Title:  Uncommon Distractions
Author:  Kay
Email:  kaygrr@hotmail.com
Feedback:  Please?  Because watching a grown girl cry is just pathetic.
Website:  ssfdu.tripod.com/kay/journal.htm (love for Sandy) Archive:  Just
let me know, eh? Fandom:  Buffy Pairing:  (Xander/Graham) + (Xander/Spike)
= Xander/Graham/Spike Rating:  PG-13 Disclaimer:  Mine?  What? *These*? 
No, they're Mutant Enemy's.  They just followed me home and wouldn't leave
until I played with them. Spoilers:  The last season of Buffy.  The
incident with Glory, and the ep "The Body".  (Look at me, trying to be
vague).  And that ugly rumor about Spike and a certain blond slayer? 
Never happened. Summery:  Graham and Riley are called back to Sunnydale
when the area destabilizes.  When they return, they discover there are new
factors in lives of the Scooby Gang, especially in Xander and Spike's.

Part 16/?

Xander rolled over and hissed as his head protested the movement.  The
pain roused him out of sleep and he opened his eyes slowly.  As he opened
his eyes, he frowned in puzzlement.  He was in his room.  Why?  He'd set
out to wipe out the Kladdersh demons and he'd held no illusions about his
chances of survival.

Memory slowly returned to him.  He'd gathered up the supplies he'd wanted,
then headed over to a crypt that was housing a half-dozen vampires.  Old
enough so that they knew him to be a friend of the Slayer, he'd woken them
up and stood in the sunlight taunting them.  He'd called them stupid and
unimaginative, laughing at them for being held prisoner by sunlight when
it was so easy to cover up and walk about free.  A conveniently placed
pile of tarps guaranteed that the vampires would grab them and try out the
idea he'd just handed to them.  They had chased him, just as he had been
sure they would.  He'd counted on the tarps to slow them down as they
avoided the sun as best they could.  Xander had led the angry vampires to
the cabin the Kladdersh had moved into.  The Kladdersh had been drawn
outside by the noise and the promise of a mid-day snack.

Everything had gone perfectly to plan.  The Kladdersh went outside and ate
the vampires, and while they were occupied Xander was able to take over
the house, driving the demons away with bursts of gunfire.  When the
Kladdersh had retreated to the woods, Xander had placed the explosives and
retreated to the upper floor, waiting for the Kladdersh to return. 
Waiting for the end.

His eyes widened as he remembered how things had actually turned out.  The
last thing he could remember was fear pouring through his veins at the
thought that Spike would be skewered by a chunk of wooden debris and end
up dusted.  He couldn't remember much after that thought.  He was pretty
sure the pounding in his head signaled that some piece of wood had caught
him upside the head.

He felt some of the fear return.  What had happened to Spike?  What had
happened to Graham?  Someone must have made it out all right, since he'd
gotten back to his bedroom, but they could have been injured.  God, what
if they'd been hurt because of him?

He dragged himself to his feet, groaning as the throbbing in his head
intensified a thousendfold.  The world swirled around him in sickening
spirals and he had to close his eyes and swallow hard to fight down the
nausea.  After a few deep breaths, he walked to the doorway, moving slowly
to compensate for his aching head.  Just before he could grasp the door
handle, the door to his bedroom swung open.

Graham stared at him.  "You're awake!"  He turned and called over his
shoulder, "He's awake," then turned back to face Xander.  "How are you
feeling?"

"I..."  Xander's words were washed away by another wave of nausea and he
raised one of his hands to his aching head.

"You shouldn't be out of bed," Graham scolded.  "Come on, back in you go."

A warm arm slid around Xander's waist and guided him back to the bed. 
Xander went along with it; it was get back into bed or collapse on the
floor.  The bed was softer.  He watched in confusion as Graham arranged
the blankets on top of him.  "What's going on?"

"How much do you remember?"  There was poorly concealed anxiety in
Graham's gaze.

"Everything up to the point where my head got hit with a chunk of the
house. 
  I think it was a part of the house."

"It was.  You were out cold, so we brought you back here.  Another hour of
you not waking up and I was going to drag you to the hospital."

"You're all right?"  Xander looked the other man over carefully.  He
couldn't see any signs of injury.

"I'm fine," Graham promised.

