I've got plans for later."

The Cynon inclined its head and raised its hand, reaching out toward
Xander's face but stopping just short of making contact.  "Feel," it
whispered.

Xander felt.  The memories of a lifetime of rejection coursed through him,
replaying in his mind as if new once more.  Every time his parents ignored
him in favor of watching the television or yelling at each other.  Every
time the cool kids had walked right past him as if he didn't exist.  Every
time his friends left him behind without even considering bringing him
along.  Every time he lost a job.  Anya leaving him.  Graham turning his
back on him and walking away.

The last ripped through him.  He'd had no time to get used to it, to try
to build any kind of scar tissue over it.  He could see the disappointment
and hurt and anger in Graham's eye, the hints of disgust in his voice, the
angry line of his back as he walked away.  The latest rejection, it cut
the deepest, hurt the most.

He couldn't put a good face on it, couldn't pretend that it didn't touch
him.  Tears ran down his cheeks and he didn't try to stop them; at least
they obscured the face of the Cynon, leering down at him.  He let the
tears run freely and was grateful for the blindness that they brought.

Finally, the Cynon released its hold on his emotions.  The flood of
memories ceased, but the tears continued to come.  He twisted away
violently, facing the wall and wrapping his arms about himself tightly. 
He drew in breath in huge gasps, fighting for control.  It was a hard-won
battle but he eventually repressed the tears and slowed his breathing back
down to normal. 
  He scrubbed his hands over his face, wiping away the last of the tears. 
  
He closed his eyes, trying to sort through all the information in his
head.  There were vampires in the northernmost cemetery, demons
encroaching on the east side neighborhoods, and some new demons in the
wood in the north.

Wait.  Xander could visualize the demons in the woods, could see them as
they infested an abandoned cabin.  He recognized them.  Relatives of
theirs had moved through Sunnydale three years ago.  Buffy had been
inclined to leave them be; they didn't bother humans but instead targeted
vampires, preferring to feast on dead flesh.  The Scoobies had only gotten
involved with the demons began to desecrate graves in search of more food.
 They were tough and nasty and they would swarm all over Spike the moment
they saw him, dragging him down by sheer weight of numbers and make him
their next meal..

Not looking at the Cynon, Xander walked out of the crypt and into the
sunshine.  The warmth of the day didn't touch him.  The knowledge of what
he had to do filled him, numbing him to everything else except his
purpose.  He didn't have a lot of time.  He was going to have to retrieve
a few weapons from a secret stash he kept near his parents' house.  During
the confusion of the Initiative's departure from Sunnydale, he'd managed
to appropriate several weapons for himself.  The just-in-case scenario
he'd half-imagined was finally occurring, so it was time to pull them out
of storage.

Before he did that, he was going to have to take care of a few personal
things.  He walked swiftly back to his apartment, keeping himself focused
on the task he had set for himself.  He eased into the apartment, careful
to stay quiet.  Morning was still barely beginning so Spike would still be
heavily asleep, but he didn't want to take any chances.

He made his way to his bedroom and reached under his bed, pulling out the
thick envelope he had hidden away.  He didn't like to think about the
envelope's contents, but he'd always known he was going to need them.  He
just hadn't expected it to be so soon.  He sat down on the bed and laid
the envelope down beside him.  He then opened up the drawer in his
nightstand and pulled out three sheets of paper and a pen.  Using the
envelope to bear down on, he quickly wrote three new letters.  He folded
two of them, addressing them with names and then slid them into the
envelope.  The third he folded and addressed, but he left it on his bed.

Xander stood and walked over to his closet, pulling out a pair of jeans
and a long sleeved shirt.  He needed old clothes, comfortable and tough. 
He removed his clothes and pulled the ones he'd chosen on, taking comfort
in the familiarity of them against his skin.  He picked up the envelope
and glanced at the folder letter he'd left on the bed.  He hesitated for a
moment, but he really didn't have a better place to leave it.  He'd have
to just leave it there and hope for the best.

