Title: Until We Meet Again
Author/pseudonym: Sandra Lee
Archive: Yes to Master_Apprentice Archive and OKEB Archive (Thanks sockii and Pamela)
Categories: Angst, Point of View
Other website: http://members.tripod.com/ssfdu/
Disclaimers: All hail George! Then boo at him behind his back for what he did to Qui-Gon. Don't own them…*sigh* Not making money from it…*sigh*
Notes: As always thanks to Karen, without her I doubt I'd be writing, without her I would probably be less of a person. Thanks to her and Sarah for encouragement and Sarah for the title. Love and hugs to both of them. This is my first attempt at writing Q/O and most of it was written after only seeing the movie once so please excuse any inaccuracies in the sequence of events or descriptions. Comments and suggestions happily received at the above address.
Summary: Obi-Wan's thoughts on the death of his Master.
He is dead.
Qui-Gon Jinn…my Master…is dead.
And a part of me died with him.
As I watched the flickering flames of the pyre, my mind drew in on itself, searching desperately for a calm, safe and painless place.
I know at one point I turned and spoke with Anakin, but I have no recollection of what was said.
Time passed slowly and the flames grew even brighter, dancing strains of red intertwined with orange, yellow and white at the core.
I concentrated and became lost in the flames, even as I sensed the others leaving.
No one approached me and for that I was grateful.
I kept a tight rein on my emotions until I was sure that Master Windu and the others were far enough away and then I began to scream.
Scream, cry and howl with a mixture of despair, grief and helpless rage.
But only in my mind.
Until that time, when I had cradled him in my arms and he had tenderly caressed my cheek, I had never believed that a heart could break.
Not only break but shatter into a million pieces.
I replayed those last terrible moments over and over in my mind, trying to see if there was something I could have done differently, something that would have prevented my Master's death.
But I couldn't find anything.
That thought should have offered a small measure of comfort, but if it did I couldn't feel it.
Every time I closed my eyes I saw it again, heard my anguished cry as my beloved Master fell and felt the anger turn to hate when the Sith looked at me and sneered in triumph.
For the first time in my life, if only briefly, I hated something.
And the hate made me feel strong.
For a few moments I considered giving into it, but I saw my Master lying on the floor and knew I couldn't dishonour him by forgetting all that he had taught me.
So I took a deep breath and banished the hate.
The forcefield finally opened and I attacked.
We fought and our skills were fairly evenly matched, neither of us showing any weakness.
The fight became unfocused in my mind, lightsabers clashing, the blur of furious motion and then somehow I was pushed and fell into the shaft, managing to get a grip on a some sort of fixture protruding out of the wall.
I watched as my lightsaber soon followed me down the shaft and then, as I looked up into the demon-like face of the Sith, I felt something, a kind of compulsion.
The memories are clouded, but I remembered my Master's lightsaber and concentrated, calling it to me and then I was flying out of the shaft, spinning and catching it mid air, to land and once more face the Sith.
The look of surprise on his face soon turned to shocked disbelief as, with a final swing of my lightsaber, I slashed him across the chest, sending him hurtling down the shaft to his death.
I ran to my Master's side and fell to my knees, lifted his shoulders and cradled his head against me.
I couldn't speak except to whisper, "Master?"
He opened his eyes and gazed up at me. They were clear of pain, but filled with sadness and the certainty of his death.
His voice husky, he told me it was too late and then he made me promise to train the boy.
He reached up and tenderly ran his fingers across my cheek, wiping away the few tears that I couldn't contain, and it was then I knew my heart was breaking.
At that moment I finally felt his love for me.
Something I had wanted for years, but I had never approached the subject, thinking that I would have plenty of time with him, even knowing how dangerous our lives were.
And for a few more precious seconds he looked up at me, his emotions no longer shielded and then the breath hitched in his throat and he slumped back in my arms.
My mind gave an anguished cry as I relived that moment again and the tears began to fall.
My knees buckled and I slid to the ground beside the pyre, my face held in my hands as I sobbed like the young boy I once was who was made to leave his parents and all he held dear.
I don't know how long I sat there, rocking slightly before I felt the briefest of contact with my mind.
I ignored it at first, believing that I was imagining things, until I felt it again, stronger this time. A soothing presence that poured calm into my anguished soul.
I knew that touch. I had felt it hundreds, no thousands of times before when I was troubled during my training.
It was my Master, but my master was dead.
And then I felt it.
A touch as soft as the wings of a flutterby against my cheek.
I didn't want to open my eyes, knowing that the space before me would be empty.
Another touch, this time trailed across the hands cupping my face.
My mind wanted to ignore it, but my heart cried out for me to open my eyes.
