I've never before written a D/M story. (I've written D and M in threesomes
or moresomes before, but never just the two of them. <g>) Also,
I've never written a story based on a song before, and I didn't
know this song, so I just ended up using it like a poem.
Thanks to tarsh and Robin for the beta. Some ideas I used, some I didn't, but I thank you for all of them.
Disclaimer: I don't own 'em (though I wish I did). I'll return them to their rightful owners when done.
Summary: Just some inner Duncan angst, not much else. Based on
the song Miles Away, by Marc Cohn.
Lyrics are separated by ******.
Feedback is very welcome, of any and all kinds.
My friends will ask me how I'm doin'
But I just can't lie to 'em
Not feeling fine today
I know Joe's worried about me. Hell, you only have to *look* at
me to know that something's wrong. I finally looked at myself in
the mirror today, after yet another person stared at me in the bar. I
look like shit; face sallow, hair dry and lifeless, eyes dead. Appropriate,
since that's how I feel - dead inside. I just can't
seem to care about anything right now. Living and breathing, trying to make it through the day, that's hard enough. I don't have the energy to do anything else.
He took it all when he left.
I saw my dreams, they were a
Ship on the ocean, now it
Looks like they're miles away
Hey, Hey-they're miles away
He's left before, but this time I know it's different. I always
knew he'd come back before. He'd leave me notes, or call, if I wasn't
here when he left. He knew I'd worry, if he didn't tell me where
he was. Even though I didn't know the exact date he'd be back, I never
thought he wouldn't return. And, I could always go after him, if
I needed him.
This time, yes, this time is different. He snuck out while I was working. No note, no phone call, no explanation.
Just no Methos.
I knew he had a tendency to run when things went bad. I just never
thought he'd run when
things were good. At least, *I* thought things were going well. Who knows what *he* thought.
I sure never did. His leaving proved that.
I don't know where he is now. I'm not sure I want to know. All that would bring is more heartache.
I know there's always something
We have to go through
That has some deeper meaning but
Right now, I just can't say
I know there's gonna be a lesson somewhere
I'm gonna think about it later
Joe says that I should look on this as a learning experience. He was always suspicious of the old man, so he's not surprised that he left.
A learning experience? Just what can I learn from a hurt this big, this painful? Don't trust 5,000 year old Immortals because they'll break your heart? That'll do me a lot of good.
I'd like to think that this has all been for a reason. I'd hate to be going through all this pain and not get anything out of it. Maybe, after awhile, I can think about it more. Try to find some deeper meaning in the whole thing.
But right now I'm miles away
I'm a million miles away
Where I don't have to think at all
Don't have to listen to you whisper
Your little secrets in the hall
Right now, all I can do is feel. Feel the hurt, the betrayal.
The loss of the other half of my soul.
He's been gone six months. God, six months today. And it's like he just left, the hurt is still so deep inside me. It fills my body and my mind, so I can barely function. I had to stop working. I couldn't concentrate and I was making too many mistakes. It wasn't fair to the kids. Why should they have to suffer, just because I am?
That's all I want to know. Why did he leave? Did I do something? Not do something? If he'd just talked to me, maybe I could have fixed it. Or at least tried. I think that bothers me, more than anything else. I didn't even get the chance to fix things. He was here one day, things seemed normal, then the next he was gone.
He'd always been secretive. He didn't like to talk about himself
or his feelings. I know that
was partly my fault. My reaction to the Horsemen was not the best. But, the rest was just him.
Too much living done in 5,000 years to ever share it all.
I've been trying to remember if he was more secretive than normal those last couple of days. Maybe, if I'd noticed, I could have tried to change things. I don't think he was, but now, I'll never know. Never have the chance to keep him from leaving.
Yeah, I'd really love to talk about it
But I think I hear my mama calling me...
I need to get away. Joe won't stop hovering. He thinks I need to talk about things. That, the more I talk about it, the less it'll hurt.
It hasn't helped yet.
Maybe if I go away, I can start to forget. Well, maybe not forget, but at least hurt a little less. Every time I go somewhere, I remember the last time we were there together, and then I'm right back to that day when I first realized he was gone, just as stunned and as upset as ever.
So, I'm going to go back home, to Glenfinnan. What is it they say...something
about dogs going home
to lick their wounds? Dogs and four hundred year old Immortals. Maybe there, I can start to heal.
God, I hope so.