This was the bonus question to the exam posed by Mona a long time ago at the end of her Q series. And it took me this long to come up with this response.
7. Bonus essay question: Write a 500-word essay including
Tom, Chakotay, jodhpurs, and a riding crop. Drool optional.
Hm...Tom, Cha, jodhpurs, and a riding crop? And only 500 words? How's about this<g>...
Tom Paris stormed into his quarters, riding crop rhythmically smacking against his
knee-high leather boots, followed closely by his beautiful, blushing lover. (Writer note: well, even blushing, he is gorgeous, wouldn't you agree? *grin*)
"I can't believe you, Cha. How embarrassing. Just tell me, am I cursed? Is that it? I
must be. Otherwise, how would you explain me ending up with the only Indian in the
universe that can't make a fire *or* ride a horse?"
*pace* *smack* *pace* *smack*
*Holds hand up in classic, don't go there, gesture*
"Don't even try. You are not going to be able to fix this. How could you let me think
you knew how to ride? I never would have signed us up for the Voyager's Answer to Willie Shoemaker Competition, if I'd known the truth. Who'd believe that a grown man could be afraid of a horse anyway? They're not even real horses! It's not like they could hurt you, for gods' sake."
*pace* *smack* *pace* *smack*
"I'm not ready to listen to you, yet. Give me another minute or two to vent."
*pace* *smack* *pace* *smack* *pace* *smack* *pace* *smack*
"Okay, I'm ready now. What do you have to say for yourself?"
*blushing to an even darker shade of red*
"It's not that I can't ride. It's just, well..."
*smack* *smack* *smack* *smack*
"I'm getting impatient here, Cha. Just spit it out."
*mumble* *mumble* *mumble*
"What was that? Come on, it can't be that bad."
*blushing to an interesting crimson color*
"The jodhpurs make my *mumble* *mumble*."
"Cha, don't make me use this crop on you. Tell me now, or take the consequences."
*scarlet color now spreading down neck*
"The jodhpurs make my ass look fat!"
*snort* *choke* *fall onto floor laughing ass off*
"We're not all tall and skinny, you know. Some of us have weight issues! Didn't you go through a chunky-faced period for a while there yourself, huh, Chipmunk Cheeks?"
*tall, currently skinny pilot continues rolling around on floor*
"It wasn't *that* funny."
*choke* *gasp* *attempt to speak cut off by more laughter*
"Tom, come on. You're going to hurt yourself, if you don't stop laughing like that. Are you even breathing anymore?"
*worriedly checks breathing of purple-faced lover*
"Tommy, you're scaring me, babe. Breathe, that's it, just breathe."
"Cha." *gasp* "You know I love you, right?" *gasp*
"Yes. And I love you too."
"Then, please keep that in mind when I tell you..."
"Get your ass in the bedroom, and get those jodhpurs on this instant, or I swear I won't be responsible for the conseqeunces!"
"I said move it, and I mean now! Don't make me use this thing on you." *smack* *smack* *smack* *smack*
*cowed Commander slinks into bedroom, and shimmies his not so fat butt into a pair of jodhpurs that do indeed make it look fat*
"See, Tom. I told you so."
"Cha, don't you get it yet? Jodhpurs make *everyone's* asses look fat!"
(sorry I just couldn't help myself)
Comments can be directed to Karen