My Master had told me once to always follow my heart.
I slowly lowered my hands and opened my eyes, blinking at the brightness of the flames after the darkness.
My breath caught in my throat and the tears began to fall harder.
Could it possibly hurt any more?
A soft breeze tugged at my hood and I slipped it back and looked up towards the night sky.
I blinked, then blinked again trying to clear my vision.
The air in front of me shimmered slightly, changing, almost appearing solid in places. A pale blue glow formed ever so slowly becoming brighter. I felt the touch again against my cheek and then one against my forehead, but it was different, somehow more intimate.
I watched, stunned but not afraid as the random pattern of blue sparkles coalesced into a recognisable pattern.
And then I heard his voice.
"Don't cry my Padawan."
I couldn't help it. I cried even harder. If this was a trick of my mind, then it was the cruelest of tricks.
"I promise you, my Padawan. It is no trick."
"Ma..Master?" I asked hesitantly.
Another wave of calm and warmth washed over me, partially drying my tears.
"Yes, my Padawan."
And before my eyes he appeared. His beloved features forming only inches from my own face.
"But…how…why?" I asked.
He chuckled and it looked like he was fighting a small smile. "Always with the questions, my Padawan. Do you have to have an explanation for everything?"
I gave him a rueful smile in reply. It was an old argument.
"The how and why do not matter, only that I am here. I could not leave you so tormented with guilt and grief," he told me, the half-smile disappearing as quickly as it appeared.
I reached out, feeling a desperate need to touch him, but my hand just passed right through him.
I stifled a small sob at being denied the comfort of his touch.
He smiled sadly and reached for me, his forehead lined with concentration.
I felt him, his hand warm against my cheek, more solid than the earlier small brushes against me.
"Padawan, do not grieve for me, it will consume you."
"How can I not grieve for you, Master? How can I not grieve for the man that I have been with for so long, who taught me and became father and brother, the man I eventually came to love," I whispered, my voice growing stronger with each word.
"Follow your own advice my Padawan" He told me.
"What advice was that Master?" I asked confused.
"You told young Anakin when he said he missed me that I was now one with the force and that he had to let me go."
"But Master I can't. I already feel so empty inside. If I let you go what would be left of me?"
"The force, young Padawan. Let it fill you up and know that you will never be alone as long as a small part of me resides in your heart."
"Always Master, I love you."
"I know young Padawan, and I you."
Another feather-light brush against my cheek and I closed my eyes, imagining that it was actually my Master here touching me and not just his spirit.
"I must go now, my Padawan," he told me, regret lacing his voice.
"No Master, please! Don't leave me again, I beg you. " I pleaded with him as the tears once more began to fall.
"I cannot stay here, my Padawan." The regret even more pronounced.
"Why? Why can't you stay?" I questioned.
"You know why, Padawan," he chided me gently. "Our paths no longer follow the same course, but someday they will merge again and we will follow it together."
Resigned, I murmured, "I will wait for that day then."
"Now Padawan, let go of your grief and despair, concentrate on the force and let it cleanse you of these emotions. Do not dwell on my death, but on my life…our life together."
"I will miss you, Master," I told him, as I closed my eyes and concentrated on the force.
"I know, my Padawan," he replied softly.
I relaxed and gave into the force, letting it envelope me in its calming light. I looked within myself and found the last vestiges of my rage and let it go. I found my despair and let it go and then finally my grief.
I still felt a great sadness but instead of the expected emptiness my heart filled itself with memories, now that it was no longer weighed down.
My head jerked back slightly in surprise and I opened my eyes. It was rare for my Master to address me by my name and those moments were usually treasured.
He smiled at my slight impertinence, and I couldn't help smiling back.
"There are no goodbyes my Padawan, only promises of another time, another place."
I nodded. I had not looked forward to saying goodbye.
"Train the boy and follow the path the force has chosen for you."
I watched as he drew closer until hardly any space was between us.
I refused to shut my eyes, desperate to see his face for as long as I could.
Warm moist lips against mine.
Gentle, almost reverent.
I sighed and parted my lips, inviting him to deepen the contact…which he did.
Our souls merged for the briefest of times, our feelings no longer held back.
An eternity or a few mere seconds later he drew back, both of us smiling, but with tears in our eyes.
"I will see you again my Padawan. Trust in the force and let it guide you. I will always be with you in your heart and if you need me, I'll be there. Until we meet again, Obi-Wan Kenobi. May the force be with you," he told me as he slowly faded from my sight.
When I could no longer see him, I reached up and felt my lips where we had been joined. His warmth remained.
"Until we meet again Master."
-The End…Until they meet again-