Xander nodded vaguely.  He wasn't sure if he was glad to be awake or not. 
He'd had it all planned so perfectly; he was going to solve the problem of
the Kladdersh and all of his own problems at once.  What was Graham doing
here now?  The soldier didn't want to have anything to do with him, so why
had he saved Xander's life?  Why was he playing concerned nurse?

Xander's muddled thoughts brought another worry to his attention. 
"Where's Spike?" he asked, sitting bolt upright.  He immediately regretted
it as his head began to pound, but he did his best to ignore the pain. 
"Was he hurt?"

"I'm fine."  Spike was there at the other side of the bed, putting
something on the nightstand before gently easing Xander back down onto the
mattress.  "Don't do that to yourself, pet.  The worst any of us got was a
bit of dust and splinters in the hair.  You're the only one that got
hurt."  His expression darkened.  "You're the only one who went off on his
own looking for a fight he couldn't possibly win."

Xander turned his face away, but that just left him facing Graham.  There
was nowhere he could escape to:  any way he turned, he was going to be
faced with a man he had betrayed.  He couldn't figure out why they were
there:  how could they still care after what he'd done to them?  He tried
to burrow underneath his pillow and failed miserably to suppress the cry
of pain the motion produced.

The pillows were lifted away from his head and hands gripped his shoulders
and pulled with steady insistence until he rolled back over onto his back.
 He kept his eyes stubbornly closed for a moment, then sighed and opened
them.  He deserved whatever they had to say to him.  Maybe after they were
done yelling they'd leave and he'd be able to figure out what he was going
to do next.

The explosives hadn't worked.  He was going to have to try something else.

Graham reached out and touched his temple carefully.  "How bad's your
head?"

Xander blinked.  Maybe his head injury was worse than he'd thought. 
Graham wasn't mad; he was worried.  "I can handle it."

"Drink this, luv."  Spike held a glass of juice out to him.

Xander took the glass and drank from it mechanically.  Spike's anger was
gone; only the barest hints of it remained in the tight set of his
shoulders and the crease between his eyebrows.  Xander couldn't figure out
what they were waiting for.  Did they want to make sure that he was all
right and completely aware before laying into him?  He reached over toward
the night stand, intending to put down his glass, but Spike took it and
did it for him.

That was it.  Now that the glass was gone, it was going to come.  The
final recriminations and then they'd both walk away from him, leaving him
alone.  He blinked hard and waited for it to start.

Spike reached out and laid his hand on Xander's chest, right over his
heart. 
  "You had a nasty knock to the head, but you're going to be all right. 
  The 
headache will pass and you'll be fine."  On Xander's other side, Graham
nodded his agreement.

Xander couldn't take anymore.  He had no idea what was going on and he
couldn't just lay there and wonder when they were going to walk away. 
"What's going on?" he asked.

"I explained that to you," Graham said, a worried frown creasing his brow.
 "You said you remembered everything up until you were knocked out."

"What's going on now?"  Xander knew that as soon as he pushed this Graham
was going to walk away and he was never going to see him again, that Spike
would finally release his hold on his anger and then the vampire would be
gone as well.  "Why are you here?  Why are you acting like you care," he
looked over at Spike, "and why are you hiding the fact that you're so
pissed you're cursing the chip because you can't smash my face in?"

Spike's hand bunched into a fist, rumpling the material of Xander's shirt.
 "I'm pissed because you didn't wait for me.  You went off on your own and
damn near got yourself killed because-"

"Enough."  Graham's single quiet word silenced Spike.  As the vampire
contritely smoothed out the wrinkles in Xander's shirt, Graham held
Xander's gaze.  "I'm here because I almost lost you.  Forever, I mean. 
You almost died and I had to think about what life would be like if there
was never any possibility that I'd ever see you again.  Thinking about
that made everything clear:  I couldn't let you die, couldn't let you
leave my life forever.  That's why I came after you."  Graham reached out
and placed one hand over Xander's.  "Riley and I opened your letter to
Giles.  That's how we found out and as soon as I realized what was
happening I was out the door and looking for the blue demon."

"I found my letter early," Spike said, moving his hand in soothing circles
over Xander's chest.  "Soon as I figured out you were up to something, I
went after the Cynon.  Ran into Graham and Riley at the crypt and then we
all went looking for you.  You know what happened when we found you."