He knew he should just leave, take the envelope and get out, but he
couldn't resist the impulse to look in on Spike.  He crept over to the
second bedroom and eased the door open.  He peered in through the crack. 
Spike lay beneath the sheets, the pale perfect muscles of his back and
shoulders revealed as he slept on his stomach, arms wrapped around the
pillow that he hugged to his chest.

Xander wanted to push the door open, to enter the room fully and stand
beside the bed.  He wanted to stroke his hands over the blond hair, to
feel the smooth muscles and inhale Spike's scent.  He wanted to kiss the
vampire again.  He wanted...but he couldn't have.  It was finally all
clear to him:  Spike had told him the night before that he didn't care
about Sunnydale or anyone in the town but Xander.  He was hanging around a
place he hated, tied there because Xander was never going to go anywhere
or accomplish anything.  He morbidly wondered which would be worse: 
having Spike stay in Sunnydale and hate every moment of it and know that
he was responsible for the vampire's unhappiness, or having Spike leave
him behind when he could no longer resist the urge to move on?  Xander
didn't think he could face either possibility, so no matter how much he
wanted to see those depthless blue eyes again, he couldn't.  Waking Spike
up would ruin everything, so he forced himself to close the door and walk
away, walk out of the apartment and out onto the street.

He paused on the street corner, holding the envelope under one arm while
he fed quarters into the pay phone that stood there.  He dialed the number
he had gotten from Graham one night on patrol.  He felt his throat tighten
as he listened to the phone ring, terrified that no one would pick up,
terrified that some one would pick up.

After four rings, someone did pick up.  "Hello?"  Riley.

Xander cleared his throat.  "It's Xander."

"What do you want?"  Riley's tone immediately became cold.

"I need to meet with you."

"Why?  Are there some head games you and your vampire forgot to play?"

Xander closed his eyes.  "Riley..."  Arguing wouldn't do any good.  "I
need you to do something for me.  I know I shouldn't ask, but there's no
one else."

"What about Spike?  He seemed to be taking care of all your needs just
fine."

"Please.  There's no one else."

Riley sighed.  "What do you want?"

"Just meet me.  Now."

"Where?"

"In front of the Bronze."  It was a pretty neutral location and it was on
the way to his weapons cache.

"Fine."  Riley hung up without saying anything more.

Xander exhaled shakily, then hung up the phone and headed for the Bronze. 
He glanced around the streets as he made his way there, remembering
everything that he'd experienced in Sunnydale.  The ice cream shop he'd
visited so often with Willow.  A music store he and Buffy had hung out in.
 The street corner where he'd almost died when set upon by vampires.  The
alley shortcut that he always took after being left behind once again...he
forced himself to concentrate on the present.  He had to get to the Bronze
in time.  There was no way Riley was going to wait around for him.

He made it just in time; Riley was standing beside his SUV, looking ready
to leave.  He didn't move when Xander came into sight.  He just continued
to lean back against the vehicle, arms crossed over his chest.  He stared
silently at Xander.

Xander walked up to him and held out the envelope.  "I'll keep this short.
 If you don't hear from me in a few days, could you please give this to
Giles?"

Riley made no move to take the envelope.  "Why can't your pet vampire do
it for you?"

If this all went wrong, Spike wasn't going to have any interest in doing
Xander any favors.  If by some miracle things when right, he still didn't
want to chance Spike finding the envelope; it would send the vampire out
looking for him and that was the last thing Xander wanted to happen. 
Spike had to stay away from the woods until the demons were gone and he
was no longer in danger.  "Please, Riley."

"Fine."  Riley snatched the envelope, then opened up the door to his
vehicle.

Guess the conversation was over.  As Xander watched Riley drive away, he
realized how much he'd been hoping Graham would come.  He'd dreaded seeing
the blue-eyed man again, but it would have been nice to see him one last
time.  Judging by how much it hurt inside that he wasn't going to get that
chance, he'd been more than half in love with Graham.

Xander shook himself and looked at his watch.  That didn't matter now.  He
didn't have much time.  He still had to get to his weapons cache and out
to the woods, and he had to do it all during daylight hours if he wanted
to make sure that Spike didn't have a chance to interfere.  Swallowing
hard, he walked quickly northwards.

It was time to end this.

*****