Essay Answer


This was the bonus question to the exam posed by Mona a long time ago at the end of her Q series.  And it took me this long to come up with this response.

7.  Bonus essay question:  Write a 500-word essay including
Tom, Chakotay, jodhpurs, and a riding crop.  Drool optional.

Hm...Tom, Cha, jodhpurs, and a riding crop?  And only 500 words?  How's about this<g>...



Tom Paris stormed into his quarters, riding crop rhythmically smacking against his
knee-high leather boots, followed closely by his beautiful, blushing lover.  (Writer note: well, even blushing, he is gorgeous, wouldn't you agree? *grin*)

"I can't believe you, Cha.  How embarrassing.  Just tell me, am I cursed?  Is that it?  I
must be.  Otherwise, how would you explain me ending up with the only Indian in the
universe that can't make a fire *or* ride a horse?"

*pace* *smack* *pace* *smack*

"But, Tommy!"

*Holds hand up in classic, don't go there, gesture*

"Don't even try.  You are not going to be able to fix this.  How could you let me think
you knew how to ride?  I never would have signed us up for the Voyager's Answer to Willie Shoemaker Competition, if I'd known the truth.  Who'd believe that a grown man could be afraid of a horse anyway?  They're not even real horses!  It's not like they could hurt you, for gods' sake."

"But, Tommy!"

*pace* *smack* *pace* *smack*

"I'm not ready to listen to you, yet.  Give me another minute or two to vent."

*pace* *smack* *pace* *smack* *pace* *smack* *pace* *smack*

"Okay, I'm ready now.  What do you have to say for yourself?"

*blushing to an even darker shade of red*

"It's not that I can't ride.  It's just, well..."

*smack* *smack* *smack* *smack*

"I'm getting impatient here, Cha.  Just spit it out."

*mumble* *mumble* *mumble*

"What was that?  Come on, it can't be that bad."

*blushing to an interesting crimson color*

"The jodhpurs make my *mumble* *mumble*."

"Cha, don't make me use this crop on you.  Tell me now, or take the consequences."

*scarlet color now spreading down neck*

"The jodhpurs make my ass look fat!"

*snort* *choke* *fall onto floor laughing ass off*

"We're not all tall and skinny, you know.  Some of us have weight issues!  Didn't you go through a chunky-faced period for a while there yourself, huh, Chipmunk Cheeks?"

*tall, currently skinny pilot continues rolling around on floor*

"It wasn't *that* funny."

*choke* *gasp* *attempt to speak cut off by more laughter*

"Tom, come on.  You're going to hurt yourself, if you don't stop laughing like that.  Are you even breathing anymore?"

*worriedly checks breathing of purple-faced lover*

"Tommy, you're scaring me, babe.  Breathe, that's it, just breathe."

"Cha."  *gasp* "You know I love you, right?" *gasp*

"Yes.  And I love you too."

"Then, please keep that in mind when I tell you..."


"Get your ass in the bedroom, and get those jodhpurs on this instant, or I swear I won't be responsible for the conseqeunces!"


"I said move it, and I mean now!  Don't make me use this thing on you."  *smack* *smack* *smack* *smack*

*cowed Commander slinks into bedroom, and shimmies his not so fat butt into a pair of jodhpurs that do indeed make it look fat*

"See, Tom.  I told you so."

"Cha, don't you get it yet?  Jodhpurs make *everyone's* asses look fat!"

The End
(sorry I just couldn't help myself)


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