Xander thought he knew what they were trying to say, but he couldn't
accept it.  He must be misunderstanding them, letting useless hope twist
their words.  "But why are you still here?" he asked plaintively, needing
them to make it plain so his stupid heart would let him hear the truth
instead of his own foolish dreams.

"We're here for the same reason that you went after the Kladdersh on your
own instead of taking Spike," Graham said.  "Love."  He leaned forward and
pressed his lips gently to Xander's in a sweet kiss.  He sat back after a
moment, barely giving Xander a chance to respond, but continued to hold
Xander's hand between both of his own.

"Exactly," Spike agreed.  "Love."  He moved forward and bent his head,
covering Xander's lips with his own.

Xander responded to Spike's kiss, wanting more of the gentle caress.  It
was amazing - Graham and Spike were both there, they were safe and they
still cared about him and they weren't fighting or anything.  It was
unbelievable and perfect and all he'd ever wanted.

Xander twisted away from Spike and tore his hand from Graham's grasp. 
"No," he said, shaking his head.

"Xan, what's wrong?"  Graham reached for him again.

Shrinking away from the touch, Xander looked back and forth between the
two men staring down at him.  "Everything," he answered.  "Everything is
wrong.  This isn't right.  Neither of you want this.  You're just
over-reacting because you thought I was going to die.  This isn't fair to
either of you."

"Xan-" Spike tried to speak, but Xander didn't give him a chance.

"No!  You don't want this.  You're just putting up with it because you're
scared.  But as soon as you get over that, you're going to realize that
you're stuck in a situation that you hate because I'm too weak to make up
my mind."  Xander closed his eyes.  "Just stop and get out of here now,
both of you."  It would tear him apart when they left, but better it
happen now then later.  Losing them now would be nothing compared to what
he would feel when they figured out that they couldn't live with him
loving both of them.  Right now they were willing to put up with his
fucked up heart, but how long could that last?  When they recovered from
the fear of nearly losing him, they'd walk away and leave him and he
didn't want to feel that, couldn't stand even contemplating it.

"No."  A single word spoken by two voices.

Xander opened his eyes.  "Go," he said.  "I don't want you here."

"Shame about that," Spike said, sitting down on the edge of the bed. 
"Because there's nowhere else I want to be."

Graham sat down on the other side of the bed.  "I feel the same way,
Xander. 
  I'm not going anywhere.  We're going to find a way to work this out."

Xander shook his head stubbornly.  "You're both crazy."

"Probably," Spike agreed.  "But we'll worry about that later, too.  Right
now, you're going to finish this juice and sleep."  He picked up the glass
and held it out to Xander.

Xander didn't want to take it, didn't want to take anything from either of
them at that point, but his mouth was dry and the glass was half-full so
he snatched it anyway.  He drank it quickly and shoved the glass back at
Spike. 
  If the vampire was going to make him drink it, the vampire could also
  pick 
up after him.

Spike took the glass and placed it back on the night stand.  "Get some
rest, and when you wake up I'll give you something to deal with the
headache."  He reached for Xander and ignored his resistance, pulling him
into a tight embrace.  "Almost lost you, luv," the vampire murmured. 
"Don't think I've ever been so scared."  He turned his face and kissed
Xander's neck, his jaw, his cheekbone.  He leaned back and stared into
Xander's eyes.  "We're going to make things all right again, Xander.  I
promise you that."  A brief kiss to his lips and then Spike released him
and stood up.

Before Xander had a chance to react to Spike's actions, Graham was there,
one hand brushing over the top of Xander's hair and the other sliding
around his waist, pulling him into another hug.  He nuzzled at Xander's
ear for a moment before whispering, "I felt something inside me start to
curl up and die when I realized that I might not ever see you again.  I
know what's important now, Xander.  It was almost too high a price, but I
know now.  I'm staying here and we're going to make things right.  I swear
we will."  He brushed a kiss against the corner of Xander's mouth and
stood as well.  "We'll talk when you wake up."

Xander sank deeper into the mattress as weariness tugged at him.  He
wanted to believe them, wanted so badly to trust in their voices and their
touches and the way they held his gaze as though he was the only thing in
the world that mattered.  As he gave into sleep, Xander decided to believe
for a little while.  It couldn't hurt to pretend for a few moments that
everything would work out.  The last thing he was aware of as he drifted
off was the sight of two men hovering at his bedside as though to stand
sentry for him even in his dreams.

*****